Activity Stream

Activity Stream

  1. dahankus added a post in a topic Damian's journal   

    Day 70 & 71
    My father got drunk again, and it made me angry, this was the closest I got to playing games since the detox began. It messes me up pretty bad that I cant do shit about it. The only thing I havent done is leave. Which I am planning on doing next year.
    Today Im going to see my gf for the whole afternoon, which will calm me down. 
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  2. SuperSaiyanGod added a post in a topic Super Saiyan Journal   

    19 days without gaming, 1 day without porn.
    It's morning, I just got up. I'm working on a habit to get out of bed immediately after I wake up. It's been going very well since I started. However today, it being Saturday, I felt like I deserve a break. I felt like I couldn't just disregard the habit completely, but I thought that if I start the day with reading in bed and don't fall asleep again, it's going to count as if the habit has been upheld. So I read for 5 minutes, but I suspected I was going to fall asleep. So I got up, put on music, checked in at Habitica. And you know what? GETTING UP FEELS MUCH BETTER THAN SLEEPING LONGER. I don't even need any rewards for it! Plus, I've slept a good 8 hours, only woke up once during the night, so I'm well-rested.
    The only thing I'm not looking forward to today is visiting my friend to work on a research project, because 1) it's hard for me to come up with a valid subject, seing how much in this area of study is already known (and I'm the brainy type), and 2) I really like my friend, but working with her isn't as pleasant as I thought it would be. I'm also getting a bit overwhelmed with all the studying I have to get done, what with all my slow reading and stuff. Before the next Thursday I have to:
    have the subject of the research project prepared quite well (Tuesday)finish reading two chapters from textbooks (Monday)read at least 1 chapter from a book I haven't even looked for yet (Monday)go to my friend (today)meet up with my mother, as she's visiting the city (Sunday)find a viable Indiana Jones costume; this is gonna take hours I could use on studying, and I hate shoppingI've just decided the last one is waiting until at least Tuesday. I have no time to waste before that, so I'm not even thinking about this. The rest of it is doable, the costume is actually the worst, most stressful part. So from now on I'm not even thinking about it until I'm done with everything else.
    And now it's time for a shower AND BREAKFAST, LET'S DO IT!!!
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  3. ChewyChickenBones added a post in a topic ChewyChickenBones journal   

    Day 23
    Had a really good day. Hate the that I am sick, but still had a great day. Went to the library scored some Halo novels for a buck, checked out an animal shelter with my girl. Bought some delicious pizza from a local chain, relaxed, had a chill day. Getting ready to sleep soon, will be up really early. Going to wash, nap, head to library, xi gong practice, then head to work. Not quite sure what I'll do at night yet. Would like to be out but being sick just makes me want to stay home and rest.
    I am grateful for my existence, my mantra, to breathe, see, talk, listen, walk, damn good pizza, the support and progress that is achieved each day.

    Regarding my mantra, I highly recommend it to anyone who struggles with self-conscious/self-image. In my experience, I would ALWAYS refer and/or be negative about myself. Never did say anything heartfelt, or remotely good about myself. Doing this mantra. " Chewy, I love you", to care about myself and love the person I am is doing wonders. PS. I don't call myself Chewy, I use my real name. XP
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  4. eshi2000 added a post in a topic 90 Day Detox   

    Wait thats wrong!^^^^ Its Day 67 now!
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  5. SuperSaiyanGod added a post in a topic Super Saiyan Journal   

