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  1. Today
  2. Day 3 Day 3 was pretty much a repeat of day 2, except that I attended an online CGAA meeting. It was nice. Might have connected with a sponsor too.
  3. Thanks for your comment. I pretty much came to the same conclusions. Just keep working at it and continue putting distance between my current self and my gaming past.
  4. Thanks guys! I'd be happy to hear what you have to say fawn, by all means!
  5. Day#20- Nowadays i have 8-10 hours of free time and it got boring, so I started playing Euro Truck Simulator 2 and i don't overdo it because it is not the type of game I use to play and it gets boring after 60-80 minutes.
  6. Good luck! Straightening yourself out is a noble cause, by no means easy, but definitely worthwhile.
  7. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I actually remember my ex saying she was a real party animal up until 16, but then she made a 180 to the point where she wouldn't go out to meet larger groups of people anymore, because it made her physically sick, even if I was really keen on showing with her somewhere every once in a while, so she said she'd be introverted. I think what she did was to channel her extroversion mostly into social media rather, similarly as I did with gaming. I had no idea how much was that affecting me. Trouble with that is, my addictive personality was fairly well embedded into me that probably everybody already considered it "me". For all I know, my screen time is still huge, though I am aware of it at least. This is what made me a bit cynical the other day. I liked it how every other person has "honesty" as one of their expectations/values, but I would say I was "honest" both before and after the addiction. Turns out addiction-controlled behavior is a thing. That's why I am much rather into responsibility these days, or by texts inspired by it and other values embedded into it. Yep, it seems like it's a good idea to set up the rules of the game early. I think something like "what happens in the relationship, stays in the relationship" might be one to consider for the future, although there's gonna be a ton of mechanisms to support that. I think hooking up and ONS would promptly send me to my own little moral hell. I just looked up the difference between short and long-term relationship and I found out that the difference is that you take a lesson from a short one and you stay in the long one. I've been on Tinder before, but I never met anyone though it. I prefer to show my hand and Tinder's 160 characters or so doesn't allow for that. I'm back on OKC, but I noticed they removed instant messaging which is a bummer. No text limit there though, so I think my intentions are laid out there concisely. Aye, I guess I was a prisoner of my addiction. Thanks for that site! I'll see what comes out of that, research and all :D I'll keep it in mind. It sounds obvious, but addiction is hell that skews your sincerity really badly. Thanks for all the input!
  8. Day 52. Thursday. Habits completed counter: 30 Its astounding how fast this 50 days have past. A variety of things has happened, and many changes to my way of thinking and behaving. I miss games, I miss the feeling of simplicity, and control. The way I knew what I was supposed to do and the way to do it was right in front of me. Right now, my life is growing in complexity and I find myself longing for simpler times. This is life, the greatest challenge we all get to face, I can keep running from it, or face it with arms wide open. I know how it makes me feel when I run from it, sadness and despair. Clinging to the easiest source of dopamine possible. Destroying the mind, and desecrating the body. This I know. And I am not choosing that path again. I am open. I am willing. I am ready. To give all that I can be to this world. Today and tomorrow, I am not a gamer.
  9. Very well done George! Reading your bank of habits list, I think I could offer some info on how I dealt with at least half the things there, maybe you'll find some use in that? Didn't want to intrude in your journal though, so just offering!
  10. Hey Jay, I think this has to do with your gaming past. I experience this too but it gets better the more time passes and the more faded my memories of strong adrenaline times become. You can't avoid or change the feeling of these hobbies being work, your mind is used to video games mechanics which reward us all the time for barely anything. What you can do is, because you know one is a real self improvement thing whereas gaming wasn't, you can insist and do the hobbies anyway. You'll probably rewire your brain like this, because you'll give it new experiences that include satisfaction despite the initial bias. In other words, accept the bias and just do it anyway. It was unavoidable for me, but if you read my journal it's what got me away from it all for good this time.
