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Gabriel's Journal


gabrielmaran

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Starting this journal with some Arcade Fire playing in the background, really hopeful for this step as I'm going to experience life as it is now, no more running away, to be sincere I was downloading a game but then realized what a stupid thing I was doing and canceled the download, this really made me happy because it was almost instinctive, I am replacing my love for games for books and I'm really managing to do this! I have read 4 of them in a span of  3 months! I won' t be adding daily pages because my life is really boring right now (studying over and over), but I'm making entries as I see fit.This journal will increase my fluency with English too, I hope!.

DWG (Days without gaming):  6 days

 

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This journal will increase my fluency with English too, I hope!.

I ahve the same hope. I think so far my english is not better then before. But i feel less ashamed to write and speak in english. I count this as an improvement^_^

Yes!! me too! this is one of the many improvements that i hope to make :D

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Hello world! on my days without video games I'm feeling a lot of self-control, went out  with my friends and  wasn't anxious about going home and playing, which was very nice because I was very sociable with everyone and made like 4 friends in one night!, I talked to my father a lot too as I wasn't gaming and had free time, my GF is noticing that I'm giving her more attention and is happy about it, BUT I'm still wanting to play because I had so much fun with the stories and friends I had, with all the laughs and discoveries, that for sure brightened my sad days, but seeing the results that quitting is giving me put me in so much doubt and sadness because I feel like a junkie or someone depriving himself of having fun because of no self-control :(, I'm really confused right now but I'm going on for now.

DWG: 8 days

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Hi! I'm incredibly impressed by the fact of seeing the results after like 9 days without gaming!, I don't make things in a hurry because I have to play, my memory and attention boosted 100% as I wasn't distracted thinking of  game strategies.Having some improvements in studies  and reading speed (almost finishing 1984!).

I'm not posting anything too personal here because I can't trust people a lot, I'm using my real name, I'm shameful for my addiction and don't want to be recognized..., I'm not too good making huge texts as I don't have much to say now, but more updates are for sure coming :)

DWG: 9 days

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Hello again! my performance in studies raised from 40~60% to 60~84% since last year :)  this shows how anxiety can degrade studies, mainly addiction. Went to the cinema yesterday and watched The Revenant, pretty sure Leo is having it's well-deserved oscar finally, lol. Tested my urges and went to Steam website (I uninstalled everything on my first day) and couldn't find anything interesting or cool as I always did which is good.My perception is increasing and  I'm getting good at noticing small details(IRL, obviously).

DWG: 11 days

(sorry if my writing sucks, I'm working on it)

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Urges are coming in strong now, this is really common when I finish studying, reading and I'm a little bit tired and  looking for something to do.My GF who is my only supporter IRL is the one really keeping me away from games, she encourages me a lot.I'm really happy to be with her and I love her a LOT :)))), if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be finishing my 5th book in 3 months, wouldn't be here and wouldn't be studying to follow my dreams and getting to USP (the #1 college on the national ranking).

The real problem, really, are my urges, they appear out of nothing, sometimes I'm studying History and read the word ''raid'' and BAM, RUST, then all the time I spent there is remembered, for example.Or when I just hear any word that relates to a game the urges come in hard and It's really difficult to control.

I need to find something to do when I'm tired or have some spare time like this. 

Edited by gabrielmaran
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Hi! I'm incredibly impressed by the fact of seeing the results after like 9 days without gaming!, I don't make things in a hurry because I have to play, my memory and attention boosted 100% as I wasn't distracted thinking of  game strategies.Having some improvements in studies  and reading speed (almost finishing 1984!).

I'm not posting anything too personal here because I can't trust people a lot, I'm using my real name, I'm shameful for my addiction and don't want to be recognized..., I'm not too good making huge texts as I don't have much to say now, but more updates are for sure coming :)

DWG: 9 days

You will find your courage some day. Being honest feels awsome.

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Hello there! 17 days now without games and I just don't them fun anymore, not even interesting.I have been studying a lot and I'm pretty busy. Just making sure to keep the diary alive and show that I'm compromised to make a better and happier life for me :)) 

DWG: 17 days

Edited by gabrielmaran
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I know I will be posting here like a fool and no one will give a crap as always, but I really need to take it off my chest.It doesn't matter how you try to make a relationship durable and serene, the more cautious you will be, being more cautious makes it like a game of chess, one word can destroy it all.One.Word.

The real problem is with people's ego and the ability to recognize it's own errors. Pride makes everything so difficult and painful that even when someone apologizes it don't, with that one word or action, you make an irreversible damage and it will never be the same again, she/he will never treat you or love you as the same before and it hurts so much to know that. It hurts to know that I've done that.

The worst feeling is to know that you degraded and helped that damage to irradiate areas that shouldn't be affected. This time, it was your fault, you were the one, you helped it take a step to the end, it doesn't matter if it was a long or a short step, but it was one and It's never going back. But the worst feeling is knowing that even when both sides are wrong, only one apologizes. 

Not in the mood right now to translate everything I'm feeling and thinking to English as it is really hard on some words, but I'm a little bit better.

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