"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

[NSFW] Marquess' journal (Cute emo girls inside!)

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Posted (edited)

Quick update ...

Spent a good part of Sunday researching my business idea. As usual, it turned out things aren't as straightforward. There are a few potential problems: monthly fees, taxation, technical difficulties, initial costs (objectively not large, but still a lot for me). Then there's the fact the entire thing can fail.

I could still just drop everything and go for it, but I can't really afford to fail at the point I'm at.

Apartment with no internet, no food, and no power. What am I going to do then. Suck dicks at the nearby truck stop? I could, in some abstract theory, go and ask my folks to help me out again, but I don't even want to think about what conditions I'd have to agree to.

Dishing out English smut for Amazon is the safest route right now. The profit is basically guaranteed (if you do things like niche selection, covers and blurbs right), and there's a lot of room for growth still.

Almost Home (Moby cover)

 

 

Edited by Marchosias
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Posted (edited)

This is my new blog: No Happy Song

I just finished editing the new post, and I imo the entire thing looks pretty good. The theme will need tweaking (or replacing); there are some minor technical issues; I also have no idea how I'll find pictures that'll fit my posts. We'll see. I intend to do a post per week.

Here's the beginning of my latest post:

I remember hearing about some guy named Roosh who hates women.

I also heard he doesn’t actually hate women, but that’s not the important part. The man seems to be very popular and many look up to him as a some kind of leader, yet I doubt any of his followers can pronounce his full name: Daryush Valizadeh.

You just don’t put yourself out there with a name like Valizadeh. I’m sure there’s a lot of people who’re familiar with it — most probably in the Middle Eastern region — but Americans have this charming habit of making funny faces and saying, “How the fu- … I have no idea how to pronounce that … uhm, name?” every time they see something foreign.

The benefit of living in a tiny country like Slovenia is that you’re more or less forced to learn other languages to do anything. You are also often exposed to cultures of other nations (most of which want to either ignore or conquer you).

But either way, Americans, there’s a lot of them, and they’re not going anywhere. They want to see something they can pronounce. So, simply shortening your name to what’s easy to say and remember is a logical move.

Having all that in mind, I’ve decided to name myself Marchosias.

That makes me a nearly 30 year old man with a nickname that sounds like a Diablo 2 boss fight.

To read more, go to http://nohappysong.com/the-great-marquise/ and find out if I actually spend the entire post talking about myself (I don't).

Edited by Marchosias
ENTIRE POST WITHOUT USING ONE SEMICOLON HOW PAINFUL AT LEAST IVE USED TWO HERE OK
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Posted

I'm familiar with the work of Roosh. His new talk The State of Man is fairly interesting. 

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I also have no idea how I'll find pictures that'll fit my posts.

Jamie McSloy has written a good guide on how to start taking pictures for your blog.  It's a four part series, click here for the first post.

You never know when you’re going to need a photo of a dog on a trampoline

I've started taking a picture each day. While they're never going to be displayed in an exhibition they're more than good enough for websites and this forum. (All the pictures I post on my thread are originals)

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Posted (edited)

I'm familiar with the work of Roosh. His new talk The State of Man is fairly interesting. 

The implied meaning I was going for was that I have no interest in trying to be "the great marquise" of anything. Unlike some who proclaim themselves to be "the father of red pill" after realizing banging girls in Eastern Europe won't lead to eternal happiness. My name may be pretentious, but I'm not. Or at least I'm trying not to be, hue.

That said, I'm very familiar with Roosh and his books. They are a very entertaining and educational read, and there's plenty of good information in his work. However, the more I get my life in order, the more flaws in see in those supposed manosphere "gurus" and the manosphere itself. I'm no follower of Roosh.

I much prefer to associate myself with you or Leo over at actualized.org for example. The only person that's technically a part of the manosphere I do follow is probably Davis Aurini since his content is so intellectual and (strives to be) objective.

I used to read Return of Kings, but I have a feeling the site has changed since late 2013. Or perhaps it's been me who changed. Nowadays when I look at the site, I'm greeted with articles like "Avoid Girls Who Drink Coffee". Let's not mention that bloggers associated with RoK and RoK itself sell stimulants like Kratom and stronger stuff as well -- all of which are potentially habit forming. But, hey, getting addicted is for beta males. Or something.

Edited by Marchosias
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Posted (edited)

I also have no idea how I'll find pictures that'll fit my posts.