  11. From the not all that tall height of my middle 30's, if I could tell my younger self something about romantic life, it would be to have a clear view of what kind of relationship you want, a clear view of what kind of person you want to spend your time with, to communicate your expectations and desires in a clear and pondered manner to anyone you have a relationship with, and to not settle for less than the bare minimum, the non-negotiable minimum standard you think someone should meet in order to have an harmonious coexistence with you, while still remembering that people make mistakes and have feelings and that there will be friction, but that it should never, ever be an excuse to drop the mutual respect any healthy relationship is made of. Breaking this all up: Long term relationship? Short term? Hook up? One night stand? Whatever you choose, it's your choice, not someone else's. Of course, any potential date should also be made aware of your intentions, so that they can have as much of a good time as you are planning to. If they don't agree with your plan, you should decide if it's worth to negotiate your terms, but my experience is that it's only worth to make concessions if the other person is willing to make concessions back, no matter how pretty or fun they are. Relationships are about mutual commitment, and it's unhealthy to commit to someone not willing to commit back. Know what characteristics you think are the most important on a potential date. You might prefer polite, quite, tempered girls, or wild, extroverted, flamboyant ones. It doesn't matter, just be sure to know what characteristics you are most attracted to, and the ones you don't like at all. Don't go making huge must have or mustn't have lists, that's not the point. But give it a deep thought, know your deal breakers at the very least. For instance, when I was on Tinder looking for a potential date, I knew I wouldn't get along party girls, because I don't like to party, so that was a deal breaker, no matter how pretty or witty she would be. I also knew I love people with good humour and that smile easily, so having lots of smiling pictures or a funny profile description was a huge thing for me. Know your standards and stick with it. Show yourself for what you are. You don't want to start pretending, you'll quickly become a prisoner of the persona you built. Moreover, you want to attract women that are interest in the type of guy you are. Do not get fooled by people that say women only like money, or that they are all overly concerned with appearances, this is false. Some women might, just like some men, too, might fall into those categories, but most don't, most people are looking for genuine and meaningful interactions. This doesn't mean you shouldn't mind how you come out, it only means you should not try to pretend. However, more than worrying about the things you say, mind the way you say it. There is more than one way to say the same thing to different effects. Apart of that, if you worry about your pictures and your appearance, there's an excellent website about it called Photofeeler, where you can get anonymous feedback on your pics. I used it and it helped me. Finally, be sure to take your time and see if you are comfortable around the other person, and to check if it's mutual. Ideally, that person will get to know you up close, she'll know your virtues as much as your flaws, and you need to be willing to share your weaknesses and your fears with her. That is the essence of intimacy, to be carefully transparent and honest. Not fully and totally, because only young children and mad people are fully honest in their words, but almost totally. In short, I think three are the cornerstone of a healthy relationship: commitment, sincerity and respect. Find someone with whom you feel comfortable talking about those three things and you are good to go. And don't be afraid to commit mistakes. For most people it is rare to find the right partner before quite a few attempts. Besides, we only live once. You gotta go there and try, and try again if necessary. Sorry for the long boring text, I hope it may help you a little, and good luck!
  12. Day 17: May 22, 2019 Today was a lot like many other days of the detox. I had a really crappy sleep last night, which caused me to have a disappointing start to the day. I'm actually starting to get annoyed at my lack of jump/energy in the mornings. I lay around in bed too long, I drink coffee and check social media and the internet and then eventually I get dressed and go to the gym 1-2 hours later than I should. This has got to stop, I have to create an environment that encourages me to be proactive in the morning. I suspect this will change when I start my job again soon but I've got to do better right now. My sluggish morning meant I didn't put in my best effort at the gym today, but I showed up because this is who I am now. I don't miss workouts. On top of 40 mins of cardio at the gym today I walked for 60 mins and did 15 minutes of yoga and a few sets of pushups. I continued my habit of walking to the cafe and getting a tea. I think I'm going to put an end to this soon.. maybe tomorrow. I noticed today that after my workout and drinking a bunch of water, I just felt good. I felt clean, like my body was functioning optimally. Soon after I had my 2 cream/1sugar tea I felt bloated.. like I didn't need to put that into my body. I think I want to move to like a nearly 100% water plan soon. I've done 27 days water only before, I can do it again. I sent in my references for that IT job today and I might hear back about that soon. I also spoke with my old manager about coming back and it's sounding quite promising that I can return. I'm leaning towards just going back to my old job. I know I'm comfortable there, I know I can do it and be successful. Especially now that I'm not blinded by video games and am performing at a far superior level than I was only a few weeks ago. Time will tell, I'm eager to get this sorted out soon. No gaming, no cravings. No fap, although I did have a pretty strong craving. I won the day. 17 days since I played a video game 17 days since I watched porn 17 days since I smoked weed 17 days since I ate junk food 17 days since I drank pop
