"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

The Journey Within

272 posts in this topic


@Simms You're absolutely right that I need to cling to these memories. They'll ground me when I lose sight or want to give up. I've visualized the day I get an acceptance letter or don the white coat and stethoscope many times for the same reason. I bet you do the same for the more treacherous mountains you aspire to climb. Part of the privilege of watching your journey, is seeing you go through the process of training to get there; though, I imagine the mountain top experience will be especially rewarding for you.

 211 Days w/o Gaming, 2 Days w/o YouTube, 2 Days Meditated

Meditation is becoming easier, though I don't know if my mind is becoming more focused as I sit there. I hear that it's something you're going to suck at doing for the first year. It's helped that I've been icing/heating my back to heal it, which adds an extra boost to see this time as well spent. I've found that the more benefits an action has, the easier it is to do it.

My time spent piddling around on the internet was minimal today as well. I realize how much I was using it as a coping mechanism before. Without the stress of school it's much easier to avoid. It's only when I'm extremely fatigued and at an emotional low point that it becomes a problem these days. This is the reason I was able to go over a month during Christmas break, until I got sick. I'm hoping in these next few months I can kick it for good.

Also, more and more I'm excited about the exponential growth that is going to come in the next few years as a result of the habits I'm trying to develop now. It was a tough decision, but I'm feeling confident about my choice to postpone finishing my degree in pursuit of building some foundational skills I've been lacking. It very much looks to be a balancing act of not going too far to one extreme or the other when it comes to building habits.

Lastly, as I do research on the skills I want to develop, I'm trying to keep an open mind. As I touched on yesterday, I once was extremely dogmatic and chose to surround myself with dogmatic people. The loss of those friends was difficult when I changed my views to less rigid ones, but I'm grateful for that decision. You will learn much more, experience much more, and grow much more when you stop judging ideas that are from a different paradigm from the one you're used to, and start to explore their merits for yourself.

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212 Days w/o Gaming, 0 Days w/o YouTube, 3 Days Meditated

That was a short streak. I got really stressed out today, because there wasn't a sense of mutual respect in one of my friendships. That same friend ended up texting me today and I decided to be bluntly honest in my reply and address the issues I'd been thinking about, rather than being diplomatic as I usually do. There was an argument initially, but we both ended up feeling better for it. This validates what I've been thinking: living authentically (not caring about how the outside world perceives you) may be difficult, but it is by far the most rewarding path.

Guess that goes to show that social stress can be just as much a trigger as school can. Stress is stress. And man, it sucks I didn't even make it a week. I'm still trying to recover from how agitated out school was making me before. I still feel so high-strung, even though I have a much lighter schedule now. I know that it'll all click much better when I build up habits that will resist stress in healthy ways, but that will take time. I need to remember that quitting youtube is my top priority right now, and that one small lapse in the morning leads to the whole dam breaking and flooding over the rest of that day and onward. The only way to win is to not play that game.

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