Day 38 of the rest of my life Thank you Mr Mad Scientist sir. I just haven't found using this journal to be very beneficial for me right now. I was very vulnerable and had a desire to pull back a bit. I am part of the Beyond program so I am in good hands and am having a better time than ever.
I'm going through exactly the same stage right now. I think we need this month or maybe more to just wind down our brain from extremely high stimula which comes with gaming. I would compare it to 'physical' dependency which just can not be skipped, like in drugs abstinence. Hey fil, I haven't done anything with it at this point. Haven't been thinking about it really.
Day 18 of the rest of my life I'm feeling pretty depressed overall. I've stopped exercising and just don't really want to do anything. I've continued reading The Slight Edge and that's been giving me some solace. I'm not tempted to game, I'm just sitting with this feeling and it's like a looming cloud that makes it hard to see the sun. I'm finding it really hard to believe in myself. I know that I'm capable of doing great things, I know I'm intelligent. But I just don't believe in myself. Maybe this is just a period of rewiring that I'm going through. Lack of constant stimulation from gaming is possibly starting to kick in and it'll go away on it's own. But what if this is just me without the games. I hope it isn't.
Missed a couple nights of journaling. Here's the catch up Day 11 of the rest of my life Today was a pretty relaxing day. Spent most of it watching House, spent a bit of time watching the Inauguration with my flatmates. I spent some time applying my Python knowledge with some problems that the Discord chat provided. It made me feel pretty good knowing that I'm able to work through those problems if I put in the time. I even got out some paper to understand the problem better. The tools are coming out. I haven't been sleeping very well recently. Mostly waking up during the night and flatmates who get up before me.
Day 12 of the rest of my life Another pretty chill day. More time watching House. Was feeling pretty meh throughout the day. Was exploring a little bit with a friend but nothing really noteworthy right now. I'm spending too much time on Netflix and have noticed that thoughts started flooding in when I stopped and went to work. Today I'm gonna spend most of the day off the PC and read or give myself some time to breath and explore a little bit.
Day 10 of the rest of my life So, pretty exciting day today. Had a Skype Call with Cam about the Beyond program and I will be on board for this fantastic adventure. Along with this I had my first therapy session of the year and was proud to hear my therapist say that I look happy and full of productive energy. This change in energy wouldn't have been possible without the help of this community. I know I'm only 10 days in, but that's 10 days of more self awareness and belief and support that I wouldn't have otherwise. So, thank you to those that have helped me so far. It means a lot for me to finally start making actionable progress towards my potential. I also got myself an application form for the library so I can absorb information without it costing me. Currently reading through 6 books, but I plan to be reading more in the future. I shall be the fountain of knowledge and wisdom! I decided to celebrate my progress with some pizza (Chicken, Camembert, Cranberry, Bacon and Pepperoni), Sea Salted Caramel Gelato and the movie I watched was Zootopia. Not the greatest movie, but it was enjoyable. I'll be looking forward to exercising tomorrow to burn off the extra calories.
Day 9 of the rest of my life Hey hey what's good folks? I am feeling proud of myself today. Went for a run despite a little hiatus of not-so-goodness. Was a slower and shorter run, but I've forgiven myself for working 7 days. Run was 3.76km with 4:30min/km. Was pretty windy as well so not going to feel bad about it. I'm glad a went from a no run day to a run day, even if it wasn't a PB. Was still faster and longer than my first run anyways. The good thing about the run was that it made me feel good, so I engaged in other things that were good for me like showering, shaving and eating better as well. With this knowledge in mind I will put more importance into running. Even if it isn't the best circumstances for it, it'll set me up for better ones. Been reading The Slight Edge, but am just before the meat starts getting juicy. I've been preoccupying myself with the TV show, House. Been itching to finish the season since it is a good one. I rationalized that if I finish the season, I'll have less reason to jump on Netflix. If that theory proves wrong, I'll find an activity to replace it. My sleep hasn't been getting much better. Managed to get 7 hours last night, but I feel like I operate better on more. So I'm going to push for 8 hours and see how that feels. My average is about 6.5, but always feel like it's a chore getting out of bed. Hell, maybe I'm just a pussy and just need to get up.
That mentality has been a long served problem for me. I'm always looking ahead at what I have to do and spend little time acknowledging my achievements. My rear view mirror is gonna get a dusting today.
