Paul's Journal

[Paul A.]

Haven't really posted an ACTUAL entry in a couple days...

I've had several 'relapses' over the past few days... what I mean by that is that my siblings keep coming to me for help with their stupid mobile games, and since they're the most unreasonable people I know, I've resigned to just helping them. It's super annoying, but it kills my boredom for a few minutes. Another thing I'm forced to deal with is my twelve year old brother, and the only things he does all day is #1: Watch anime, and #2: Play Super Smash Flash 2 on KBHgames (using primarily anime characters, of course). His compulsive anime watching is annoying enough, but it's even more annoying when he's playing on the computer (right now!!), and I have to deal with him saying he'll give me the computer after one more match before I can do what I have to. Irkiness to a new level. This is one reason I used to bother my parents to let me have MY computer back (I got in trouble a while back and lost my computer), because my brother is such a damn hog. There's nothing I can really do about it though, except pester my dad some more . That'll be fun.

[AlexTheGrape]

Thanks for keeping us posted on your relapse!

Keeping on the GQ forums during my relapses really helped me to self assess what I was doing, where I went wrong, and how I could improve for my next attempt. Likewise you will find it hugely beneficial to keep posted even if something goes wrong or you're embarrassed. My other recommendation is that you make it clear to your family that you're not playing games any more if you haven't already; that way they'll understand if you don't help them with their mobile games and such.

How are your new activities going? I'd love to hear about them!

[Paul A.]

My siblings are super unreasonable so they wouldn't understand, and my parents are biased toward my younger siblings anyhow, so I don't think it would work out, thanks for the advice though. An issue like this actually came up before, my sister wanted help with a game and I didn't give it to her, and of course she started crying, and when my dad asked why I didn't help her, I told him about my non-gaming, and all he did was shake his head.

[AlexTheGrape]

My siblings are super unreasonable so they wouldn't understand, and my parents are biased toward my younger siblings anyhow, so I don't think it would work out, thanks for the advice though. An issue like this actually came up before, my sister wanted help with a game and I didn't give it to her, and of course she started crying, and when my dad asked why I didn't help her, I told him about my non-gaming, and all he did was shake his head.

That's unfortunate, but I also faced the same issues earlier on. My parents actively encouraged me to 'take a break' and 'reward myself' by playing games for having doing well academically, and everyone in my family didn't take me seriously for quitting games. The best thing to do is to firstly have an intentional conversation with them about why you're quitting games, how you'll become a better person for it, and ask for their support. Next is to just keep going with quitting and those around you will quickly get the notion that you're not playing any more video games and so they'll stop nagging you to help and such.

I hope my experiences have given you a bit of insight, just message me if you want more help, I'll be happy to give it!

[Paul A.]

Yesterday wasn't the greatest...

I had my first major relapse. I downloaded several games on my phone, reinstalled ROBLOX on my computer, and played on KBHgames.com. I think it was a combination of watching my brother play for days, and severe boredom, that caused my relapse. My lack of an alternative hobby was temporarily alleviated by programming, but I've found I lack motivation to continue doing so, and I've been feeling unmotivated in general. I feel that there's nothing worthy of my time, like I can't find lasting enjoyment in anything, and that has manifested into physical exhaustion and lethargy.

Edited January 26, 2016 by Paul A.

[WorkInProgress]

Hi its really big that you post this right away. Honesty is rly important

Don't be to hard on yoursefl, i had a similar experience today too, was kind of depressed and had to study for 3hours and clean the floors and dust things up as I came home from university. And i just had no mtoivation at all sat down feeling bad. I knew i should do smth. constructive treid to motivate me with my goals and stuff and just thought fuvk it and watched some youtube videos of dota 2. And if i didn't knew better from my relapses before this trial in semi-public i would jsut downloaded it. INstead i lay depressed on my couch until my wife came home and cheered me up. I think i really miss on good social hobby's. But i now im better and i hope you get over this state too. First time i felt that way in my 11 days.

It is just how our brain works, rewiring this reward centres in our brains takes some time. I'm sure this will go away after a few day's. We jsut have to stay strong and endure it.

[Primmulla]

Paul, have you found your hobby yet? You are still very young, and now school should be of the highest priority for you. Certainly, there has to be a school subject you particularly like or are good at. Instead of looking for a hobby, determine which school subject is your favourite and try to excel at it. Aim at getting straight As, master not only what the teacher demands for a good grade, but go beyond the curriculum and learn more about the subject. It seems to me that it is the best way to proceed, taking into account your current age and circumstances.

