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Shine Magical's journal

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Posted (edited)

This isn't my first time trying this out, but I will try to have write a journal this time since I have 'failed' a lot at quitting gaming.

Today is day 5 of no gaming, and I am currently aiming for a 90 day detox. It's also Saturday, and it's extremely hot and humid out so there isn't much I can do outside.

This morning, I woke up and read comics for an hour. Then I went to the park to read for an hour. It was 8am so everyone at the park had a dog and I thought how nice it would be to have a dog if I didn't have to clean it's poop with my hands. I wish my cat would like going to the park more but sadly he does not.

I've done a few things on my "chores to do this weekend" list that I am supposed to be doing in order to keep myself busy, but honestly, I am really bored. I've been rolling around complaining to my boyfriend about how I want to play video games. My mind has been shooting back and forth between league of legends, dragon age inquisition, and elder scrolls online. Thoughts like "what's the big deal, it's just video games" "don't you think you're trying to be too perfect?" "gaming is not so bad, it's not a real addiction" keep going through my head. I've also noticed that when I quit gaming I tend to try to force myself to do more chores, which may not be the key to success with this.

Things left to do: Laundry, yoga, cleaning, japan trip vacation planning, whole foods shopping, work on writing a short story

Ugh I don't want to do these things. I just want to play as a ice mage or an archer or a holy priest. Why can't I be that in real life?

I wish I had a garden but I live in NYC. I feel like if I had a garden I would not want to play video games as much. But I keep managing to keep bringing back my one plant from the verge of death so I guess that is ok.

Yesterday, I spent some time drawing which is an activity I like. But I don't do it very much anymore because I don't see the point in doing so. No one is really going to see it, and no one will pay money for what I have drawn. This ties back to the sense of accomplishment video games give you and it has me conflicted about drawing. I prefer drawing to writing, but I think I have more of a shot at making money with my writing, and publishing a book is a goal I can work towards and would feel successful at doing. So I am conflicted about that too.

Later today I am going to eat korean bbq and watch the new jason bourne movie after I go grocery shopping. It would be nice to play video games right now but I am going to try not playing them.

This is my current favorite song: https://my.mixtape.moe/albsma.webm

Edited by Shine Magical
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Posted

Hi Shine Magical,

Welcome to the forum and nice you joined us here! As far as I can tell it helps a lot to share your thoughts and feelings here and I'm sure you will have a great experience :) I'm going throught the Detox as well right now.

Also your song made me grin, haha thanks for that

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Posted

Welcome to the forum. I have no doubt that journaling will prove to be a valuable exercise for you and the success of your journey. 

Boredom at this stage can simply be a withdrawal symptom so try not to identify with it too much. It will get better, especially around the three week mark. One day at a time. :)

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Posted

I have woken up today with a very strong itch to play video games. It has been over an hour and it is all I can think about. I almost gave in but I decided see what happens. One contributing factor was that yesterday felt like a long day and I know if I played video games I would play them for at least 5 hours probably and it would feel like I had a much shorter weekend than necessary.

I have been browsing posts about quitting gaming throughout the entire hour.

List of things to do today: laundry, cleaning, japan planning, writing

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Posted

You're going to Japan??? I'm so jealous. xD

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Japan is one of the top places I want to go right now. Iceland is another. Jealous!

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I have woken up today with a very strong itch to play video games. It has been over an hour and it is all I can think about. I almost gave in but I decided see what happens. One contributing factor was that yesterday felt like a long day and I know if I played video games I would play them for at least 5 hours probably and it would feel like I had a much shorter weekend than necessary.

I have been browsing posts about quitting gaming throughout the entire hour.

List of things to do today: laundry, cleaning, japan planning, writing

Hey, the best "wow moment" in my game quitting was when I went to the website with flash games, and even opened one of the games, but it crashed until I was able to play. ;)

After that I said to myself "Fuck that, I'll lose my 18 days streak!" and I blocked every website with flash games and never ever came back again to gaming :)

Something similar happened in your mind, so this is important moment. Whenever you'll have doubts, just remind about this situation when you resisted playing, and you'll have stronger will against any sick cravings.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Posted

You're going to Japan??? I'm so jealous. xD

Yes, I'm excited! But planning the trip is not very fun. :P

 

Since today is a weekday, the video cravings will be easily managed/will be non-existent until Friday when I am done with work.