    18 days without gaming, almost 1 full day without porn etc.
    An unprecedented occurance: this week I studied for 8 hours and 20 minutes, all in 25-minute sessions. This is raw studying without including breaks. This is a big deal because it's WAY more time than I usually spend on an average exam at the end of the term. If I keep this up (actually I'm planning to improve it because I know I can do much better with my time), I'm gonna be a freaking terminator at the end of the year. Right now my goal is to slowly reach around 3 hours of studying a day. Today I did 4 sessions and then I was so excited for my loot and exp! Plus, I celebrate every three hours in which I don't watch porn, which is probably much healthier than celebrating days and thinking of streaks. Sometimes I think about relapsing but then I remmeber every 10 minutes counts as a separate relapse. And the idea of doing it for 10 minutes isn't appealing at all, my habit is hours at a time - and if I did that, I would loose all my health immediately.
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  6. -n.g- added a post in a topic My Journal - Alex   

    can I just say I have been lurking and thoroughly enjoy reading your entries
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  7. -n.g- added a post in a topic Kill it with Fire and Brimstone!   

    Day 72
    Bought a bike yesterday, had to go all the way to the other side of the city to get it. got a train to liverpool street and cycled home which took 3-4ish hours. I haven't properly cycled in at least 5 years and the lack of exercise for a year was painful. My body is aching and still recovering from it but I have to say I am happy I done it.
    Only slight dampener was not haggling it down further, though I suppose thats just the result of not getting out and meeting people enough. The other was receiving some racial epithets from someone outside the station. Had headphones in so didn't hear much of it. Some times I do feel like throwing stuff back at them but its just too much trouble. I have accepted not bothering with people off the street.
    I intend to use the bike in the mornings. First I need to reduce the seat height and add reflectors and lights. I stopped taking the pills, the side effects were really affecting my sleep and I am only just being able to function normally again. I'll leave it for another time.
    Got my laptop back, they also tightened the hinges which is nice, free repair and all so I didn't need to spend a penny.
    I have asked a friend to start a get together at some point. It would welcome to get back to finding the upside from my past. I have also started to talk to more people from my university too. I am hoping to get back soon.
    I still cannot look at my family. A mixture of shame and anger at them, I need to get away from them but I need to complete my studies and get a job first.
    Gone back to cycling
    Having another small project to do, getting the bike ready
    feeling like I have made some more progress.
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  8. Cam Adair added a post in a topic Relapse   

    Welcome back brother.
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  9. Cam Adair added a post in a topic The second 90 days - relapse   

    Glad the email helped you! Good to have you back with us.
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  10. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Well, well! Two of the 4 exercises asked are a solid 10/10 done. I can jump 2.10 and nearing 40 abs. Running is also getting steadily better. Push-ups are my heel, but I guess that's what I get in exchange of the natural lower body prowess. Guess I'll have to take back fencing again!
    (That said, keeping a sword guard where it should is no laughing matter, my worst physical experience was definitely trying fencing untrained)
    I'm officially called to do the physical tests and psychological evaluation on the 14th next month. @Cam Adair, you'll have to stop saying so merrily that I was once in a Psychiatric Ward when announcing my case study until then 
    [And for the record, I didn't "end" (as in "admitted into"), I just slept there once in observation. No shirt around my arms or anything. In the morning I was so fine I swear I caught several doctors staring at me as if I had freeloaded the bed and dinner. Hmph!] 
    Ah yes! The case study. That was another goal achieved this week. I feel more happy than proud or any other emotion for having told my story. There was face reveal involved, dun dun. The implications are mild but definitive, if someone wants to look anything about me, that article will show up (and perhaps more in the future).
    EXISTENTIALISM WARNING: So as to now, the only testimonials of my presence in this world are some awarded joke narrative I wrote in high-school and a story proving that I was a game addict. If I died now, that would be "me".
    Can't say it doesn't describe me well as I currently am, but at the same time makes my blood boil in anticipation. I want to do more! 
    And I shall. Life began happening slowly again, instead of the blur of pointless days and weeks and months. Half of this year passed in an awkward sneeze, but if things fall in its right place, it will be worth. It always is in the end. 
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  11. Wigger added a post in a topic Wigger's journal   

