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[NSFW] Marquess' journal (Cute emo girls inside!)

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People who's primary goal is attention/profit = people whose primary goal is attention/profit. It seems you can only edit each post a set number of times.

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Posted

Excited to see your journal up here. Can't wait to read all about your journey.

I'm also a high school dropout. :)

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Posted (edited)

Today is a difficult day. It almost borders on tragedy even though I don't want to look at it that way. But it's simply annoying.

I don't intend to delve too deep into what exactly I did inside WoW. It doesn't matter; ultimately, I played it to escape my real life problems. It wasn't important whether I was trolling the world, making friends I then thought were genuine ( Edited by Marchosias

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Posted

Excited to see your journal up here. Can't wait to read all about your journey.

I'm also a high school dropout. :)

?I'm glad we're both excited.

All the cool kids drop out of high school, anyway. It's a particularly unpleasant combination of a prison and a nuthouse.

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Posted

Good job getting out of the house! That's a big key for me, the less I'm in my house the less I naturally feel a lower motivation and inclined to just lay in bed. If you haven't seen this video on how to get out of a funk, it will help.

Your grammar is very good! Excited to see your writing continue to progress. :)

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Posted

Hey Marchosias!

I posted on your Introduction, not realizing that you had already made a journal :).

It sounds to me that you have been unhappy/unfulfilled for a very long time (not calling you old, just saying in comparison to the amount of years you have lived it sounds like you have been unfulfilled for a majority of them!). You mention what your ideal life would consist of, and it was a lot of gaming, drinking, and isolation. I know what you are feeling, and I am still going through that right now. It would be so much nicer to just sign back into Rift (a WoW F2P ripoff), rejoin my guild, get my characters to max level, start grinding out reputation, get the best gear, go join in on raiding, beat the end tier content, then get ready for the next release. All the while eating a shit ton of buffalo chicken pizza (my favorite), combined with cans after cans of Cherry Coke (I'm not much of an alcohol drinker, something about ending up in the hospital after having blacked out and then having to pay all the associated lawyer fees and court fees to get my record expunged while struggling through college turns me off to the idea of alcohol). That sounds like such an awesome life sometimes. I think deep down, though, I really know that it isn't my ideal life. I've lived that life, and I was miserable. I wasn't fulfilled, and I hated myself. Sure, in the middle of the raids and stuff I was having a blast, but when I laid down at night to get to sleep or woke up the next morning, I just felt empty inside.

I haven't yet figured out how not to feel empty yet. It is definitely something I am working toward though. I think my ideal life would actually have to do with helping people in some way, shape, or form. Figuring out how to give back to people, or to help them through their struggles maybe. I'm not entirely sure about the specifics, but in some manner I want to have an impact on other people's lives.

Obviously that isn't everyone's dream, but I think that deep down you know that your true ideal life isn't what you said it was. If you had to say you had one goal for your short time here on Earth, what would you say it would be? Becoming the best gamer you can? If so, then this community isn't the place for you my friend lol. Doing something that has significant impact on this world and the people and/or animals living here? Then this community might be for you. I have an inkling, with the mention of your knowledge of immigrants and policy and such, that you might be leaning toward the latter. The hard thing is figuring out how to specifically accomplish that goal while also ensuring that you are enjoying your life. You can't do something that makes you miserable and expect the end result to make you feel okay enough about it. Finding your passion, pursuing that, and then figuring out how to tie your passion into your ultimate goal would be the proper way to go about it.

I wish I had the answers for both of us though. Unfortunately, I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Hopefully through interactions with this community and guidance from others that have been in my position before, I might one day be able to get there. For now it's just about taking it one day at a time, and realizing that gaming isn't the key to my or your happiness. Each day we can put aside gaming and work on ourselves is another step closer to finally figuring out what will make us feel fulfilled in life. Each day we give into gaming sets us back a little though. Keep up that daily grind and working toward your goal, whatever that may be. I hope to hear more from you though, and keep us updated on your progress! Take care, friend!

