"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

The Warrior's Infinite Opus

341 posts in this topic

Posted

Don't worry. Most of These bloody refuges are pretty nomral people if you get to kno them ;) Still waiting to have a bad experience with one of them here in Germany. There is much panic and in reality not so many problems.

Gj on getting your coding done!

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Posted

+Robin You are a fucking legend thanks a bunch mate.

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Posted

 Still waiting to have a bad experience with one of them here in Germany.

I'll see for myself then. I have heard a lot of bad things but nothing beats first hand experience.

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Posted (edited)

Date: Fri 26/11/2016

Journal day: 14

Detox day: 20

Days since I last wanked ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 1

  1. 100 pushups a day
  2. Get up at 6:30 every day apart from sundays
  3. You cant wank if you haven't talked to any girls that day
  4. You matter the most.
  5. Negativity is there because you feel negative. The world is not against you.
  6. Nobody cares about how you act. They only care about their ego. Express yourself!
  7. 5 German words a day
  8. Eat as much as you can whenever you can you skinny little shite :)
  9. Every failure is room for improvement- nothing more and nothing less

Woke up at:

07:30

Went to bed at:

00:50

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up late
  • Forgot german words
  • Maybe I should start working out
  • So this one kid said people think I'm gay at school? He was probably taking the piss but I am pretty feminine in a lot of ways. Hahahaha I couldn't even imagine being gay. Who even cares anyway.
  • I was depressed before i went to work. Went down at last minute. Came out EXTREMELY satisfied as always.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 100 pushups.
  • Ate loads. I eat the leftovers off the plates at work a lot.
  • I got my project to work finally. I'm on the home straight now.
  • Went to work

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Food

What I have learnt from today:

  • I realise if you put effort and positivity into your life you will get something out always
  • I should focus on the task rather than the reward. I shouldn't beat myself up over being a loser and not good enough for girls. Girls aren't my biggest problem right now. Being a loser is my problem and if I work on it I will get something out of it (maybe girls). Keep your head in the game.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up early
  • Get homework done
  • Stay consistent with your goals

Notes:

Edited by Schwing
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Posted

I was too tired to do journal yesterday so here's a few things:

Got up really late at 12. I just couldn't get my arse out of bed. Did my 100 pushups and some homework but I goofed off for most of it. Talked to my friend again it sucks we only know each other over the internet because he is the only true friend I have. Forgot german words again. Ate a lot of food.

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Posted

Keep going. A little bit of progress each day adds up a lot over time.

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Posted

Date: Sun 27/11/2016

Journal day: 16

Detox day: 21

Days since I last wanked ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 3

  1. 100 pushups a day
  2. Get up at 6:30 every day apart from sundays
  3. You cant wank if you haven't talked to any girls that day
  4. You matter the most.
  5. Negativity is there because you feel negative. The world is not against you.
  6. Nobody cares about how you act. They only care about their ego. Express yourself!
  7. 5 German words a day
  8. Eat as much as you can whenever you can you skinny little shite :)
  9. Every failure is room for improvement- nothing more and nothing less
  10. Be persistent. Progress adds up over time. 

Woke up at:

13:00

Went to bed at:

22:45

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up way too late i tried to get up at 7:30 but i just couldn't get my arse out of bed
  • Forgot german words
  • Tried to do some studying but I just lost focus and daydreamed
  • I was quite depressed for a large portion of today. I just sat at my computer desk listening to music and didn't do much productive stuff
  • My friend has dumped his slutty girlfriend

Tasks and Achievements:

  • 100 pushups.
  • Ate loads.
  • Art. I should try out watercolour already.

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Food

What I have learnt from today:

  • I need to start structuring my life asap

About tomorrow:

  • Get up early
  • Talk to some girls
  • Focus when studying
  • Running
  • Stay consistent with your goals

Notes:

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Posted

Keep going. A little bit of progress each day adds up a lot over time.

You couldn't be more right

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Posted

Date: Mon 28/11/2016

Journal day: 17

Detox day: 22

Days since I last wanked ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 4

  1. 100 pushups a day
  2. Get up at 6:30 every day apart from sundays
  3. You cant wank if you haven't talked to any girls that day
  4. You matter the most.
  5. Negativity is there because you feel negative. The world is not against you.
  6. Nobody cares about how you act. They only care about their ego. Express yourself!
  7. 5 German words a day
  8. Eat as much as you can whenever you can you skinny little shite :)
  9. Every failure is room for improvement- nothing more and nothing less
  10. Be persistent. Progress adds up over time. 

Woke up at:

06:30

Went to bed at:

22:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up very early and easily.
  • Didn't stuff myself today
  • I couldn't help it but hate myself all day at school today. Sometimes I just get so obsessed and bitter about how much of a loser I am and get really jealous of everyone around me.
  • I was all alone in a room studying with this girl for a bit. I could have said something but I didn't.
  • I just felt like being alone and studying today.

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Drums. I have been playing almost a year now and looking back I have improved massively. I just can't wait to start playing bass.
  • 100 pushups.
  • Art. I should try out watercolour already.