    Day 3
    I forgot to do this yesterday
    I found it very hard to concentrate. The night before i had watched a movie in bed and did some reading on my phone. I woke up with my eye's hurting. It the sort of day that i would normally spend gaming. Being tired, not really wanting to do anything. Just hard to focus myself. It was actually pretty hard to keep myself from it, so i decided to not make a study day, but do other useful stuff. So i went cleaning and visiting other people (this actually helped a lot).
    I must say, this detox is still going pretty well. I suspect it is because i have already sort of detoxed. I don't like gaming anymore, however, i feel like i still need it. And that distinction is an important one. I feel like i can consciously fight the urges that come from the heart. The hard part is the emptiness that this detox is making me feel. Life is starting to lose its edge and becomes less exciting. I feel like i have less to live for and less goals to work towards, and i think that is the real difficult part. Therefore i have decided to really look for other activities. My girlfriend suggested to start learning chinese again, which i think is a really good suggestion already. Also, i think i would like to learn how to invest.
    I just hope these activities will fill the void enough to keep me from gaming
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  12. eshi2000 added a post in a topic 90 Day Detox   

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  13. KDY added a topic in Relapse   

    The second 90 days - relapse
    I just got Cam's e-mail with a link to the Las Vegas presentation.  Watched the whole thing because of one word in the e-mail:  depression.
    I finished the 90 day de-tox in June, and was well on my way to six full months game-free.  I also started pretty much ignoring Gamequitters, because - HEY! I GRADUATED FROM DETOX, RIGHT?  And besides, one forum member mentioned that Gamequitters itself could become a crutch.  But exercise drifted away, and I wasn't recovering fully from a 4-way break in my right arm (January), so music also fell away.  Meaningful stuff was falling away.  In mid-September, I went back to "occasional" gaming on a (former favorite) website.  I thought I'd allow myself half an hour once a week.  Ahem.
    That lasted one week.  Next week, it was twice.  This past week it's been every night.  The half hour grew to the usual play-til-ya-drop.  I had been getting my (completely screwed up) sleep cycle into something reasonably human, but in the past week I pulled at least 3 all-nighters, slept a couple of hours by day, then did a few (internet based) tasks for groups I'm involved with . . . and didn't get off the computer when they were done.  I even black-lined the dates on my game-free "thermometer" strip that's posted above my tower, so I could see the spread of the contamination.  I was in near-panic mode when I realized I had blown most of the time I needed to get (effectively) ready for meetings, falling behind on paperwork, etc. 
    Into all this, I've packed back on 10 pounds I had lost (I also watched Nick Bayerly's interview with Cam!  Thanks Nick!)  -- I actually once did serious weight training.   Now it's just serious weight (and in women -- listen up, ladies -- arthritis is directly linked to overweight -- I already have the beginnings).
    But the kicker is that the black dog of depression is back.  Complete lack of motivation to get up in the morning, to control my weight, to deal with the stuff of daily life.  I even shower less -- pretty appalling.
    So Cam, when your e-mail said
    "We know from the research we've done with Dr. Daniel King that depression and gaming go hand-in-hand. In our recent study, 48% of our members met criteria for Moderate+ Depression, which can cause real difficulties with social, work, and domestic activities, including a lack of interest in normal pleasurable activities, and motivation. "
    it hit like a punch -- an alarm bell going off.
    So I watched the Vegas video, and Nick's interview, and your Relapse video on You Tube.  You said
    "Remember that gaming isn't going to fix anything!"  
    It definitely didn't -- but like you said in the Vegas presentation, knowing that I could go completely cold turkey for 90 days already, makes it easier to get back on the wagon.  Knowing that you, and Nick, and a lot of other people in the community survived a relapse means I know I can too.  But this time, I'm aiming for 12 months.  I have to tell myself that, to motivate myself to keep the black lines off my game-free "thermometer".
    And I have to keep reminding myself how much better I felt without the extra 10 pounds (I still need to lose as much as Nick did), how much more I accomplished, and how much less intimidated I felt by the daily challenges we all face.  Nick's point about health control and confidence is really, really important.   When I was weight training, I felt like I could cope with anything. 
    Anyway, thanks again to Cam and Co. for leading the way on gaming addictions.
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  14. SuperSaiyanGod added a post in a topic Super Saiyan Journal   

