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Healing Journal Day 46

Hey all, I know it s been a while since I last posted but I hope you're all well! I am in fact still on my detox. Sorry for not updating this in a while, I have just been extremely busy getting my life together. I would love to talk about the last two weeks, hell i would like to talk all about today. But I want to keep it short since I still have a ton of work

So i'm officially on top of everything in terms of my work and studying (doesn't make my days any less hectic) and I've made so many friends since last log.

Today I begin to study for my midterms which begin in two weeks! I have a ton of assignments due over the weekend and hope to get started on those asap.

Today was my dance club's first public dance, and I was suppose to take my girlfriend so we could dance. Unfortunatly I had to cancel on her because I had a HUGE assignment due at the end of today and was exausted by the time I was going to pick her up. I felt horrible about turning her down like that, but she understood which made it easier for me.

To conclude, these last few weeks have been nothing but work, and hopefully I can deal with that as it comes. I hope to start posting again as i have really missed you guys and just writing in here in general. Thanks for reading, and that concludes Day 46 of my healing journal.

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It's really good to hear from you again Moe, especially that you're doing so well. You may be tired, but it's the fatigue of a man that has labored towards worthy goals, and there are few feelings better in the world than that. I commend you brother.

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I'm glad your back, I'm even happier reading that detox is going good for you. Your personal problems surely will disappear soon, because I see that you are working on them and through small steps you will get to better life. Hang in there.

Greetings, Piotr.

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  • 8 months later...

Starting august of last year, I wanted to quit gaming because i was playing too much, my first year of university was approaching, I was determined and ready. Well to no suprise, university's kicking my ass, I get very stressed and depressed and I was able to stop gaming for 2-3 monthes. I was fairly happy being able to post on the forums and communicate with fellow human beings that also struggle with video game addiction. Eventually the stress was too much for me to handle and I cave. At this point I was getting low marks, I was having issues personally and with people, and i'm miserable and back where I had started.

 

Ironically, It wasn't until I broke up with my girlfriend of two years that my life started to turn around for the better. I started to change. I was tired of having someone in my life who couldn't understand the pain I was going through, and I knew she needed to find someone more suited for her. While this was the hardest thing i had ever did it made me less sensitive and emotional, something I always struggled with. I also began resenting my faith and practically ditched it entirely and as a result I felt like I had a bigger responsibility for my actions. I began to stop letting my emotions slow me down and began to take control of my life again. I became more mindful but also more laid back and I improved significantly and my grades finally improved. At this point my gaming was very limited because since i was (and thankfully still am) in engineering It was all studying and assignments. I even began volunteering for a hackerspace for science and hardware at my university so much that I am currently the VP Membership and always do stuff for them. My last final was at the end of april and since then, i've was running and working out again and started working. 

 

Things are different now, I am able to relax and be happy, something I havnt felt in a long time. Now here's when the issues start kicking in. I begin gaming again. A lot. I play maybe 5-10 hours a day and my sleep schedule is absolutely messed up. It doesn't help that I currently fast (No eating or drinking) over 19 hours every day and will be doing so for the next 3 weeks. There are so many things I want to do but have been wasting my time for a bit now. I have never acceped the amount I gamed but I cannot help myself! I am furious because there is so much i want to do. I want to excercise, continue volunteering at the hackerspace because I havnt been going, I want to read, I want to search outward for what was my spirituality and find myself, I want to just stop wasting my life. It wasn't until today I got a list of the things i cannot accept, and at the top of my list I wrote "I play too much video games".  

 

I want to thank you if you've gotten this far in the message, and I just can't get over no matter how many times I quit no matter how much progress I make, I go back to gaming. I'm not sure how to move forward. I'm  not even sure what i'm accomplishing writing this, but hearing your stories, I genuinely beleive you have the ability to create a solution for any problem in front of you and I need this place back in my life. 

Starting august of last year, I wanted to quit gaming because i was playing too much, my first year of university was approaching, I was determined and ready. Well to no suprise, university's kicking my ass, I get very stressed and depressed and I was able to quit for over 60 days. I was fairly happy being able to post on the forums and communicate with fellow human beings that also struggle with video game addiction. Eventually the stress was too much for me to handle and I cave. At this point I was getting low marks, I was having issues personally and with people, and i'm miserable and back where I had started.

 

Ironically, It wasn't until I broke up with my girlfriend of two years that my life started to turn around for the better. I started to change. I was tired of having someone in my life who couldn't understand the pain I was going through, and I knew she needed to find someone more suited for her. While this was the hardest thing i had ever did it made me less sensitive and emotional, something I always struggled with. I also began resenting my faith and practically ditched it entirely and as a result I felt like I had a bigger responsibility for my actions. I began to stop letting my emotions slow me down and began to take control of my life again. I became more mindful but also more laid back and I improved significantly and my grades finally improved. At this point my gaming was very limited because since i was (and thankfully still am) in engineering It was all studying and assignments. I even began volunteering for a hackerspace for science and hardware at my university so much that I am currently the VP Membership and always do stuff for them. My last final was at the end of april and since then, i've was running and working out again and started working. 

 

Things are different now, I am able to relax and be happy, something I havnt felt in a long time. Now here's when the issues start kicking in. I begin gaming again. A lot. I play maybe 5-10 hours a day and my sleep schedule is absolutely messed up. It doesn't help that I currently fast (No eating or drinking) over 19 hours every day and will be doing so for the next 3 weeks. There are so many things I want to do but have been wasting my time for a bit now. I have never acceped the amount I gamed but I cannot help myself! I am furious because there is so much i want to do. I want to excercise, continue volunteering at the hackerspace because I havnt been going, I want to read, I want to search outward for what was my spirituality and find myself, I want to just stop wasting my life. It wasn't until today I got a list of the things i cannot accept, and at the top of my list I wrote "I play too much video games".  

 

I want to thank you if you've gotten this far in the message, and I just can't get over no matter how many times I quit no matter how much progress I make, I go back to gaming. I'm not sure how to move forward. I'm  not even sure what i'm accomplishing writing this, but reading people's stories, I genuinely beleive have the ability to create a solution for any problem I face and hope to move forward

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