"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

My Journal - Alex

832 posts in this topic

Posted

Days 9, 10, 11

Friday today, I now have some time on my hands! School has been very hectic with end of year exams coming up in less than a month, so sorry to those who read my journals, I'll try to make them more frequent.

I had a dream... About games. Tom I'm sure you could relate to this. I was running a factory that produced muskets for use in armies, and in the dream I knew that I needed to try make it as efficient as possible (like in a game). Strangely enough, my thoughts towards gaming were reflected in the dream, it didn't feel right and I felt like I was becoming a slave to the goal of efficiency, when I didn't benefit from the outcome. Likewise any effort I put into games to become better at it or do better in the game is lost and I obtain no outcome that will help me in any way in the real world.

I think the dream diary is working already Tom! More memorable dreams must be a product of recording them on paper.

Hey Alex!

Love reading your updates and really appreciate you contributing to share your thoughts with others. My "to-do" read list is so long. Last I checked it was 247 lol. But I like knowing which books I want to read in the future so I actually get to them. What is your next-book going to be?

?You really are on the extreme Cam! It is amazing to think that having a to-read list in the hundreds is possible in this age, all of which we have the means to obtain! Thank you for the continued encouragement, it really helps! Oh and with the patron fund I find that it seems a great way to keep a consistent flow of income to support the community, but just needs more easily available facts to help convince people. I'll add more about this in the suggestions forum.

Thank you Joe for your input on my steam account and the bible, I'll make sure to read the most important parts of the bible... after I read more interesting books of course! :P I'll add it to my growing to-read list. Deleting my steam account wasn't hard, but it required a lot of thought.

I suppose I could make a thread for letter to games, I need to put my thoughts on my favourites to rest.

I will write my gratefulness fully for each entry so it properly sinks in.

  • I am grateful for dreams that help me realise and understand my thoughts
  • I am grateful for my maths teacher taking his time to explain new concepts to me
  • I am grateful for the privilege/ability to make my own lunch
  • I am grateful that my guitar is still in good condition and has been waiting patiently for me to continue playing it
  • I am grateful for socks that keep my feet warm
  • I am grateful for the bus service that drives me so far towards home
  • I am grateful for my favourite hoodie I am wearing
  • I am grateful for the consistent chirping of birds outside
  • I am grateful for the opportunity to learn at high school
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Posted

Hey I have two pages for my journal now! Celebrating the small victories :)

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Posted

Day 12 - The number seems small now, but the future reward will be life changing!

Saturday, a restful day. I got some work done, played my guitar for a while, it rather uneventful..

I am thinking of trying to make one friend per day like Cam is, it'll sure boost my social skills! I can't drive around by myself yet though, so I may only make friends at school or just by wandering around for now.

For the first time in a while I willingly didn't do a morning run. This was an important learning experience for me because I felt far less productive during the day, and so I know to keep on going with building up good habits.

I found I really lacked engagement throughout the day, which was when playing guitar really came in handy! It gave me a challenge that I needed to think and act fast to excel in, especially since I haven't played it for a few months.

Planning ahead, I am going to maintain my habits until I consistently do them, then I will add more.

My gratefulness list is in my personal diary.

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Posted

Days 13 - 18

Have not had much time to post I'm afraid. Scratch that, I didn't make the time to post. With end of year exams in less than a couple of weeks and 15 x 1 hour exams to study for I'm bound to be busy.

Have had to get up at 6 each morning this week, so was not in rhythm with my daily meditation, dream catching, and gratitude journal. I will try my best for this week.

I made a new friend today on the bus, its amazing how open people can be when you open up yourself. I think most people like conversation but just don't like to start them, especially with strangers. Please remind me to stick to my one new friend per day challenge if I don't mention making a new friend in a daily journal.

I have experience cravings to play the Dark Souls 2 video game recently, mainly because I watched my brother play it, and I confess I played it for a few minutes as well. It corrupted my mind a little but I know that the cravings are also derived from the lack of time we spend together, so i just need to find more ways to fill this gap.

I feel I am able to walk out of my comfort zone more often now, by changing my thoughts to "what is the worst that could happen?" when thinking whether or not to do something out of my comfort zone rather thank fearing rejection or embarrassment.

Thanks community for keeping me on track.

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Posted

Nice! Keep going and good luck with your studies!

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Posted

Yes, you are right! When you are willing to be a leader to start the conversation and then open up yourself, people are more than happy to join you. You just have to take the first step. Imagine if everyone was waiting around for others to invite them to gatherings, or to start conversations. Nobody would ever hang out or talk with each other! Even though they may all want to. :)

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Posted

Days 19-26

No excuses. I've relapsed. On the last day of school I felt I needed a ‘reward’ and having been bored for weeks without games; and just started playing games when I saw my brother on Dark Souls 2. I had played about 2 hours a day since Wednesday and the guilt has crept in and my family are disappointed with my lack of commitment.

