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2-hour play after 8 months game-free

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Posted

Hi folks, it's been a while!

1st of all, this is not a relapse post. At least not in the way I see my experience. Allow me to explain it.

I quit playing on the 15th of July, 2016 (the date might be off +/- 5 days, I don't remember the exact day). From that moment on, my life changed in a good way. It definitely hasn't been an easy ride, but as the time went by, I felt less afraid and more confident with the decisions I was making for myself. I make myself responsible for whatever happens to me - I don't want it any other way. I found purpose on writing and started writing short stories for the very first time in my life. I am currently working on my second story with plans to self publish them as soon as I get the second one done.

Fast forwading to 2 days ago. I was triggered. Nothing unusual, really. Yet, last week I watched some video games videos on YouTube, more than I wanted to. I endured being triggered day after day. On friday, I decided to give in. "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yeld to it" - Oscar Wylde. I got myself a Sega Genesis emulator and played two rounds of Streets of Rage 3 (about 2 hours of gameplay, maybe less). Here is what I thought about the experience:

  • First game was fun. Game Over screen, I couldn't beat it. I decided to play it again. "My addiction is kicking in" - I thought as I pressed start button for a new game.
  • During play, I started to think about the things I should be doinginstead: the dishes, hang the clothes from the washing machine, write my story, tide up the room (I'd be receiving guests the next day), exercise, etc. I started to feel anxious. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't, not until I had lives and continues. I started to play faster, trying to speed run the game.
  • After my second "Game Over" (still didn't beat the game on the second run) I stopped. My hands were shaking, I was nervous. I was thinking of what to answer if asked "How did you spend your day?" - even having played for "only" 2 hours.
  • The experience wasn't satisfying. Not only that, it wasn't as fun as I remembered, not even close. The fun curve dropped really fast. I could easily think of 100 things that I could have done that would be more fun than spending those 2 hours gaming.

If anything, these 2 hours completed my cycle with video games. I don't feel that my story with games is incomplete anymore, just as I thought it was at the end of my detox. I truly moved on, without being aware of it.

About 8 years ago, I used to drink A LOT of soda while playing dominoes with some friends. Today I can't drink more than two sips of it. Video games went right in to the same place that soda is in my life's shelf.

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Posted

Well, that a wise choice Reno!

I think that we all need to move it to the place where for you soda is and where for me TV is.

I'm glad you did it 2 hours to reevaluate. That's what I'd really desire whenever I have relapse.

Thanks for this post! You inspired me to be as much "detoxed" as you are! :)

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Posted

Sometimes closure is what we need. Thanks for sharing brother! 

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Posted

@hycniejsy Let the past be in the past. Thank you for your kind compliments, Hycniejsy!

@Cam Adair Exactly. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

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