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Craig, 9 Jul 2016
Posted 14 Jul 2016
I actually caught myself with console in hand, fumbling around with cables and getting ready to plug it in and start downloading my game yesterday afternoon. Many aspects of my job are stressful enough to give you the sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I realize that gaming was also a wonderful escape from that stress. Even though it's still there later, while the game is on, I am unplugged from my life. That's the thing. Gaming isn't truly "relaxing" it gives your consciousness somewhere to go that is exciting enough to distract you from life for a while. I recall someone mentioned that gaming releases adrenaline into the bloodstream. Maybe Cam in a video? I wonder if it releases other chemicals as well. Endorphins?
It will be difficult today as I can feel my willpower slipping. I guess I'll lower the price that I'm selling the consoles for on Craigslist. I hate giving them away though.
Posted 15 Jul 2016
Good news and bad news. The bad new is that I played Black Ops 3 all morning and past lunch (I'm not too happy with myself.) The good news is that I reset, erased and unplugged my console again.
I feel more liberated this time than when I first decided to quit the first time. I want the consoles ..gone..
I'll check in tomorrow with updates on cravings. I really don't forsee another relapse though.
Posted 16 Jul 2016
Posted 15 Sep 2016
It's been a while. I guess what you guys would call what I've been doing is "relapsing." I decided that I could cut back. I said to myself that I'm an adult and I can play video games if I want to etc.
Whatever I thought I was going to do better didn't work. I've been playing non-stop. I need to get on the track with all of my new friends in here.
I used the excuse before that nobody would buy my xbox consoles from Craigslist. I'm just going to lower the prices dramatically, I bet I can sell them both tomorrow. I can't detox if they are sitting in my office begging to be plugged back in.
Here I go again. Reset, unplug and try to sell.
Wish me luck!
Posted 16 Sep 2016
Posted 23 Sep 2016
Posted 26 Sep 2016
Ok Bitches! I sold both of my consoles and re-started my 90 day detox. I feel good about it. Trying to keep busy and not think of fragging noobs.
The moment of clarity was when I was thinking that online multiplayer shooters were the problem. I was like "I'll just play a 1st person game once in a while for fun....no problem" So I bought the Bioshock trilogy for $60 (which I've played before) for my leisure gaming. Two work days later I found myself at the end credits of Bioshock 1 and no work was complete. So I obviously have a problem with stopping gaming once I start. I go into a meditative state and play. No good.
I dramatically dropped the prices I was selling my consoles for and they went like hotcakes. Now it's just me and the backlogged pile of work to deal with. I'm looking forward to catching up on work so I can do a few non-game tasks.
Good job Craig! I know you can do this.
Posted 30 Sep 2016
I've been able to keep busy enough to not think about gaming (for the most part.) I did veg out watching some mobile DVR'd TV and today I watched 20 minutes of Black ops 3 videos.
Overall I'm satisfied with myself. I feel less guilty when going home from work which has translated to better communication with my wife from not being defensive. I also lost 4.5 lbs. not eating pizza and wings while I'm playing. So, all good here. So far.
I'll check in again next week.
Great work Craig!
Posted 21 March
Long time since my last entry. I started over yesterday with the help of Respawn. I'm not sure how I feel yet. I do feel a relief (deep down) under the nerves and fear. I'm also excited to start this new chapter of my life.
All of the things that were ignored and procrastinated while I was gaming are now all surfacing and "angry." I know I can work through and will eventually be caught up. Being "caught up" alone is a time that I look forward to greatly.
Ok. Back to work. Going to read some more Respawn during lunch.
I find that each attempt gets easier. Its like your next ascension get some perks and skills that gets carried over
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