I have questioned why I am quitting gaming recently, it hasn’t actually harmed me and I have enjoyed playing them, I still get good grades so why torment myself? I then come back to the idea that I can do much more with my time and can improve myself with the time I would be spending on games. Please post your thoughts on this logic.

I am keeping up my morning running habits at least, but the other new ones I have started such as daily journaling have evaporated.

I’ll keep posted, hopefully daily, on how I’m doing so I don’t get off track again.

To whoever reads, should I reset my day counter? (I am currently on my 26th since officially quitting games). Also I would love some ideas to help motivate me to do my study; last year I was motivated to get a particular academic award, but since I am likely to receive it again this year I don’t have the motivation to improve.

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Posted

Hey Alex! Thanks for sharing, it's important in moments like this when we may be feeling guilt or shame to be honest about our situation.

Remember that relapse can teach us more about how to be successful in the future, so one thing you can take away from this is that gaming has been the way you've rewarded yourself in the past... so if you want to move on successfully you need to find new ways to reward yourself in the future. Also, having been bored for two weeks contributed so moving forward you need to be more intentional with your activities.

Questioning why you are quitting is always good, because it allows you to get more clear on what you really want out of life. The thing is, this isn't about gaming being good or bad, it's about what you truly want in life. Gaming is truly just a way for us to kill time, which is what most people do. Eventually they stop gaming and then just kill time with TV and other silly things like that.

But what are your ambitions?

If you have bigger ambitions in life, your actions need to reflect that. Starting with your morning habits is good and you want to build on that momentum each day. Set bigger goals, that will help with your motivation.

From my perspective, you should reset your counter and complete the 90 days (no gaming), but again the counter is just one small aspect of all of this... it's more important that you keep going forward. For studying, use the Pomodoro Technique, study for 25 mins, take a 5-10 min (non-digital) break, then study again for 25 mins. You can focus for 25 mins. Get out of the house and study at a library or cafe (Starbucks?) where you aren't so distracted by the potential to game.

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Posted

Thank you so much Cam! You gave some good things to consider and provided a thorough overview.

I really do need to find some more things I enjoy to make sure I can keep this up in the long run, and different rewards that are not detrimental in any way.

I will look into setting bigger goals that I will be able to invest my time into, according to each activity I do. 

Thanks again, I will do my best to make sure I complete the 90 days.

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Posted (edited)

I have questioned why I am quitting gaming recently, it hasn’t actually harmed me and I have enjoyed playing them, I still get good grades so why torment myself? I then come back to the idea that I can do much more with my time and can improve myself with the time I would be spending on games. Please post your thoughts on this logic.

I also found myself questioning my decision to quit gaming. And with your exact same thoughts! Last time? Yesterday afternoon.

My trick is doing something that 1) feels like a distraction, 2) I like doing, and 3) has benefits in real life. So far it's been participating in this community, strength training, reading good books, studying on Duolingo, listening to great music. I can't yet say I completely reprogrammed my gaming cravings though.

Today I came across this article: Find Out What to Focus on Next with This Motivation Matrix. It looks like you will find it useful too.

Edited by Tom
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Posted

Alex, I feel you man, I've attempted to quit games like 5 or 6 times now and whenever I relapsed I definitely felt bad about it. The important thing is to NOT see relapse as a failure - it is NOT a failure. In fact, failure does not even exist. It is an emotion that humans have invented to label results. And that's all there are - the actions we take, and the results that come as a consequence of said actions. The best part is that you have a choice - you can view undesirable results as a failure, or you can ask yourself "What can I do differently next time to achieve a different result?"

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Edison

And to truly bring it into perspective, check this out: http://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Pajares/OnFailingG.html Some of the greatest minds in history have "failed" numerous times. What they had in common is that they didn't give up!

That to me is the most crucial part: you cannot give up. You've got to believe in yourself and believe that anything you set your mind to is possible.

As far as your family being disappointed in you, that is very unfortunate. I would explain to them that what you're trying to do is a process and sometimes you're going to take a few steps backwards. Try to explain to them that it is at those times that you start to relapse that you need their support the most. It is easy to do things when we're motivated and energized, but the true test of our mettle comes when doubt, fear, anxiety, etc. start to creep in and dominate our thoughts. That's when you need the support of your loved ones the most.