Jamie McSloy has written a good guide on how to start taking pictures for your blog.  It's a four part series, click here for the first post.

You never know when you’re going to need a photo of a dog on a trampoline

I've started taking a picture each day. While they're never going to be displayed in an exhibition they're more than good enough for websites and this forum. (All the pictures I post on my thread are originals)

Thank you for the link. I'm reading it right now ...

My blog isn't really meant for people who don't want to read, but I understand the importance of breaking up longer articles with photos. And taking your own only makes you appear more authentic.

Wait, you're 52in52weeks? Great stuff man, been checking out your page for a good while now. I thought something was up when I saw your topic's title and post structure. Alas, my writing is still too often the same as my approach to cooking: throw things in a pan and hope nothing explodes. Gonna listen to your conversation with Cam now.

Edited by Marchosias
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Posted (edited)

I mostly agree with what you've said. My beef with normal people is largely an emotional issue, which has formed during my highschool years, and has been only further reinforced by working a dead-end office job. Clearly, holding on to negative feelings isn't the best way to approach your life, and it's true that even the most mundane person has all sorts of interesting properties. In fact, the "average person" doesn't really exist since humans are so complex that we all have at least a couple of unique thoughts and experiences. If we were to engineer a truly average person, that would make him exceptional in itself. And so on.

But it's not so much about individuals; it's the mob. The group. Obviously, even a bully has friends, family, and people he loves, but that doesn't mean shit then he's torturing you every day. The fact of the life is that there'll always be people who'll want to hurt you, and if you don't fight back with all you got, they'll run you over. We all know that one nice guy who's always ready to help out, and tends to get exploited by random faggots. (To some degree, we've all been those faggots before as well.)

When it comes to that, hate is just as important as love.

And it's not even all about bullying. It's also about, for example, having a break with your coworkers. All they do is gossip the entire time. That's their life: work, gossip, go home, eat shit food, read gossip websites (hi, Gawker), call mum, sleep. Repeat. Fuck that and fuck them.

[...]

Your post includes no personal attacks. Here, let's look at what a personal attack would sound like:

You lazy fuck. You think you're better than everyone else, but all you do is whine, complain, and cry because you're a faggot. I have studied faggotry for years since I find it impressive how people can be such utter faggots, and I'm also in regular contact with some of the world's leading experts in faggotry. I've forwarded your case to them, and they all agree you're retarded faggot specimen. My professional opinion is that you need a good ass kicking. Boo-hoo, now you'll just get caremad and cry even more. You should seriously consider suicide: google "Dignitas". Good luck! I'm really only writing this to help you, so please contact me if you have any questions. It's important that we put self-obsessed faggots like you out of their misery: for both their benefit and society's. Have a great day, and I hope to hear from you soon!

XD, nice personal attack example. Yeah I'm fairly conflict averse I guess, so when I do edge into that territory I'm always afraid I'm going to upset someone when I'm really pretty far away from doing that. So fair enough. "I have studied faggotry for years since I find it impressive how people can be such utter faggots" - this makes me laugh more than it should hahaha.

Interesting point about the "average person", I agree. The idea of someone being exceptional because they're truly average is an amusing paradox.

With regard to your comments on the mob, I can see what you're saying. It's hard to have compassion for someone bullying you, and maybe it's unwise to even try. I haven't been bullied extensively (although I have a bit) but I guess what works for me is to view the root cause of why they're a bully - it's because they're insecure and feel vulnerable or have low self-worth, and putting other people down makes them feel better about themselves. They're people who have can only feel big when they make others feel small. The bullying isn't about you, it's about them. Viewed from that perspective they're rather sad. Of course, you need to defend yourself and assert yourself rather than allow yourself to be walked all over.

Re: coworkers, I see what you're getting at. I think there are some things to explore here though. Like yeah, I see the lifestyle you describe in my coworkers too, and I don't envy it at all, and they seem stuck in it, and gossip is their entertainment even though it's somewhat destructive and immature. And yeah, I want better for myself than that. So I agree with the "Fuck that" portion, but I question the "Fuck them" portion. I guess my question is - while obviously you don't want that lifestyle, why does someone else living it bother you?

I forgot to add one major point: projection. If he accuses you of being a hypocrite, accuse him back twice as hard then keep repeating it over and over. Ugh.