Day 8 of the rest of my life I brushed my teeth and had showers! Happier day today. Pretty chill overall, not very productive. Jammed some House on Netflix, read some Slight Edge and got called in to work early. I haven't been sleeping too well past few nights which hasn't helped with doing stuff. The act of getting to sleep isn't an issue, just the amount of sleep. I do shift work at McDonalds and I don't get much of a consistent sleep schedule. Just need to work harder at getting to bed at more reasonable times I think. I applied for the Beyond program and I'm really hoping to be selected for that. I think it'll be really helpful for me and I think I'll be able to contribute a lot of knowledge and be a solid supporter of others. One thing I do have difficulty with is maintaining a social life. Outside of work and a couple close friends I don't have anyone. I'm slowly working on relationships with family members because I distanced myself from pretty much all of them except my cousin and a small handful of others.
I must've to click submit or something because I wrote this already Day 6 of the rest of my life Today was an okay day. I decided to take the day off from exercising since I had been doing well for the week. I spent most of the day, after work, chatting with community peeps on Dischord and watching some episodes of Westworld and later Hateful 8 with the flatmates. I've made a new friend in one of the members as well. It feels good to have another ear to listen, another brain to bounce ideas off and another funny bone to tickle. Day 7 of the rest of my life I was pretty disappointed with today. I decided to spend time watching some of the Summit interviews and took notes, chatted with the GQ peeps in Dischord and got some good info. What I was disappointed about was I didn't follow my habits like brushing my teeth, time for exercise, meditation etc. I also didn't have a cold shower. I feel like I failed today. Some people at work noticed and said I looked tired. I felt pretty meh overall. Kinda tired, not feeling a lot, but there was a faint whiff of sadness. I had a coffee to pick me up again, later had a coke to give me a little perkiness and currently I'm sucking away on a little dark chocolate. I'm glad I didn't play any games today, and I've gone a week, but I'm not proud of it. Abstaining from games is easy and I understand this community isn't about just stopping gaming, but changing bad habits to good, fulfilling, productive ones. Why is it that the good that I do feels so overturned by the bad? I'm not proud of my day today, but I know what a proud day is like and it can be replicated. I had some involvement in a military program a few years ago and one of many sayings stuck. "If you're not exhausted when you hit the bed, you haven't earned that sleep." I look at it like "If you aren't proud of your day, you didn't do enough." This puts me in the mindset of: Understand why you weren't proud today, learn from it and make tomorrow a day to be proud of. Now, this is the time where someone recommends The Slight Edge. It's too late. I've already bought it and will read it after some sleep.
I tried giving it a go today, but I felt like I couldn't wake up while I was working (Job is on my feet so I should've been awake after an hour or so). Head felt kinda foggy, eyes sleepy and had a slight headache going on. Gave myself a coffee and it all went away.
Sounds like your journey is taking a toll on you. Do you feel anything new going on? Feel like expressing anything? I gotta say. If I'm feeling something intense and have trouble processing it, I tend to go for big walks. You're welcome friend
Wow. That's a long time. I know after I've consumed coffee I feel the stimulation kicking in. I'm guessing that's when most of it is absorbed. Later would just be a reduced effect. I think like I'm more sensitive to caffeine than most people. What would you think about cutting coffee for a couple weeks?
Day 5 of the rest of my life Woo! A new page! Today was another of not being too productive. I got about 4-5 hours sleep because my brain was so busy and breathing exercises didn't help either. I think that was mostly due to the coke I had before bed though. Got quite a bit of reading done today which felt good. The Power of Habit continues to be a great read. I also picked up a sales book from the local Salvation Army store (second hand store) for $1. They got me! My run went well as well. 5km in 22:50mins. Average of 4:37min/km. Extra km and slightly faster. I'll be at 15km in no time! I'm considering new runners since I'm getting more into this than I expected and don't want to risk joint inflammation because my shoes are old. So productivity was a bit low due to sleep. This can be addressed by being more aware of bedtimes and what I should consume beforehand. I haven't done much learning for my app, but started the Learning to Learn course. I want to complete that to make learning more effective. I've been a bit quiet about the social aspect. I do have a couple good friends at work that I talk with, but recently I've felt pretty excluded from them. After my talk with my cousin I have been feeling pretty angry every since when I'm around him. It's dwindling a bit so I'm expecting to start reaching a bit more. But other than that, I haven't got much going for my social life. I currently feel satisfied, but I don't like feeling like I don't belong in my flat. My thoughts are that'll pass as I grow, but it's noteworthy.