    17 days without gaming, 0 days without porn etc.
    Late evening, I should be going to sleep, but I have a thought.
    So I'm using this website/app called Habitica to work on my life. And I find it very exciting and fun, and sometimes it gives me the same emotions as gaming. One of my habits is studying in 25 minute increments. Doing two or three sessions in a row is like going grinding in an rpg game, and when I finish, I'm literally excited and think "oh fuck, there's gonna be so much exp and gold!". This is a genuine reaction, reminds me of that time when I used to be comfortable with gaming, years ago. Another thing is doing harder tasks, you can set them up in stages for a bigger reward - it's like going for a raid and then getting so much loot and exp at the end.
    I feel great right now. Also I'm gonna be Indiana Jones at a costume party next week - a few hours ago I was getting depressed because I didn't feel like going and I didn't know what to go as. I don't like clubs, but if I have a really cool costume it should be a lot better.
    I keep relapsing with porn every other day. Sometimes it's up to 3 hours a session. But I'm still WAY more productive than I used to be. Also once I relapse in a given day, I don't have any incentive to stop relapsing, because I count days, and not hours or sessions, and my daily at Habitica is already failed. I should set up a new system, where I get a reward every three hours I go clean, but lose health for every 10 minutes of porn I watch. That should reduce the length and maybe the number of relapses. I'm gonna set it up right now.
    That is all.
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  15. ChewyChickenBones added a post in a topic ChewyChickenBones journal   

    Day 19 - 22
    Wow. THIS WEEK. W.T.F.  I had some psycho show up on my driveway and shoot five times. Grateful that everyone is alive and no injuries. My neighbor's car got fucked up, but I'm glad she is alive. Ongoing investigation, it was late at night. Little info available. I believe it's the ghetto neighbor in the back trying to intimidate. Fucking piece of shit psychopath. Taking safe and active steps to protect my family.
    H. Pylori still a plague on my stomach, waiting for my appointment. Possible double whammy as I am showing symptoms of gallbladder disease.
    I am grateful to BE ALIVE! Neighbors are alive, to keep going even with crazy shit like this shooting, my focus, my persistence, determination, breathe, walk, listen, see, and support.
    Was feeling a little down earlier today. A lot of pent up emotions looking for a way to release. Part of me wants to go on a fucking manhunt, in search of revenge and rain pain on this fucking piece of shit! The other part just felt sad that some fucking psychopath would endanger our life. The bullets were two feet away from my car, and six feet away from my home. Ended up calling a support hotline, helped me out a lot. Being on this detox makes me wonder. Experiences like the shooting... was I so hooked on games that I overlooked at the condition of my life. I grew up, lived, and still live in the hood. I never believed it because it never hit this close to home. I lived in a digital world. I would respawn and live any life. New accounts, new games, new person each time. It was so easy to do. Life however, has no respawn. It also takes much more work and preparation to choose a new path in life. I am long overdue to leave this fucking ghetto shit. Not the life my family deserves.
    I miss games. As I continue my detox and get to see just how much life requires for positive change.. I realize that my relationship with video games will never be the same.
    Started a new mantra this earlier this week and it has done wonders for me. "Chewy, I love you."  My yoga instructor mentioned during class that saying your name before your mantra creates a stronger bond in your thoughts. He is writing a paper on a scientific study regarding this. Feeling exponentially better about myself.
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  16. Hobedaga added a post in a topic Anxiety   

    anxiety is lower level but chronic fear the way I understand it. But to be afraid of something you have to be paying attention to it. When you played games, they are stimulating, you paid attention to them, and you forgot about the things that you were anxious about
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  17. Hobedaga added a topic in Relapse   

    I have to say I'm quite happy to see other people post threads here about how disappointed they feel in relapsing and knowing that I'm not the only one feeling that way  So I recently relapsed and talked about it with slowpoke on the discord chat and he found something I said interesting so I thought I'd talk about it with you guys.