Some drooling idiot tried to use all I've described here on me a couple of weeks ago. The best way to deal with those people is to first write one rational response (as concise as possible) in which you call them out and explain why they're wrong. After that, you can either ignore them or enter a rap battle -- it doesn't matter what arguments you use any more, for you just need to come up with creative and funny insults. This is the game they're playing, and chances are they'll lose. After all, guys who start such sort of attacks usually aren't creative powerhouses. Always save everything too. They love to edit their posts, and they love to quote and edit other people's posts to make it appear like they're being supported -- a classic line is, "Dude, everyone agrees with me. No one likes you. I've clearly wiped the floor with you with sheer power of logic, and I suggest you stop posting forever."

Then again, a person that as non-confrontational as you will probably never be targeted in the first place, ha.

I personally love conflict. It's exciting and it stimulates me to use everything I have to prove my point. While it's true that there are many boring and damaging types of confrontation, there are many things in this world that are absolutely worth fighting for. Again, a lot of people don't understand that and always assume I (or people like Mike Cernovich) am "mad", but it's far more about passion than being mad. I suppose many don't experience passion very often, so they honestly think a person is raging when he's arguing or even trolling about something controversial.

Besides, as you've seen in this thread, I do get mad as well. Hah.

You're right about bullying. No disagreement there.

Regarding coworkers ... I can see your point. But look.

The problem with having such coworkers is that they'll instantly sense you're different than them, and will then start conspire against you. Gossip. Questions that appear innocent on the surface, but are in fact poorly hidden insults. Causing you minor inconveniences at the workplace. I know the term "microaggressions" has a bad rep because many people are falsely claiming they're experiencing them, so they can get attention/money (muh patreonz), but it's really what it is. One single bunny can't cause you any harm; you can make it into a stew. But imagine being attacked by a million bunnies who are determined to end you. It all adds up. And it makes your life miserable.

Now, sure, if you have decent social skills, you can overcome that and make them either accept you as one of them -- or fear you. I've done both in past. I know how people work, but in the case of my previous job (at which I worked for almost 7 years) I was soon overcome with a number of other personal problems, and I just stopped bothering. I simply stopped talking to most of them, and you can imagine the result. For the last few years, I managed to arrange for myself to work from home, so it was fine. But I did write a sarcastic e-mail every once in a while.

The main problem with a normal person is: you both start from different positions, but you're the only one that recognizes that. You approach the normal guy half the way, yet he remains at his place: in his mind, he's convinced that he's absoultely right, and you're just being weird. So you can either walk all the way up to him to at least achieve some kind of a functional relationship ... or cut him off.

It's kinda like a very old (I think even DOS) game named Theme Park. It's an amusement park sim, and your workers will demand higher salaries every once in a while. When you negotiate, there are two hands displayed on the screen, and you need to inch your hand far enough to meet the hand representing your employees. Handshake.

In a case of a normal person, you either spam click your hand all the way to the other side, or show the middle finger.

Remember when we were kids and games were fun instead of a crippling addiction. Ah.

Edited by Marchosias

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Posted (edited)

@kortheo Thank you for what you've said regarding iWriter by the way. I've been looking at how my "lets not starve in a dark apartment" plans are progressing, and it really may take some time before anything takes off. I've been told that smut isn't fast and easy money, but I naively thought I may get lucky. Heh. It's work like anything else.

You don't just bang a couple of stories while fapping, for you need to select the right niche, be fast and efficient at writing, then edit the damn thing yourself, buy photo(s) for the cover, design the cover, write the Amazon blurb (text that represents your book and must grab the buyer's attention), choose what to include in "look inside", publish, and then repeat it all over again while reading other people's works to see what works.

I suck at most of those things right now.

To top it all off, shorts aren't even what sells best. They're commonly referred to as "paid internship": the real money lies in novellas and novels.

It's not brain surgery, but it's legit work, and the better you are, the more you get paid.

You're right: I definitely will take another stab -- or never mind that -- as series of stabs at iWriter. I'm positive it can be done, but it will require a more analytical approach. A dollar goes farther in Slovenia than it does in the US; I don't need to make a lot to get by.

I'm on a forth day of water and green tea fast btw. It's going far, far better than I've expected: I feel fine, and my mind is a lot clearer. I intend to continue that with a ketogenic style of eating which I'm very excited to write about soon™.

