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Relapse Time Unknown

7 posts in this topic

Posted

  So I have failed.. I actually went full on into video games, went and spent more money on the exact thing I was so set on quitting. I downloaded almost my entire steam library again, and even reconnected with my buddies who game. I was gaming so much I just felt a sort of fog over my mind. I would start playing games, and next thing I know it's dark outside. I just wonder what am I doing wrong here? I did everything I could to quit, deleted all the games, started working out more, even started reading books too. Today I began the process of quitting AGAIN(I just feel weak), but there's this one game called Stardew Valley, I just cant seem to let go. It's just such a simple and peaceful game, and I enjoy it. But I know I must quit, but I know that I will fail, I just know it. Am I ill equipped for this? What am I lacking? There's this anxiety that I feel now as I try to resist that urge, I almost feel as though, maybe I'm insane. Sometimes I feel like that. God help me. But where do I go? Half of me wants to keep playing games, doing what I've known for soo long, and the other half knows there are better things to be done but just doesnt know what to do when there's nothing to do. Any support would be appreciated, any and all... :/

 
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Posted (edited)

Hi Ben,

I can relate to a lot of the things you say, as well as having multiple relapses over and over during attempts to quit earlier this year and last winter. I probably had several 10+ day detox attempts only to go back into binging for 2-3 months straight. Eventually I got fed up enough that I'm now 4 months through a detox with only some minor relapsing for a few days near the 3 month mark. It really was incredibly tough to stick with it but eventually it does get easier and easier; and it's sooo worth it. I hear you when you feel like you are going crazy sometimes, it really feels that way when you are doing something else that's going to rewire your brain away from the dopamine kick addiction that you are so used to. It'll come in waves but I know I and other people have gone through it and come out the other side and you can too! Your nervous system is incredibly intelligent and it won't ever give you more than you can handle to process, even if it feels that way sometimes. Some things that were the most helpful for me, if you think they resonate with you:

I think community in a broad sense is the #1 thing to help you recover from any addiction, period. Eyeball time and face to face contact is what we need to move on from stuff. When I was finally able to have a successful detox is was because of:

1) reaching out to friends and having the chance to talk about what you're going through openly, the highs and the lows; gaming addiction isn't on that many people's radar, which means you might need to put some extra effort into explaining what's going on to people; the upside of this is that people really won't be judgemental because most often they won't think it's even as big of a deal as you make it out to be.

2) I saw a therapist once a week for two months or so and I'd probably continue to do so once I sort out my insurance in my new living area; again, really helpful to have face to face time with someone you can talk with openly; if you have any sort of insurance in the US you'll be able to see someone an hour a week without paying a dime.

3) Having a weekly Skype call with an accountability partner was a huge help; not quite face to face but a really good way to have someone who can relate with what you're going through.

You're worth it, you got this : )

Edited by MmmWatermelon
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Posted

It is quite interesting that the only game I think of during my detox is Stardew Valley. From my 600 games, it is the ONLY one in my mind. And for the same reasons like you stated. Because it is so easy, relaxing and mind numbing. Making progress almost goes without doing anything and the progress feels good. I have been thinking a lot about that situation and I believe it could be solved by doing something "similar". I know, we wont inherit an old farm, but if you break that game down to what you do, you can actually find similar activities. For example, I started to get interested in cooking and preserving food. In the game, you need to grow plant A and combine it with object B to craft artisan product C. You can do that in your real life, too. And in the end, you will look at something you really created. That is my idea for now, to find activities in real life, that are similar to what you liked to do in your favorite game.

So, keep your head up and look forward to trying again! I mean it. Every time you try again, you have a better and better starting position. Don't worry too much and look on the progress you already made. You have this under control!

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Posted

Thank you Watermelon. It's nice to see someone else who relates to the "insanity" part. Face to face time, that seems nice. But I don't have insurance, so text and call will have to suffice. 

 

And Robert, thanks for the encouragement man, it really lifts my spirit. I will look forward, I already feel a sense of freedom, but sometimes I still feel depressed, I just have to focus on the positive things. 

Seriously, thank you guys. Every word counts, and you have both helped me with what each of you have said. You guys are awesome. ^_^

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Posted

You're not alone Ben and you're also not weak or a bad person.

I just posted recently in the relapse forums because it almost sucked me back in.

There are replacements for the feelings you get from specific games, Minecraft -> explore, build, create, socialize, compete, etc. That's what Game Quitters teaches at its core. How to replace those feelings and that is great. It's like the first step. You can start there with your game. Why feelings or what specifically are you getting out of your favorite games and how can you get those same feelings from RL?

The master class version is to sit quietly and do Heartwork through the feelings of not being able to get those feelings when you want or need them. For me, that is more difficult, painful, but also more rewarding because in the opposite side of the intense feelings is freedom and ironically the same feeling you were trying to find - only more intense. 

Here's a link to how to do Heartwork: https://awakentheheart.org/guided-heartwork/

Good luck, you are not alone - we are right here with you!

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Posted

Thank you Colin!

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Posted

Thank you for your post Ben W.  It helps me to know that someone else is struggling like I am also.

 

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