What I am grateful for:

What I have learnt from today:

  • My daily routines I have laid out cure my boredom and make me more productive but so far I haven't seen any changes to my depression
  • My self esteem is still a huge barrier for me
  • I find myself often trying to convince myself I don't care about anyone or anything to justify my antisocial behaviour when really I have just too little confidence. It really eats away at me.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up early
  • Talk to some girls
  • Focus when studying
  • Stay consistent with your goals

Notes: 

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Posted

Have you thought about doing some sports? Improving in an athletic activity is one of the best ways to build confidence. Of course it has to be something you find cool. I personally like climbing, gymnastics/bodyweight-training and running ( functional fitness seems like a great idea to me).

If you could change on thing at yourself freely without effort (attitude/appearance/skills). What would it be?

Ps: You all ready are 3 weeks into a positive change of your life!Also you are very consistent with your journal. Great stuff!

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Posted

Ps: You all ready are 3 weeks into a positive change of your life!Also you are very consistent with your journal. Great stuff!

Agreed. Make sure you celebrate this within yourself. One of the reasons why we remain down a lot is because we never take the time to recognize the good things we're doing, yet we're very quick to recognize when we fuck up.

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Posted

As always, thank you for the amazing support guys.

 

Have you thought about doing some sports?

I have actually started climbing and I'm going to a competition this weekend. But I do fancy starting running and gym but I lack the confidence to get out there and do it. 

If you could change on thing at yourself freely without effort (attitude/appearance/skills). What would it be?

Attitude: Stop hating myself and just about everyone around me

Appearance: I want to be bigger- or just not skinny.

Skills: I want to improve my artistic skills

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Posted

Date: Tue 29/11/2016

Journal day: 18

Detox day: 23

Days since I last wanked ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 5

  1. 100 pushups a day
  2. Get up at 6:30 every day apart from sundays
  3. You cant wank if you haven't talked to any girls that day
  4. You matter the most.
  5. Negativity is there because you feel negative. The world is not against you.
  6. Nobody cares about how you act. They only care about their ego. Express yourself!
  7. 5 German words a day
  8. Eat as much as you can whenever you can you skinny little shite :)
  9. Every failure is room for improvement- nothing more and nothing less
  10. Be persistent. Progress adds up over time. 

Woke up at:

07:20

Went to bed at:

22:00

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up quite late
  • Felt shitty just like yesterday
  • Didn't talk to any girls
  • Came home and played some music and I felt much happier. But I still have the same perspective.
  • Found some awesome new bands

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Got some ideas down for my book
  • 5 german words
  • Ate a lot
  • 100 pushups.
  • Got some work done for my project done in a really short space of time

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Food
  • Being in such a bad way because I know I will come out of this stronger
  • This

What I have learnt from today:

  • I work more efficiently and effectively under stress- or coffee :)
  • Ever since i quit videogames and started this whole self development spiel I have hit an all time low with my depression
  • What goes up must come down. And what goes down must come up.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up early
  • Talk to some girls
  • Focus when studying
  • Running
  • Stay consistent with your goals

Notes: 

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Posted

I saw that you had as a goal to eat a lot. This is a really good idea if you want to take get bigger. An approach which helped me to get bigger from 68kg to 74kg by just doing moderate training (I guess atleast the half of the gain was fat) was to eat the same breakfeast which was rich with protein. 250g Low fat curd (around 25g Protein), oat flakes and honey and a little bit of cream. Because I ate it every day I hadn't to actively think about it and ate a lot more protein compared to before.

Good Job starting to climb. perfect sport for skinny People. You'll get nice arms and shoulders.

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Posted

Date: Tue 30/11/2016

Journal day: 19

Detox day: 24

Days since I last wanked ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ): 6

  1. 100 pushups a day
  2. Get up at 6:30 every day apart from sundays
  3. You cant wank if you haven't talked to any girls that day
  4. You matter the most.
  5. Negativity is there because you feel negative. The world is not against you.
  6. Nobody cares about how you act. They only care about their ego. Express yourself!
  7. 5 German words a day
  8. Eat as much as you can whenever you can you skinny little shite :)
  9. Every failure is room for improvement- nothing more and nothing less
  10. Be persistent. Progress adds up over time. 

Woke up at:

07:00

Went to bed at:

22:10

Thoughts and Feelings:

  • Got up a bit earlier
  • I felt quite happy at school today. I was able to keep to myself a lot but enjoy conversation with other people.
  • I was also quite witty and a lot less insecure.
  • So I was getting changed and the guy next to me flipped out at my muscles because everyone thinks I'm a loser. Felt good.
  • Didn't really talk to any girls again

Tasks and Achievements:

  • Read some of the Silmarillion
  • 5 german words
  • Ate a lot
  • 100 pushups.
  • Ran 7 miles
  • Computing test

What I am grateful for:

  • Metal
  • Food
  • JRR Tolkien

What I have learnt from today:

  • I am starting to see the results of my efforts
  • I know myself as a person now. But I have a lot of work to do.

About tomorrow:

  • Get up early
  • Talk to some girls
  • Focus when studying
  • Stay consistent with your goals

Notes: 

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