    Recently I relapsed after having not played games for a bit more than a year in the past. I played my favorite video game, dota. I'm quitting from today but it's no big event. I know I'll be able to stay off it and it won't be too difficult for me anymore. 

    The way it happened was that I was felling ashamed back in my father's house after coming back from working in england, and it was an escape from that intense feeling. It kind of snook up on me because I felt quite in control of it. But since I dreamed up a yet another fantasy in my life of making money off it in I played more and more. 

    This is not the main thing that I want to say here, it's something else. And I am going to talk with specific gaming terms because it's a great analogy for what I want to say so don't continue reading from here if you don't want to see that.

    I've failed and failed and failed throughout my entire life. Many promises and loud proclimations of how I'm going to do this that or the other always ended up in disappointment. And the worst part is I never understood why I failed, what was it that I was doing wrong. Enter gaming example. I wanted really bad to become a professional dota 2 player, gain 7k mmr. I fantasized about it a lot, most of my thinking throughout the day was dedicated to becoming a better dota player. But I've never climbed above 3k mmr with the exception of once spamming and overpowered hero and immideatly losing mmr after I was done with it. Isn't that a bit crazy. I've spent countless hours, it was my only wish and I read a gazillion guides, watched instructional videos and despite all that I have constantly failed. Why is that? 

    I've come to understand that pretty much like in any other area of my life, I didn't understand what I was doing at all. All my decisions were based on emotion. In any given match, whether I was going to attack another hero or not was based on how that sitation felt, the way I farmed etc. I did it all in a similar way I saw other pro players do and I did it not because I understood why they're useful, but simply because the pros were doing it. So while doing it I also felt quite advanced mechanically which induced even more rage when I lost, since my teammates or the enemy didn't seem to have knowledge of that advanced mechanic that I used despite not understanding the basics of the game. So when I tried to learn this time I've checked something out. There was a dota youtuber who was very high mmr and he is a coach and has coaching videos on and there was a video were he verbalized what he thought throughout a game he was playing. Every single movement, every single item purchase... everything had a clear logical reason that would advance him to his goal. I was surprised by that, every decision I made was based on a combination of feeling/a pro did it in a video/habit . Never understanding. One more example is, when I decided to understand and be able to clearly explain what a lane creep is. To my surprise, when I started to learn about this one small part of the game... I knew close to nothing. After so many hours and such a strong wish to become better I knew close to nothing about a basic part of the game.

    I think this is a perfect analogy for pretty much anything else I've been trying to do in life. You have to understand, that trying to do something and failing, and failing, and failing, year after year, and worse yet, not even understanding WHY is an incredibly frustrating feeling. It can easily bring up resentment or envy when you see other people succeeding in what they set themselves out to do with less effort than you! And I have to say, in principal I think doing something in real life, and doing something in real life... you need the same things to do it. You need to understand. Clearly understand what and why you are doing. 

    I don't know how to put to words how important I think it is. Just one last thing I want to add is, since I'm such a dummy, I can only do things that I understand at an INCREDIBLY slow pace. But no matter how fast I would be doing them without understanding, I would never do them and only grow frustrated. And it's especially hard because I have to admit, something that might be obvious to others, that I am way less capable than others and that I don't understand much. It's part of the emotional reasoning to try and go fast again, but it's not based in logic.

    TL;DR: made emotional decisions in a game in the past, failed constantly despite trying really hard. Constantly failed and disappointed people at pretty much everything I did in life and didn't even know why I was failing. Understood that it's because I never used logic much, mostly made emotional, rash and impulsive decisions throughout my life.

