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Mhyrions journey

196 posts in this topic

Posted

I mean, I can concentrate aaaaaaall day on a game, but 1 hour study is too much? It's a bit silly to me.

Great point! It does seem a bit strange like that. Maybe it's easier to concentrate on more stimulating stuff.

But still, I think the concentration gets worse with time even in games. Isn't it like every high elo players tip #1 to take breaks between matches?
:)

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Posted

Glad you're doing well!

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Posted

Entry 18

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Day 23

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In contrast to yesterday, today I was totally lacking focus. I woke up really early and just couldn't seem to wake up 100%. I still managed to put in 5 1/2 hour for my study. I'm not sure why my focus was bad today, which is more troubling to me then the actual lack of focus. If I don't know what causes it, I can't fix it. Going for a bike ride and some coffee helped a bit, but the last hour really felt like a drag. It didn't ruin my mood though, or rather, I didn't let it ruin my mood.

Yesterday and the day before I ate loads of junkfood. It didn't make me happy, and I will not make me happy on the long term either. So I decided to give myself some healthy options that are still easy to grab when craving a snack. So today I ate a load of carrots and a tangerine instead of chocolate and other candy. I'm still pretty hungry. I also have not touched soda in a couple of days, so onward to healthy eating habits.

 

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I’m grateful for:

-fresh water

-carrots

-wind at my back during cycling

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Posted

Yesterday and the day before I ate loads of junkfood.

If you're wondering what would contribute to your lack of focus, this. 

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Posted

Quite possible that you have a Little detox from sugar. Stay sure that you take enouh kalories in at your main meals and your body will adjust to it. Evading sweets and sugar can ahve an quite strong effect on your brain. Also it takes away willpower not to eat these things until it became a habit or smth you just not do. A thing to evade willpower erosion is to limit the accesibility of sweets in your home. I personally just don't buy sweet sutff anymore and it seems to work quite well.

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Posted

Entry 19

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Day 24

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Thank for the replies guys!

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I failed not eating junk food on the second day, so much for willpower. I should mentally prepare for going to the store apparently, because I couldn't resist. It's also so in your face. The first thing when you walk into the supermarket is all the sweets and crisps and other delicious but ultimately bad food. I was not prepared.

 

I failed working on my study also. I just was so tired and couldn't care. I slept for 10 hours past night, took a long nap this midday, and I still feel exhausted. I tried to persuade myself into working, thinking of the benefits, the long term goals. Didn't really help. I tried to write off my distracting emotions, because telling myself there'd be time for that in the evening was not convincing enough. This did not help either. I tried going outside, but everything was so overwhelming it brought me to the verge of tears. I mean anything. The colour of the sky was upsetting, for crying out loud I fucking hate it when I have these moods.

 

I have to focus more on a more regular sleeping pattern and healthy eating habits to increase my energy levels. Being tired is a dangerous state of mind. I tend to get destructive, feel really down and ultimately make (very) bad (regrettable) decisions. If I want to enjoy life to the fullest, accomplish things, I need to have the energy to do so.

 

On the bright side, I did complete my morning routine. And I have a lot to be grateful for. I am still committed to not gaming. I might have flunked a lot of things today, I still didn't game. I also didn't drink soda today, so that's a week of no soda already. Also, I'm not dying and the house didn't collapse, so in that light I'd say this is still a decent day.

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Posted (edited)

Bad days jsut happen. I think you planning the right steps to get out of the funk. I try to never enter a Supermarket without a list of groceries I want to buy. Whats not on the list doesn't get bought. In the beginning you will forget things you feed to buy. But if you adjust to it shopping gets easier and  faster. Also ignoring the intricate design of supermarkets gets easier.

Gj on the morning routine and not drinking Soda!

Edited by WorkInProgress
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Posted

For willpower this video can help.

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Posted

On the bright side, I did complete my morning routine. And I have a lot to be grateful for. I am still committed to not gaming. I might have flunked a lot of things today, I still didn't game. I also didn't drink soda today, so that's a week of no soda already. Also, I'm not dying and the house didn't collapse, so in that light I'd say this is still a decent day.

Very successful day in my books!

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Posted

Entry 20

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Day 25 & 26

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Bad days jsut happen. I think you planning the right steps to get out of the funk. I try to never enter a Supermarket without a list of groceries I want to buy. Whats not on the list doesn't get bought. In the beginning you will forget things you feed to buy. But if you adjust to it shopping gets easier and  faster. Also ignoring the intricate design of supermarkets gets easier.

Gj on the morning routine and not drinking Soda!

@WorkInProgress I am now prepared! ^^

 

For willpower this video can help.

@Cam Adair Didn't see that one yet, very helpful. Thanks!

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Day 25

Had a severe headache the whole day. Couldn't stand light, smells, sound or movement, so stayed in bed. Maybe Thursday was a prelude to this day.