  13. I trust in your experience. Thanks for the advice, I will take this into consideration.
  14. Impressive dedication dude. You've got my thinking I need to step up my game. Grats on 100%, I think the only thing I ever got 100% on was gym class 😛 Yoga has been great for me personally, makes me feel centered and peaceful. Hitting the weights will make you feel awesome when you start to get that pump feeling. I crave it now. Keep up the good work
  15. Sounds like you've been through a lot. It's hard to see the forest thru the trees sometimes. I hope things get better for you asap. Here to support you, good luck! 😃
  16. An unremarkable day Starting today I'll give journal entries a short title that I think captures the essence of the day it represents. It serves both as an exercise on concision and minimalism, and as an introduction to what I write, since my entries reflect my preference for a narrative, short story style rather than a journalistic one and, as such, are fitting to be preceded by a title that encapsulates them. I'm still reluctant to date the entries, though. Dunno why, but I kinda rather not. The system will end up dating them, anyway. About the day, it was like some days before it, and probably like some future days will be. Uneventful. Woke up, worked on my thesis, precisely on curating journalistic texts I have been collecting for a while about stuff related to what I'm going to talk about, so that I can find them a little bit easier. There's still stuff to do on that front, I need to organize them better, perhaps by subcategories, and also curate the YT talks, lectures and lessons I have also collected. Bureaucratic work, but I feel it will make my life easier down the road. I also wrote a few lines on my thesis' project. Better than nothing, but I really must write more each day. Today I also spent a lot of time looking on Forex stuff, and the progress I felt I had made at it suddenly vanished. Good thing it's paper money, or I would be bankrupt. This makes me question even harder if I should pursue this, if it's worth to spend that much time on it. I have even skipped French lessons and other reading I should be doing. @taichi thank you for your support, mate! Indeed, it is emancipatory to be able to see the addiction for what it is. One cannot free oneself of chains one cannot see. Still going onwards we are!
  17. Yesterday
  18. taichi

    Journal

    That great feeling last morning faded away as the day went by and I was feeling a sob in the evening. Maybe I should be the most careful about mood swings. Keep them manageable.
  19. Yeah I'm... completely unable to function. It's been like this on and off for a few months. I really need help.
  20. Day 24 (24 day streak) 100% gaming and gaming-content free. Today I was feeling the urges a bit at work, especially that I am stressed. I think it was a good call to get the extra sleep this morning. I was still tired when I woke up--I fell asleep about a minute after I closed my laptop after writing the last post, lol. I still find I'm looking for that substitution when I get home, and I'm generally substituting with sports (which was the original numbing agent when I was a kid). Really, I need to be working on meditating, social skills, or working out. My cravings for sweets is still quite high too. I think I'll journal on my goals for a little bit, meditate, and maybe go for a quick walk. Then maybe I'll make some cookies for a co-worker that I promised I would do so. Y'all have a good night everyone.
  21. You're crushing it George. Keep it up! I'd also highly recommend Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I couldn't stick with it due to some injuries, but it was amazing experience. Definitely give it a shot!
