I need to thank my wife...

[Streuselsturm]

... for bringing me this far. She is an absolute awesome human beeing and there were enough times where she was patient and disappointed with me yet she still trusts me and supports me. We had one of these "talks" again about me not beeing focused, unable to structure my day, not able to set any goals in my life, beeing uninspired and with hardly any passion, she gave me a very soft and fair deadline. "If you dont change yourself from here in 5 years I cant really see a future with us two"

That struck a nerve. Which is wierd because normaly I am that kind of guy who waits until shit REALLY hits the fan (while procrastinating/playing video games etc) But this time thanks to r/no fap I typed these words into google "r/no games" and one of the first links was a video by you Cam. And damn it opened my eyes. Long story short last friday ( luckily not the 13th ^^) after browsing this topic and watching a lot of your videos + reading lots of material about this matter the vague idea formed in my mind that I would finaly have to face this inner behemoth of mine. My video game addiction.

 

Short bio:

Im german 29 years old, turning 30 octobre the 22th and working as a personal care assistant for elderly people. I dont work in a hospital or some residence instead I visit my customers at their home and I use a bicycle for that. Infact I dont even have a driver license.

My wife is from indonesia we married 2013.

I dont drink (never did)

I dont smoke(never did)

My hobbies until this friday were videogames mostly fps shooters. I hardly have any german friends, i DO have quite some indonesian friends thanks to my relationship and i absolutely love the culture and the people from there. One of my dreams would be to learn bahasa indonesia and be able to communicate with some of my friends in their native tounge with all the cool slang and dialect. I know this is a dream of mine because I smiled while writing it . 

I never smiled while playing games. Ive been told that I was looking quite uncomfortable and stressed. Which is wierd since I told myself all the time that I played to relieve stress...

I also DID indeed change some things about my life for the better last octobre. I started to eat more healthy and work out and got very motivated by a blogger who reminds me a lot of Cam ( he is german though). Long story short I managed to loose 10 kg build up some muscles and stop buying so much sweets. I felt the difference and i loved it yet I was still hanging infront of my pc most of the day - trying to cram every free minute for this hobby. I was constantly stressed constantly in a hurry to have enough time left for a "few rounds" The bad habbits and the inner demons while beeing chased away by a horde of white knights where infact not dead but just hiding in the woods waiting for their time to return. And indeed they did - to some extend. I still have to "force" myself to the gym. I still felt lazy and uninspired and passionless. I guess videogames triggered this.

Videogames are worse than sweets and fat in my eyes. They are less obvious and more addictive - at least for me. + they are socially way more accepted now.

 

Thus this decision of mine is actually a second very important step in my life which does not mean its any easier, but it just "feels" right the more I think about it. On the other hand this is yet day 3 and the hard times have  yet to start.

I think I should not drag this out any longer I have the tendency to loose my train of thought when I start writing

Tank you for beeing there for me! Thank you for reading this chaotic introduction of mine

Stay strong

 

Edited August 15, 2016 by Streuselsturm

[Cam Adair]

Welcome to the forum! Awesome to have you here with us

[Daniel]

Greetings!

Have you accepted the 90 day detox challenge?

I truly recommend you start a journal and write daily. Cheers.

[Streuselsturm]

Hello

 

Thanks for the kind words I am doing a journal and sending an update to a good friend every day who is monitoring me. Maybe il do something simular too here... Thinking about weekly recaps :D. So far it's working really we!!! Im amazed how much is possible with so much free time