Edited by Marchosias
FFS WHY IS THERE A LIMITED SUPPLY OF GAMEQUITTERS SHIRT IS THIS REAL OR IS IT JUST A MARKETING THING ;_; I WANT TO BUY ONE WHEN I HAS TEH GELD
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Wait, you're 52in52weeks? Great stuff man, been checking out your page for a good while now. I thought something was up when I saw your topic's title and post structure. Alas, my writing is still too often the same as my approach to cooking: throw things in a pan and hope nothing explodes. Gonna listen to your conversation with Cam now.

Thanks, glad you like my writing.  Still no where near as good as I'd like it to be.  But it has improved over the years and will continue improving.

Your writing is pretty good.  If you'd never told us English is your second language, I never would have guessed.

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Posted (edited)

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Edited by Marchosias
IT WILL
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Posted (edited)

nothing will never ever feel as good as playing wow, eating pizza with hot sauce, and drinking beer. nothing. ever. its possible that ill get to 50% of that or maybe 65? but the problem with 65 is that you feel pretty good, and you know how to feel ever better. instantly. so really the best solution not to relapse is to feel as average as possible

a hipster on youtube in an 1 hour video in front of a large audience said hes a geek. he had problems operatig power point. whatever.he also said that monks are the happiest people of all. like no comparison to anyone else they focus on the now and meditate and dont get phased if crap happens. great.

i guarantee you id put these monks to shame instantly right now if you wired me the money to play wow until i die. no problem at all. and im sure of it. nothing comes close and nothing ever will.

i wont fuck up now. i have enough of self preservation in me not to. this is not how being a fuck up works. people dont understand that. let me illustrate

you know how people drink their entire lives yet somehow get by and dont really live as bums? well thats because they dont really drink ALL the time. they drink. and then they quit for a couple of months. do some work, get some stuff in order. maybe get a girlfriend. preferably one they can leech off but it doesnt really matter. then drink again and again. thats the ways its done. its not like the human body can handle getting hammaered all day every day for very long. people like this die. soon. they die young.

so being a fuckup is kinda like this. i already know for a fact. the moment i get the money and get some stuff going for me ill be back back back back back back back. i cant wait. its going to be great. other people will waste their time posting about their habits and how theyre grateful for whatever while ill be having the time of my life. idiots.

then theres this 90 day thing. try 90 days and see hwo you feel then. well look.

this may work for some, but lets be serious here. we all know what the deal is. the deal is to stop gaming forever. it is whats required to have any hope at all. if you dont stop gaming forever all your effort is for naught ................ so meh.

i mean alcoholics do the same thing. they say: one day at the time. yeah really do you think im retarded. you fool yourself its one day at the time while theres a huge fucking chasm of your entire life in front of you. and you cannot ignore it. and its a good thing i dont truly like alcohol. but i want to play wow. and i will never stop wanting to play it. never.

its all white knuckling every day. and its right there.

maybe i should go and live in a forest or something.

so

yeah i wont play for a couple of months or maybe even a year

yeah ill get some skills and experience and itll be fun and also hard but rewading at the end. i hope at least.

ill probably meet some cool people

but when im set up

when i have enough money just to live a minimal lifestyle for a year + some emergency cash

then its bye bye

and i knew this all along. im really just being honest.

the only reason im typing this is because i want to reinstall right now and i cant and so im here.

people look at old addicts with disdain but really they dont understand theyve probably all tried to quit many times and failed. it just isnt possible for some people. i dont know why. no one knows. if i knew id be rich. and i wouldnt be here. id be playing.

Edited by Marchosias
can you believe i bother editing this crap
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Posted (edited)

ok i guess make that two years not one year

because whats one year? nothing.

pls dont take this post super seriously im just venting. i do mean it though. every word. but its not like i need and sort of advice or that im in danger im not. you cant really give me any advice, ive read too much self help for it not to sound unimpressive. i honestly appreciate it and i love this forum but please dont. thank you for your time.

Edited by Marchosias
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Posted

p4Gll3p.jpg

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Posted

Interesting. How do you know that nothing will ever be better than WoW? How do you know that after 90 days or 6 months or a year that your brain won't have normalized and games won't hold the same appeal? Have you gone for those periods of time yet?

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Posted

I remember going on huge game binges and being thoroughly amused and stimulated.  But at the same time I wasn't happy.  I was depressed and anxious.  I learned that being entertained and being happy are very separate things.  I still seek out entertainment in various forms, but it's easier for me to get back to business when I need to because I know that going about that is what makes me happy and entertainment is my what I do to rest from that.

Also, I love that you just put your frustrations out there.  I can tend to hide mine if I'm not vigilant about staying honest.

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