 

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Day 26

Woke up still with the headache. Had a bad night, waking up a lot. I did have my appetite back. In the midday I got up and just sat next to my hubby, watched him game. Maybe not the most sensible thing to do, but I could not do much yet without making my head ache and I was really done with lying in bed. My hubby is great company. I did some little things with long, long breaks in between, and cooked a simple dinner. Still have some painkiller in my system, taking it easy.

 

I've established that I need to better plan ahead and need more routine in my life. Right now it's more important that I make a stable day to day routine and healthy lifestyle then spend a lot of time at my study, although the latter would be a nice bonus. But being steady and healthy will make this possible in the longer run. I want to prevent myself from crashing like last Thursday. It's okay to crash, and I do not feel too terrible about it either, but I want to be able to recover more quickly. Tomorrow I will make a schedule for the rest of the week.

 

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Goals:

-bike ride every day

-reading every day

-no soda

-no junk food

-wake up early and go to bed early

-work 5.5 hours at my study every work day

 

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I'm grateful for:

-painkillers

-the company of my hubby and the cat

-quiet neighbourhood

 

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Posted

Entry 21

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Day 27

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Except for snoozing this morning, this day went great. I found myself browsing the internet for a moment in the morning, and then I thought: this is not what I want to do. So I took a long bike ride. It was cold, the sun was shining, there was not too much wind and the roads were empty. So peaceful. It was very satisfying. When I came home I felt pretty energetic. I decided to do things that will make the rest of my week more productive. So I made a schedule for Monday and Tuesday and did a lot of housework that might be distracting to me later this week. I'm not sure how the schedule is going to hold up with reality, so I will plan the rest of the week on Tuesday evening.

 

My hubby was a bit distant today, but I got him to go for a walk together which was nice. Then the conversation landed on finding an apartment, so we discussed that and took action when we got home. He wrote some e-mails to different institutions, I made an overview of the sites we want to keep an eye on. I promised my hubby to look for houses every Wednesday evening and Sunday. This might give me some peace too. I really hate looking for apartments, it's really disappointing to not be eligible for almost everything. So I either postponed it or browsed for hours in a sort of desperate rage. The latter is really soul-crushing. So no more of that.

 

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Today I'm grateful for:

-the weather

-a clean home

-nice dinner

-self-made yogurt drink

 

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Posted

Entry 22

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Day 28 & 29

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Day 28

 

I worked with a schedule today, and it was quite nice. It saves a lot of energy not having to make too many decisions throughout the day. I accomplished a lot. Also made a few appointments for next week at the academy, which will give me some nice deadlines to work towards.

 

This morning I decided to try something else then naming the things I'm happy with or grateful for. I've been an active christian for many years but a half year ago I stopped going to church. Long story short, I dropped everything I ever learned in church because I could not live what I believed in. But I realize I've learned a lot of things that are also useful without the context of faith. So, this morning I practised proclaiming good things about myself. 'I am great', 'I am capable of making good decisions', 'I am social', etc. I don't necessarily believe all the things I said about myself, but I do believe in the power of words. Positive words will have positive results.

 

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Day 29

 

Today I started again with proclaiming good things about myself. I had much trouble focusing up till now, so I decided to just write it off as I am in a reflective mood.

 

I just thought of yesterday, and what I did. And even though it was not the most productive of days, a few things I am actually really proud of. I called a lady that had a house for let. I just called her. I was just a tiny bit anxious, but not a whole lot. The phone call didn't go great either, the timing was not great because she was very busy. But I was proud that I called without further procrastinating on it, without getting too flustered. (No luck on getting the house however) What I also did yesterday was ask for help. I rarely ask for help, I find it very difficult to admit that I cannot do things on my own, even if it's totally normal. Because it's totally normal not to have a perfect animation set-up at home. The academy has. So I asked to be shown around, let me see the facilities, see if anything is useful for me. I set my sights on a small room with a stop-motion setup. The camera is connected to a Mac with software specifically for stop-motion, very convenient. But anyway, the big thing is: I would've never asked for help a month ago. And it's helping tremendously. I also felt like yesterday I had a decent time connecting to fellow students. I am not a smooth talker, but I didn't feel afraid to ask things, mingle into a conversation. Being disconnected from games really helps me connecting in real life, and I'm really happy to see that.

 

I was also thinking that the past month has been very up and down, but the downs are not nearly as dark as they used to be and the ups are higher. In average I still do something on bad days. I am also more aware of my current states and actions. 'Am I tired, how did it happen, can I fix it right now?' 'Thinking is not working right now, can I do something practical?' 'I see I've clicked the Firefox icon for the 50th time in an hour, but am I doing something useful or can I better switch of the wifi for a while?' I feel like being aware of myself is something I totally lacked while I was on gaming streaks. The more practice I'll get, the better I'll be able to control my emotions and actions. This idea also makes me happy.

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Posted

Some days will be easier than others, even for me and for everyone that is the case, but it's most important that you just notice when your day is one thing or the other and work to shit your mood to what you WANT to experience.

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Posted

Entry 23

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Day 0

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I relapsed. Today is day 0 again.

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Posted

Aw, what happened? Any particular reason you relapsed? Seemed like in your last entry things were going more positively overall.

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