I went to a pool yesterday which is great, something I haven't done in 10 years.

 

To do today (leftovers from the weekend): japan planning - create a calendar and fill in daily activities I will be doing, writing

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I'm about to go swimming. Can't wait. Feels great! :D

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Posted (edited)

Today is day 9 no video games.

Things to do today after work: yoga, make dinner, write

 

It seems that my life while not playing video games is not better or worse than when I did play video games, its just different. It is a bit slower but also a bit spacier. I'm not sure that I like that aspect. I am able to accomplish a bit more and do some things I normally wouldn't do, such as swimming, because I become more bored and become more willing to do some more activities, but I noticed that I don't do that much more. For the most part I tend to zone out and am distracted/wrapped up in my thoughts now instead of playing video games. For example, yesterday I kind of spaced out listening to new types of music and then finding the songs l liked online available for download. Before I realized it, the night was over. I also tend to play with my cat a bit more. I also tend to go to sleep earlier. I am not sure if this is because I am less stimulated, but I have been going to sleep at 9pm/9:30pm instead of 10pm (I wake up at 6:40am).

One thing I miss about playing video games is that I can't shield people. I always liked playing support characters and saving people from being hurt with my skills. I am not sure how I can translate that into a real life activity.

Edited by Shine Magical
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Posted (edited)

It seems that my life while not playing video games is not better or worse than when I did play video games, its just different. It is a bit slower but also a bit spacier.

I've felt that a lot personally as well. Embrace it! Haha.

One thing I miss about playing video games is that I can't shield people. I always liked playing support characters and saving people from being hurt with my skills. I am not sure how I can translate that into a real life activity.

That's so interesting! I always liked being the one tearing shit apart, I could never understand the other side.xD

Have you ever thought about a medical profession?

 

Edited by JSmith

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Posted

It seems that my life while not playing video games is not better or worse than when I did play video games, its just different. It is a bit slower but also a bit spacier.

I've felt that a lot personally as well. Embrace it! Haha.

One thing I miss about playing video games is that I can't shield people. I always liked playing support characters and saving people from being hurt with my skills. I am not sure how I can translate that into a real life activity.

That's so interesting! I always liked being the one tearing shit apart, I could never understand the other side.xD

Have you ever thought about a medical profession?

 

I wouldn't be able to do that -- blood and guts and illnesses are not something the real life me can deal with.

I am in a finance field that helps people retire, but it is not the same as a 'healer'.

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Posted

Be patient with yourself. It takes some time to find the new rhythm of life without gaming. You'll get there. :)

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Posted (edited)

There are many opportunities in real life to help other people. The problem is that these things often times seem insignificant. I would advice you to try to connect more with friends/Family. Just be interested and wait for opportunities to help. Often times just to listen and showing interest can shield people from many bad emotions and help them a lot. Also there is always a possibility of helping strangers if the possibility arises. It is a good thing that you reflect on the reasons you miss playing games. It is important to identify your needs.And if you identified them you can fulfill them in real life. 

Gamequitting is not about refusing yourself things. It is about beeing aware and putting in the effort to find activities which doesn't lead to yourself feeling like shit, like I used to do if I realized that I put all my focus in an activity, with in the best case no positive and in the worst case very bad influence on my life.

For me games fulfilled mainly my needs for social contacts, the joy in finding the best strategy and to surpress bad feelings if things got hard. After I quit gaming I talk more wiht my wife/friends/Family, do programming and strategize about my lifeplan and try everyday to overcome obstacles(which works unsurpisingly better then surpressing the bad feelings). This change isn't easy but absolutely worth it even if it doesn't feel so significant at start your allready shifting your life (the book the slight edge helped me with these feelings of insignificance)!

Edited by WorkInProgress

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Posted (edited)

Day 10

Instead of talking about the negatives today, I will talk about the positives.

 

So far in these 10 days I have:

Written 1 page in my journal, working on a fiction story

Made some slight home improvements

Started waking up 10 minutes earlier so that I can come into work closer to the time I'm supposed to be there in the morning ;P

Went swimming

Did some slight Japan trip planning

Cooked more dinners than I normally would (and more than I would have liked to :P )

Exercised a little more than I normally would

Edited by Shine Magical

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