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Posted (edited)

By the way, it sounds like you have a great sense of humor! Your posts have been cracking me up, so keep that coming as well :)

Edit: And where the hell are the gluten free recipes for my (non-existent) children I was promised?!

Edited by ChrisSatcher

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Posted

The purple girl is pretty cute. Wish her hair was a normal color tho

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Posted

Edit: And where the hell are the gluten free recipes for my (non-existent) children I was promised?!

On my moms blog! Wheat Free Mom

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Posted

On my moms blog! Wheat Free Mom

?Haha, wow, I thought that was a joke! This might actually be extremely useful because I know someone who is going gluten-free because of allergies :)

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Posted

Good job getting out of the house! That's a big key for me, the less I'm in my house the less I naturally feel a lower motivation and inclined to just lay in bed. If you haven't seen this video on how to get out of a funk, it will help.

Your grammar is very good! Excited to see your writing continue to progress. :)

?Thank you so much for the grammar compliment. It means more than it probably should.

Quality video. I make it a point to leave the apartment every day for a walk (30-40 minutes). I'm not so sure about that Tony Robbins thing though -- for one, I get annoyed when someone is trying to motivate me using happy music. And my inner hikikomori doesn't approve of joining a mass of strangers, especially not under such bright lightning.

@ChrisSatcher: Thank you for your post; I haven't really expected people will actually comment on this, so I can only say I'm glad.

The "ideal life" I describe in the original post is what I'd like on an emotional level. I don't actually want such a terrible life for myself -- we both know where it leads. Like Leo Gura says in his most recent video: the secret to amazing life is always doing what's emotionally uncomfortable. I normally try to shy away from motivational slogans, but this one is fine. It includes "uncomfortable". The nasty truth.

I like how detailed your description of a potential alcoholic scenario is. Anything to add?

Helping people is something you end up with in one way or another if you're leading a life worth its name. You should definitely keep looking into that. Personally, I know exactly what I want to do (and I know how I'll make the money to support it) ... the only problem is: it's not a very rewarding career. I'll make sure to expand on that later.

Regarding becoming a pro gamer -- thing is, I'm not that great at games. I may be good compared to the average player, but you can generally think of me as a 2.2K rated guy. I tried really hard to improve further, but my reflexes and situational awareness simply aren't that great. It really is an advantage now; I'd never be able to quit if I were a multiglad.

Calling me a "friend"? Ow, at least buy me a dinner first ... I kid, I kid!
You don't need to buy me dinner; I'm easy like that.

And about the gulten free thing: I was actually being half serious with that tag -- low carb hight fat diet helps my mental state immensely, and I plan on getting back to it soon. Yet another topic to cover (a massive one).

@Zane: Finding a proper picture of an emo girl takes me nearly as long as writing a post. First, most of them aren't all that good looking (I can see directly through hair, make up, and accessories by having dated a number of goth girls), and second, well, I prefer those who at least look like they're 18+. Don't want Chris Hansen at my door.

Not to mention that, and I don't know if you follow the manosphere at all, but they've been very vocal about how girls with tattoos, colored hair, and piercings are bad news. From personal experience, I can assure you that's more often true than not. Alas.

Again, thank you all for replying to this thread; I appreciate it so much. The majority of people think being addicted to video games is something "funny" at best, and a display of somehow being inherently terrible at worstOH, SHIT, A SUBJECT FOR YET ANOTHER THREAD -- THIS NEVER ENDS; DOES IT?

I'm so glad I've finally come here, I've had this site bookmarked for a year.

PS: GIVE PREVIEW BUTTON OR RITO

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I'm not going to lie: I spent the entire Saturday laying in bed, reading a few articles, and obsessing over a video of a Korean girl group. It was amazing; I don't feel guilty at all. I mean

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Posted

omg that girl is beautiful. where are you getting these

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Posted (edited)

lol how bout this :P Found a bunch of good ones when I uploaded your photo to google image search

ae0107c4cb8237b6bd08910ab095810e.jpg

Edited by Zane

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