"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

Daily Journal - Rick

94 posts in this topic

Posted

Big update.

I'm back to journaling once a week to maintain what i have going now. I cleared up a lot of chaos lately. I organised my week, my every day. I have written down all my ideas, projects and courses i want to take in 1 easy list.

The thing that brought me back here is this: throughout this winter i had several resets, relapses, depressions and difficulty with managing my time. Basically: how i want to live my life, and have my focus and time at the right area's. There is still something left in me that makes me hunger for a game. 

So i decided that although i don't mind struggling, what i experienced this winter is just not what i want and how i want it the rest of my life. An idea was send to me from somewhere and it became clear to me i need to have some time off of my laptop. I remembered how well i did after a detox years ago. i hadnt gamed for 8 weeks and i was just so clear in my mind when i came home. Of course i hadn't changed my environment back then so i got off track. But now i have done so much more and i really evolved if i compare then to now. I sat down my basically my 1 only very good friend and i asked him only 1 thing: can i store my laptop with you for 4 weeks? he of course said yes, he was quite surprised and happy that i asked him for help.

We came up with a plan, that i would have my laptop for 1 day. For all the important stuff that i can pile up through the week. I am so thrilled because this is entirely my decision and i believe so strongly that it's going to work out well. Mostly because i have such big ambitions for myself, and now i can really focus on them. Spend all my time and energy on it while still having balance with relaxing etc. 

I have planned out the 4 weeks how i probably will be going to feel, and that will strengthen me, because i am in control.

What will be different after 4 weeks? I will have completed respawn one more time. And now really serious. The first time i did it i did not took everything seriously. Maybe 50%. Also i will have spend time at for example writing. I will be exercising. I will have planned how often i'm going to take initiative to meet family, friends. My sleep will rock. I cook every 2 days 1 meal for 2 days (already do, will only be better). 

And the more serious mentally effects i expect (because i once had them before after another detox) is that i can speak my mind. Not holding back, be sensitive. Communicate in an awesome manner.

So yeah.. that's my agenda ;)

Every monday you'll see my journal update.

 

Greetz,

Rick

PS: Rock on

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Posted

Welcome back. It's cool to see people who've been down the road already take time reflect and decide to return.

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Posted

A week has gone by. The results are extreme. In that they are not. I don't feel very different but the outcome of my actions is drastically improved.

  • I used to sink away in passive behavior when i felt tired, and i end up gaming or watching youtube. Now i work on my puzzle, i'll walk or i read.
  • I wasnt happy at the end of the day because i always felt and sometimes still do that i could have done more. I'm slowly leaving that mindset behind.
  • I can actually follow up my ideas and word/promises. It's great to know that people trust you and i can improve this even more by becoming a beast with time. I really do this for myself because it takes so much mind space otherwise, always running after each appointment and assignment. 

These last 2 days i also felt empty. I realized i havent going on much that i really care about. I want to meet more people because friday and saturday evenings are just plain lonely. On that i'm taking action.

Upcoming week i'll probably will feel worse. But that's okay. 

 

Rick

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Posted

Another week. Yet again no peaks in mood or behaviour. I'm feeling at my best. I'm actually a little bit confused that i don't have any frustration or irritation. I'm not angry, or sad. In every other detox (yet none like this one, abstaining completely from my laptop) i had those phases of sadness, then anger, then frustration, then resignation or i relapsed. I might do something right this time. 

Some lessons i learned along the way i have been here on the forum and following Cam's yt videos is to live and plan with intention. And while i reflect i can say that is truly what i do now. 

Something i also recognize is that i have each day a moment of insight about something. It's really fun and interesting, i had a whole conversation about it with my mental coach. 

Let's wrap up;

  1. i started with respawn (again like i said). I'm now halfway. I realized i have almost no social activities and i need 1 or 2 good ones for when i'm bored and then i'm all set to replace the empty hours my passivity left behind.
  2. each day i'm thinking about follow-ups to ideas and things i really wanna do. It takes time for most of those but eventually i'll get there.

That's it. See ya next week.

Rick

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