Death of a PC Gamer

[wizard]

For the record, I am by no means addicted to video games, I can easily put down the controller and concentrate on higher priority tasks at hand,Detoxification would not really do anything.  My real issue is dabbling in the PC building community for far too long and have paid a heavy price, unfortunately, I have realized this far too late.I had a very tough time putting this post together because there were simply too much information if written as a full story, hence a short story will do.

I was first introduced to the world of PC Gaming by friend during my second year of highschool, this friend of mine would then go on to become my mentor in the PC Hardware community. For a good period of time, I followed his wisdom and used the PC as a gaming platform for almost two decades now, I was expecting my hobby to last, until quite recently many warning flags started flashing.

First warning flag: Poor quality of games

My aging graphics card, the Nvidia 760 GTX, this card came out in 2013 and is due for an upgrade, however, I have decided not to purchase any upgrade now and in the near future. If you were to look at the game selection on Steam, practically a good portion of the selection are almost identical to each other, the key difference is just fancier graphics. Games like Farcry 4 or Assassins Creed all follow the same formula, being an Open world action formula, other games like Call of Duty and Halo are just clones of each other, pick up a gun and shoot. Repeat as many times as needed. For three years, I did not enjoy these newer games at all and I feel my graphics card was not used enough to justify the cost.

Second warning flag: No future goals

I am currently 28 right now, I have graduated from an IT program in College but I have no future prospects or developed social interactions with others. All my other family members are well on their way in leading successful lives, some of them are even married, moved out to their own apartment and are becoming parents. I ask myself, where will I be in the next five years? I take no pride in graduating, this diploma served as proof my past actions, a medal of dishonor if you will. There is also a saying in my culture, “Money lost or spent can be gained back, but any time lost or spent can never be regained.”  When I look at my diploma, I am reminded of the 11 years I wasted just by playing with computer parts alone, no matter how much I desire it, my childhood will never come back. You cannot possibly future proof you childhood years like you would for computer hardware.

Third warning : Lack of Personal development

I have no development in terms of personal interest, many people ask me, what is your favorite food, music, or country you would like to visit? I cannot answer any of them because I was too absorbed in just playing with parts. Initially I thought I was being pragmatic, I was wrong, while you can disregard your interests for brief period of time, your lack of interest in other areas will start to show as time goes by.

Fourth warning : Using "Future Proofing" as justification for purchase (When you clearly don't need it)

PC hardware guys should know what Future proofing is, I greatly dislike this term because it is misleading and more likely to get a person to overspend , rather than save money in the long term; which, ironically, was its original intended purpose.  A simple explanation; future proofing is the act of purchasing hardware that is more powerful than you need in effort to ensure that you have enough power to keep up with future demands. In practice, this concept makes a lot of sense, if you plan well enough, you could build your machine to have enough power to last 5-6 years without having to buy another computer. The problem is that most people do not know what they actually need and resort to buying overpowered equipment for two reasons. First, is ignorance, they don't want to do the research and want a quick solution. The second is a more serious issue that I think most PC enthusiast fall victim to, gamers buy overpriced hardware not because they need it,rather, it serves as a psychological reassurance, they use terms to like futureproof to rationalize their purchase. I have been guilty of this for too long now.

II got addicted to the PC building scene because it served as an escape from my parents, throughout my teenager years, I knew that my family was dysfunctional; I just didn't have enough evidence at the time to support it. When I reached my mid 20s, I had finally realized what kind of person my parents were, my mother was a person who very much needed to feel in control all the time. I come back from playing sports, she would complain that I was not studying enough, I brought home a model kit of car, she would complain that my hobby was too expensive. For every action , there was a complaint, I just gave up at that point, I just wanted the arguments to stop and that giving up my hobbies was a fair price to pay. My father was the type of person that just ignored me and was rather cold, like myself, he just wanted the argument to stop and never argued back with my mother. The computer was the only place where my parents would leave me alone, rather than creating friendships, I would sit at home all day after school exploring the Internet. Within those years, not only did I become borderline obese, I had missed out on a lot of what life has to offer; I never even went a date with a girl before. Realizing that something has to change, I consulted my friend and mentor for support. He was not amused and called me weak and that abandoning the PC platform would not do anything, Judging by his reaction, he was not too pleased, I did not know why. From that point on, he would constantly bombard me with links to computer parts being on sale and other hardware related news. Needless to say, this really irritated me, I already told him I am not interested in parts anymore, he retaliated by defending his actions; stating this his computer purchases were justified, "future proof". He somehow interpreted my actions as me insulting him; given how emotionally involved we were in this area together, I am not surprised.

To date, I still maintain contact with my mentor, but I avoid getting involved in anything related to PC building anymore,  everytime I pay a visit to him, the first and last thing that comes out of his mouth is computers. I am seriously debating whether or not I should continue my friendship with him, I am also considering whether or not I should go a see a Psychologist to correct the childhood scars my parents gave me. I do know that ,however, I am having no issue leaving the hardware business cold Turkey, with such emotional damage and the high cost of gaming components, I see no good reason to build computers anymore. I have now began to explore other possible hobbies despite my mother yelling at  me. Every Wednesday , I leave for Toronto and meet up with a group of foreigners/immigrants and help them with their English skills, I clearly lack communication skills and hopefully, I can learn some of the missing skills of life. Thank you for all reading this longer than usual post.

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Edited August 26, 2016 by wizard

[MmmWatermelon]

Hi and welcome; it takes a lot of bravery to take a sincere look at your life and decide there are aspects you'd like to change, but that's how it always needs to start. Best of luck in this journey and this is a place you'll find a lot of support, all of us here have found ourselves entangled in one or another thing that seemed to lead nowhere and decided it might be a good idea to turn a corner...

[WorkInProgress]

Hey and welcome to our community. You will discover a lot of new things and challenges. If you are willing to start on self development books I would advice you to read "The Slight Edge" first. The essential message of it is Kind of the essence of this Forum. If you don't want to this is fine too. feel free to roam and read the recommended(green stars) journals up here. If you have any questions feel free to ask, most of us are happy to share what we learned.

[Cam Adair]

Welcome!

[Matt]

Hey wizard, I wasn't aware of those things at all. Thank you for making such an interesting post.

You have to rebuild a lot probably, but all of the things you described can and will change for you if you want it and put in the effort.

I can very much relate to your family issues. I'm in a very similar situation. I used to fret about my mother always nagging at me, then I realized she can't help herself doing this, it's in her nature. I'm looking at it as a test of my ability to stand up for myself now and I try to treat them with the respect they deserve. After all they probably did they best they could to raise us and at least given us the material conditions to grow. Apparently Abraham Lincoln was continually told by his father that he won't become anything in his life. And despite loss after loss he struggled on and built his life.