    TL;DR TL;DR learned life lesson: make decisions based on logic, not emotion.
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  18. dahankus added a post in a topic Damian's journal   

    Day 69.
    Finally my mind is starting to settle. I am doing heavy work in personal development and I can see the effects which give me confidence in myself and my future. I still want to play, as strong as before, but games themselves are not as important as before. I will probably play again some day, but not soon.
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  19. thehondasc00py added a post in a topic thehondasc00py's 90-Day Videogame Detox   

    It's a psychedelic drug. Psychedelics are tools that have been used by humanity for centuries to open up perception, attain altered states of consciousness, attain wisdom, or increase creativity. It's a deep rabbit hole!
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  20. Andre2807 added a post in a topic André - 90 day detox   

    Day 38 - An update
    My inactivity on the Game Quitters forum should not be seen as a sign of a relapse.
    I merely don't make time to update my Game Quitter journal.
    I've been doing many things these days, and realised that I feel so much more fulfilled - even when compared to how gaming made me feel.
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  21. eshi2000 added a post in a topic 90 Day Detox   

    Day 65!
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  22. Cam Adair added a post in a topic Brad's Journal   

    The adventure begins when things start to go wrong.  
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  23. AlexTheGrape added a post in a topic My Journal - Alex   

    Last week has been another blast of busyness. I did well to arrange my week days so that I didn’t have any clashes, but I made a couple of poor choices in how I spent my time during the week. I spend a little too much time with my girlfriend when I should have been studying or going to robotics, and I believe I’ve learned from those experiences.

    I need to keep my sleeping and studying routine consistent throughout the weekend during these important exam times, as it really messes me up when I stay up too late and get up too late.

    In general it has been a good and very busy week, and I know the workload will only ramp up from here.

    One of my pen pals wrote to me asking if we were still pen pals anymore, as I haven’t sent a proper email to any of them this year. It has made me feel a little sad and guilty that I haven’t put in the time to write to them, but it also shows that I’ve had a change in priorities. I initially wrote to my pen pals in the school holidays as I’d have a lot of free time, and it was a good way to keep myself from gaming. Now I am able to meet all my wants and needs without gaming or writing to people which is really good. It is hard to tell but I think I am happier than I used to be in general. Anyhow I will need to narrow down my active pen pals I write to down to just one or two, as I will simply be living my own life from now instead of reciting it.

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  24. Brad_Hurst added a post in a topic Brad's Journal   

    I said i'd get another video blog out today. I really didn't want to put a video up today as nothing interesting happened. But I said i'd do it so here it is.
    I tell a little bit about my day and then attempt to tell a story... (really badly) 
    Video Blog 2
    I'm writing this now so that I actually do it. But i'll be getting up at 5:30 tommorow morning to go for a 30 minute run!
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  25. Wigger added a post in a topic Wigger's journal   

    Day 2
    Today was a good day. I had one of the best nights sleep in a few months. I still can't believe that days are this long, its absolutely ridiculous. Got about 6 hours of studying done today, which is pretty needed considering how much i still have to do. Only 3 weeks till the exams!
    I found myself in the need for breaks, but im not sure how to relax now that i don't do gaming anymore (and neither watch series). Although, to be honest, i did watch 2 episodes today during food breaks (breakfast and lunch). After some time my head was quite full and i couldn't really force myself to continue, so i put on good rock music as loud as i could and just kept walking through the room while saying whatever came into my head. It worked like a charm. It seems that if i force my mind too much into a position it will wear out, after that i need to let it do whatever it wants for a bit. Looking forward to further testing this (it helped a lot because when i get tired and bored i get urges to game, i feel that this keeps it under control better).
    I actually got all the tasks i had planned for today done, including working a bit on the website. Tomorrow is a long schoolday though, i feel the lectures are very inefficient. Im a bit afraid it is going to cause me want to start gaming again.
    Till this point its going pretty well because i can keep myself busy, life seems to be clearer, better and longer. Cant complain!
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