I can definitely tell you that I believe in you. You absolutely can do it. You have made amazing progress. Try to keep that in mind when you get down on yourself. :)

And if all else fails, you can sit there and listen to some uplifting music. I've found that helps me a LOT to get back on track. Some suggestions:

Bon Jovi - It's My Life
Brian McKnight - Win
Demi Lovato - Skyscraper
Eminem - Not Afraid (not recommended if you're sensitive to vulgar language)
Gloria Estafan - Reach
Jimmy Eat World - The Middle
Jordin Sparks - You Gotta Want It
Josh Groban - Don't Give Up
Josh Groban - You Raise Me Up
Katy Perry - Firework
Kelly Clarkson - Stronger (this is about a boy, but there's no reason you can't look at it as moving on from your past self that's holding you back!)
Mariah Carey - Hero
Marian Carey, Whitney Houston - When You Believe
Roberta Gold - You Gotta Want It (by far my favorite!)
Shaggy - Hope
Treat - Roar

Hope this helps, and good luck in your journey! :)

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Posted

Thank you very much Tom, I have edited the square on the site you mentioned to make it include my own pursuits, and I have made it my desktop background. Those three things are exactly what I need, except I'm having trouble with finding things I enjoy that are readily available for me to do/use. Cheers for the help!

Thank you to the moon and back jaylajkosz, that was definitely inspirational! I suppose it won't be a failure just as long as I persist and continue on the game quitting path. I am finding your list of motivational songs very helpful, I will make sure to use them if all else fails.

For now I will try and find things that I will find fun and hopefully find purpose that will motivate me to pursue my goals. 

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Posted (edited)

Thank you very much Tom, I have edited the square on the site you mentioned to make it include my own pursuits, and I have made it my desktop background. Those three things are exactly what I need, except I'm having trouble with finding things I enjoy that are readily available for me to do/use. Cheers for the help!

Thank you to the moon and back jaylajkosz, that was definitely inspirational! I suppose it won't be a failure just as long as I persist and continue on the game quitting path. I am finding your list of motivational songs very helpful, I will make sure to use them if all else fails.

For now I will try and find things that I will find fun and hopefully find purpose that will motivate me to pursue my goals. 

Dude don't just listen to that music when all else fails. Do it all the time when you can!

I can tell you from experience that pounding positivity into your head as often as you can works WONDERS! You won't see immediate changes but over time you'll find that you're much more motivated, energized, positive, etc., and can go on MUCH longer before the breaking point where you give up and have to start again.

I have that music that I listen to in my car whenever I am driving around. I have printed and taped inspirational quotes all around my room. I have replaced all my desktop wallpapers with stuff that has positive messages (I have attached these files to this post in case you want to check them out!). I also plan on starting a "vision board" where I have pictures describing my goals and dreams on them.

And yeah, the ONLY time you'll have failed is when you give up. As long as you do not give up, it's impossible to fail.

"It's hard to beat a person who never gives up." - Babe Ruth
"You're never a loser until you quit trying." - Mike Ditka
"Many of life's failures are experienced by people who didn't realize how close they were to success when they gave up." - Thomas Edison

So just keep on keeping on. Success is inevitable to those who never quit. :)

EDIT: One other VERY CRUCIAL thing to remember is that for many of us, we are attempting to undo YEARS of addiction, as well as all the other shit that came about due to said addiction. It cannot happen overnight. Falling down is inevitable, and a very healthy part of growth. The best lessons are often learned when we fall down I think. :)

Wallpaper.zip

Edited by jaylajkosz
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Posted

 

So just keep on keeping on. Success is inevitable to those who never quit. :)

EDIT: One other VERY CRUCIAL thing to remember is that for many of us, we are attempting to undo YEARS of addiction, as well as all the other shit that came about due to said addiction. It cannot happen overnight. Falling down is inevitable, and a very healthy part of growth. The best lessons are often learned when we fall down I think. :)

Wallpaper.zip

Thank you again jaylajkosz, I cannot thank you enough for your faithful support. I'll make sure to listen to those songs tomorrow to keep me positive!

You're so right about not giving up; I can't fail if I don't stop trying, my success will be inevitable.

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Posted

Attempt II - Day 1

I found it very hard to work today, I'm sick of studying and am very confused whether or not to game. I receive support to quit here, and support to game in moderation elsewhere and from my family.

My family opinion has changed to "don't deprive yourself of gaming if that is what you find fun, just as long as you can do it in moderation". This is tempting but I know that I won't be able to play in moderation for long, and not at all when the holidays start.

I think one of the main setbacks I face is that I am essentially slaving away at self improvement by quitting games and not doing enough activities which I find fun.

I am grateful for the ability to choose what to do with my time

I am grateful for the running shoes I got today

I am grateful for the delicious dinner I had today.

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