As far as your gaming siblings are concerned, you should not give in to their demands to help them with their games. Judging from your description of their behaviour, they may soon be addicted to playing or are already addicts. You should talk to your parents about it, maybe refer them to one of Cam's articles about gaming addition? I saw that Cam also wrote an article addressed to parents, though I have not read it since I am not parent myself. Maybe reading more about the problems of gaming will help them understand and support your decision.

And never give up We all here keep our fingers crossed for you

[Paul A.]

Paul, have you found your hobby yet? You are still very young, and now school should be of the highest priority for you. Certainly, there has to be a school subject you particularly like or are good at. Instead of looking for a hobby, determine which school subject is your favourite and try to excel at it. Aim at getting straight As, master not only what the teacher demands for a good grade, but go beyond the curriculum and learn more about the subject. It seems to me that it is the best way to proceed, taking into account your current age and circumstances.

As far as your gaming siblings are concerned, you should not give in to their demands to help them with their games. Judging from your description of their behaviour, they may soon be addicted to playing or are already addicts. You should talk to your parents about it, maybe refer them to one of Cam's articles about gaming addition? I saw that Cam also wrote an article addressed to parents, though I have not read it since I am not parent myself. Maybe reading more about the problems of gaming will help them understand and support your decision.

And never give up We all here keep our fingers crossed for you

 Thanks for the advice! To be honest, I've never been a fan of school, but I do find myself wanting to go back in the summer because I had nothing to do, only for school to start again and I realize, "I really, REALLY don't like school!!" (mainly because I hate waking up at 6 every morning) and I dread waking up every morning, anxiously awaiting the conclusion of the school year, only to find myself bored again in the summer. It's a vicious cycle. But anyhow, I think I can still find a hobby if I really apply myself. Following @AlexTheGrape's advice to "just do it," I just force myself to engage in a particular hobby, and enjoyment develops over time.

Edited January 27, 2016 by Paul A.
accidentally posted before I was finished

[Paul A.]

Another not so good day...

According to some advice from my fellow GameQuitters since I'm young I don't have to worry so much about not getting something meaningful done every day, but I still feel guilty when I don't. As well I can't find it in me to stick to a hobby, but I can try tomorrow (yet ANOTHER day off of school). My day went something like this: I watched some anime (Kill la Kill and Blue Exorcist, entertaining but strong language), I shoveled snow (and lost a snowball fight), I read a couple articles online (most of them irrelevant), and then I watched some (irrelevant) YouTube videos. And then there was my evening routine. Lately I'‌ve found myself gravitating towards sex, whether it be looking up sexual terms on Wikipedia, or looking at sexual images, and I even went as visiting a porn star's website. I just hope it didn't last and I can get it together quickly, because it's really affecting my conscience. Otherwise a pretty average day. I can try on the hobby thing tomorrow and hopefully not be tempted by my 'alternative' porn.

[Cam Adair]

Hey Paul. The best way to have consistent good days is to have a consistent morning routine full of good habits to get your day going. Start tomorrow off by exercising and I bet it will help you have a better day.

[AlexTheGrape]

Hi Paul! It's great you tried those new hobbies, they are foundations from where new and improved skills can grow. Primmula was right in that school is important at this stage and that is certainly true, but everyone needs leisure time; it is what you do with your leisure time that makes the difference. Perhaps find someone else to program with or somebody you can get help from in this area or with one of the other hobbies your might want to pursue. If school work isn't your thing, then make sure to broaden your search. I haven't heard you mention performing arts, do you reckon you may have an interest in that topic? Also if you want to read something helpful, I'd recommend The Slight Edge to the moon and back; it has been instrumental for me to change my attitude to pursue my goals.

[Paul A.]

Thanks for the advice guys, I actually installed Duolingo this morning and I'm learning Spanish. Speaking of good days, mine started on a humorous note. I was watching my brother play ROBLOX, and he suddenly exclaimed, "Why are my pits so SWEATY?!" This was something I suffered from when I used to game, and I derived pleasure from his discomfort.

 

[Paul A.]

I'm taking a break for a while... I just don't think I can do it. I can't seem to be able to fill my time better, and I'm still feeling as bored and unsatisfied as usual. As I mentioned before, trying to quit games as a teen, and especially being surrounded by gaming siblings, is a huge challenge, and I don't think I'm up for it. Maybe when I'm older and have financial freedom and more freedom in general, I can come back to GameQuitters and maybe find some hobbies I find fulfilling, but right now I just don't think I'm ready. This might be one of my last posts for a while, but it was fun while it lasted

Goodbye everyone  

[Cam Adair]

Hey bro. We'll always be here. But make no mistake, you can do this. Sure, you're young and surrounded by games, but the only question you have to ask is: is that really the life you want? Do you want to continue to game? Or are you just trying to avoid the boredom and stress you feel without it? If it's the latter, then gaming isn't going to solve that problem, it's only going to temporarily numb you from it.