  22. Day 59 22.05.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for feeling less pain while walking. One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1) was running around in the city and go nearly all the small tasks done I planned and wrote down since weeks Workout/run 1,5hours Tai-Chi course more than 22k steps Meditation 10 min guided meditation in the morning 20 min guided meditation in the afternoon Visualisation and daily affirmation Some affirmation today but no visualisation Reading (0hours of studying for the next exam today) did my regular Spanish session, but because of all the small errands did not have time for anything else my wake-up time 9:30 (suddenly found an ant road in the flat shortly before going to bed and fought to get rid of them and out of my room for hours) Weekly Goal(s) continue with miracle morning routine, study at between 4 and 8hours per day, reduce my screen time to less than 2hours, meditate half an hour every day Monthly Goal to study a lot for my exams, be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, start the miracle morning 1 month challenge anew 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done so that at least at the end of July I have it in my hands, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it What went well today: (NF:4/NW:0/NS:2) did my regular Spanish, did and organized so much different stuff and walked a lot but now it is quite nice to have nearly all of it done^^ What I could have done to make my day better waking up ealier would have been nice again and I even prepared for it but what I was not prepared for were all the ants and there was just no end to them☹ What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up earlier, try to meditate for 30min, study at least 4hours/prepare new material to learn, go to university, go to the gym Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future next one on the 26th 😉
  23. Bank of Habit/Hobby Ideas (Work In Progress) - Stop cracking knuckles. - Stop multitasking. - Focusing on not comparing yourself to others. - Meditation. - Stretching. - Yoga. - Piano. - Origami. - Homework first thing when getting home. - Coding. - Eating more veggies. - Sleeping an extra hour. - Drawing. - Writing. - Working on social skills. - Weights. - Cooking. - Baking. - Mindset (reduce ruminating, reduce judgement, be more easygoing, be less competitive with others and don't compare yourself to others). - Spend time outside (no matter the weather). - 1 Daily act of kindness. - Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. - Swimming. - Daily Push-Ups. - Work out shortly in the morning. - Take a walk each day of the weekend. - Photography. - Calligraphy. - Magic. - Speed Cubing. - Bird Watching . - Geocaching. - Knitting. - Tai Chi. - Cryptography. - Flipping items. - Juggling. - Dancing. - Soap making. - Making electronic music. - Knotting. - Crossword puzzles. - Parkour.
  24. Day 14 -- 05/22/19 FOG 77 Days (Free Of Gaming) FOF 77 Days (Free Of Fapping) FOP 107 Days (Free Of Porn) CR 54 Days (Clean Room) FOSAS 22 Days (Free Of Sugar Added Snacks) (Avoiding added sugar as much as possible, this includes foregoing dessert) FOYT 22 Days (Free Of YouTube) WF 22 Days (Drinking water first thing in the morning) FOE 2 Day (Free Of Earbuds) (With the exception of guided meditation) MGLFS Week 1 (Making Good Lunch For School) One/some amazing thing(s) about today! 1) Got my Physics test back (100%)! 2) Worked on my math homework a lot! What I am grateful for today I am grateful that my family cares about my well being. Wake up time 6:20 Getting to bed before 10pm Nope 10:15 Reading Spent 20 minutes reading Anna Karenina in the morning. Workout Went for a bike ride for an hour and a quarter (spent about 40 minutes on the bike). Meditation Spent 10 minutes doing silent indoor meditation in the morning. Spanish Spent 15 minutes on Duolingo. Outdoors time Walked to and from the hospital. Walked to and from school. Went on a bike ride for an hour and a quarter (encountered a wild turkey [that was odd], watched the sun set for 10 minutes from the walking bridge). Typing Spent 10 minutes typing. Homework Spent about an hour and a half working on my calculus homework. Also did calculus for half of lunch. What went well today Aced my Physics test, did some morning meditation and got some math done. Really enjoyed my bike ride. I was really proud that I noticed the sun set and stopped my bike on the bridge to watch it for 10 minutes. I am generally quite uptight, so stopping to watch the sunset was a big step for me, as in the past I would have either not noticed it enough to stop or would have kept biking knowing that I should probably get home and do some homework. Taking a step back like this makes me super happy 🙂. What I could have done better today I had a really solid day all things considered. Would've like to do some evening meditation and got to bed earlier, but then I wouldn't have been able to watch that beautiful sunset. I think I made the right decision. What I will do differently tomorrow Morning meditation and reading. Track practice. Calculus homework as much as possible. Prepare gear for weekend camping trip (leaving Friday night). My (New) Monthly Goal Maintaining and further developing the habits that I have managed to build over the last two months. Letting go of noting down the amount of time that I spend on things and just letting myself live now that I have a fairly solid arsenal of good habits. Instead, keep track and hold myself accountable through journaling. Feelings Felt very good throughout the school day. Felt hollow and empty in the afternoon. Minor food cravings (I cut peanut butter yesterday, but realized today that it really wasn't worth it and that it wasn't that bad for me)(I eat super healthy, so cutting peanut butter was somewhat extreme). Going for a bike ride made me feel a lot better 🙂.
  25. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 32: Spent a lot of time on Iceland, did English teaching and spent nothing on school. Documentary is finished. Tired after the post above! @Ikar: study for uni!
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