[Paul A.]

Well I guess I'm back (after like 2 hours :P)

I'm unable to enjoy video games anymore, because of one thing: my acute inability to game. I swear, I'm probably the worst video gamer in history (worse than @Django claims he is ), and like most people, I HATE LOSING. Any activity that is generally considered "fun" is considered "stupid" in my eyes if I am not any good at it, and this applies especially to video games. So I'm kinda forced to quit. I still don't really know what I'll be spending my time doing, but I'm thinking I will just force myself to read more. Looks like I don't really have any other choice  As well, I discovered just an hour earlier that gaming is a HUGE distraction for me; my parents said my siblings and I should shovel snow and I couldn't stay focused on that for more than ten minutes without going back to the computer to play some stupid game.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Paul A.
does this really need to be here no one needs to know if you had to add something or to delete something all they need is the knowledge that is inside the post, edited or not

[Cam Adair]

Hey Paul. Are you in school? What's the situation with that if you don't mind me asking?

[Paul A.]

Well a huge snowstorm hit my area recently and I've been out of school the entire week.

[Paul A.]

Well I spent a good portion of the day gaming... Generally unsatisfied but at least i had something to do. There are a few games i enjoyed playing, but i suppose I have to watch out for those because it might spiral into addictive behavior. I won't go into details but I think I expressed some addictive behavior today. Gaming did not stop me, however, from improving my Spanish on Duolingo, and posting a journal entry (although it's nighttime and I'm not allowed to be on the computer by this time ). I still don't think I'm ready to give the games up, not until I can come up with a viable replacement at least.

 

[Paul A.]

So for the past few days I've been gaming (or at least trying to), and it's been boring for the most part, though it is still addicting. My dad said we weren't allowed to play on the computer yesterday, and I was pretty mad about it, but to be honest yesterday wasn't a good day. I got yelled at by my mom because I wasn't demonstrating proper manners or whatever at their friend's house, and also because I never listen to them and I'm irresponsible and I was making excuses and trying to justify why I was irresponsible and all that shit. It was tough and I broke down in tears, but of course all my mom did was to keep screaming at me, and my parents said I should stop feeling sorry for myself every time I do something wrong. This kind of stuff happens to me rather often, and only me, the oldest one, and it pisses me off. It's not like I try to do the wrong stuff, but I do anyway. I can't help it. They keep saying that I should be conscious of my responsibilities, but I can't because it is too mentally exhausting to keep reminding myself of all the things I should be doing because I have all this other shit going on in my head, that I don't want to go into. So it's tough, but no one really seems to understand . I was thinking I should start writing more because it might be the only healthy way for me to express myself. 

[Cam Adair]

I was thinking I should start writing more because it might be the only healthy way for me to express myself. 

This is also a great way to internalize more of WHO you want to be.

[Paul A.]

Nowadays, I don't really try to stop myself when I want to game, but at the same time I don't really want to game. The few games I thought I enjoyed have lost their luster for me, and the only hobby I really have is reading, and occasional writing. I've found I can really enjoy reading if I do it in a quiet location, and I can get absorbed in the text. So I guess my relapse is (unofficially) over.

[Cam Adair]

Proud of you man. Keep going and read The Slight Edge as soon as possible!

[Paul A.]

I think reading would be the perfect hobby... if I wasn't so lazy. For whatever reason it takes me a tremendous amount of effort to sit (or lay ) down somewhere and read, effort I am unable to put in. I find it a whole lot easier to read at nighttime when I have nothing to do, especially on the weekends because I DON'T have to wake up at six the next morning, but I can't keep doing this or I'll just find myself bored again and gravitating towards video games. By the way today is day 0 (or day 1, the survey told me day 0) of my 90-day detox, wish me luck everyone

Also I've been learning a little Spanish every day on Duolingo, I'm on a four or five day streak

Edited February 3, 2016 by Paul A.
never mind it's seven

[Cam Adair]

Thanks for participating in the survey!

[Paul A.]

So the past few days I've been spending time watching TV... I know it's not the best use of my time, but I'm really enjoying the programs I'm watching: Yesterday I watched Groundhog Day, when school was out I watched SNL reruns and Comedy Central (I consider myself the class clown and some who have classes with me do too), and right now I'm watching Friends. It's really sucking so I haven't read lately, but I'm supposed to go to the library today for more material.