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Jaydarian

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  1. @dandielionous thanks for sharing. I recall playing Flappy Bird - I don't recall me or my friends being particularly addicted Anyhow, after reading the article I see how nearly every "hit" game is filled with aggressive tactics for the user to form habits (especially phone games) @Cam Adair Thank you and hello! Today I went to sleep at 9AM and woke up at 3pm. I talked to two friends on the phone for 30 minutes each. I am living by my value of connection by reaching out to people often and talking about anything. I've noticed that I have had a difficult time keeping friendships. I never thought about playing games until now, 2:16AM. I took a nap around 11pm - and now I'm unsure what to do. I fulfilled a few desires today: to read a book, to watch a lecture, to play guitar. I now feel at an impasse - do I deserve to play a game? Have I earned it because I completed my good habits? I'm going to put it off for now - I will watch some more youtube lectures. Actually, I will look into male psychology about being open (something like this forum). It seems to be a sign of weakness to be emotionally vulnerable - my experience.
  2. I wonder to myself, why do I want to play? I can feel the pull of being immersed in the story of a gaming world. So it seems the need of temporary escape is satiated by video games. What did I need to escape from? Younger days:Distant, authoritarian parentsBeing an only childFeeling bored at homeIn Uni:stressing out because of homework, testsextremely unsure what I was studying was what I loved to doCurrently:Uncertainty about my futureI definitely understand how I used video games for social connection. Most friendships were made through games (video, card, board). I felt that a person was cool depending on their knowledge of game history. I also used to read game magazines. Most notably though - I developed a social connection in college with friends through LoL, HoN, and DOTA2. I was usually on the forums when I was in class or on the road. I felt like my sense of humor was in full expression on the forums. I had friends on skype, IRC, and in game. I enjoyed the social aspect of teaming up with players - like it was basketball. I was also addicted to streams. I enjoyed the gamer's entertainment on a stream, and enjoyed the chat community. I feel like the most funniest moments of my life were in the chat when remarkable moments happened. I enjoyed watching competitive play and interacting with teams and/or spectators. I enjoyed reading Reddit posts - guides, AMAs, rants, dev updates. As for Constant Measurable Growth, it seems to me I felt like I had purpose other than what my parents wanted for me. I did not approach them much about my life other than basic needs (food, water, driving to school, etc.). I can see how having clear goals in video games made me feel like I was achieving something. I felt better by "winning" because I clearly achieved goals faster than my opponent(s). I was never into collecting or completing games 100%. The need for Challenge was definitely met. I feel like I was so stimulated on all parts of my brain by building a team (in strategy games) and executing tactics. I also felt the challenge to improve a skill - and I could find online resources (through gaming communities) to get better. Some games contained many characters and I loved exploring what they were and how they fit into a team or how I could use the character - this is a challenge. Today, I still feel like games challenge some parts of my brain unlike anything else. Taking chess, for example, makes me think in a way no other hobby or profession has - especially in thinking steps ahead.
  3. Hey Pierce, I support you! What gaming-alternative activities most inspire you?
  4. It is nice to see you are writing a story. I'm finding that the stories we tell ourselves can be radically transformed - to show us in a more positive or negative light. Keep it up
  5. I'm 24 years old. My history with gaming started at a very young age. I recall instances of playing in front of a bright blue screen at night usually. I also recall playing a Gameboy and the need to carry it everywhere. My days in childhood were usually filled with reading books or playing games on the computer or on console (SNES, Playstation, Gamecube) when I was home. I recall stranger behavior with games: Staying up all night in front of a PC after being instructed to not do soGolden Sun was a game I was going to receive for Christmas. However, in the middle of the night, I opened the package, took the cartridge out, and resealed the present.My parents removed Donkey Kong 64 from the console. I sneaked into their room in the middle of the night and was caught trying to get it.My computer was in a locked room - with the key belonging to my parents. I would devise ways to sneak into the room including through the window.My consoles were locked in another room in the same house. I would remove the door off the hinges to play when parents were not present.The game that I absolutely recall "hooking me in" was League of Legends from 2008-2012. This also included Heroes of Newerth and DOTA2. This time period includes my end of high school and my total college career. I recall purchasing a laptop for laptop, specifically for its gaming specs (which were poor - I bought a Macbook). I would play LoL in the library instead of studying. I was in a fraternity and many of my brothers played videogames. Over my college career, my grades would deteriorate immensely - so I would fail or drop classes. My life took a large turn when I joined a networking scheme - which led me to leave school. During this time, I stopped playing video games to pursue "financial success." After that failure, I went to a different school. From 2013 onwards my video addiction was immensely curbed through other hobbies - Crossfit and playing in a band. I still played occasionally. in 2015, I dropped out of school and decided I would focus on music and an IT career. In 2016, I found a job in another city. I moved and eventually came to live on my own (an apratment) this past summer. One of the first things I did was download old videogames and play them. When I was performing the act of downloading and playing the games - the question of "Why" truly arose - but I did not know how to answer it. I only spent 2 hours or less playing, but I was unsettled by the fact that I felt compelled to play games. Eventually, I found a new game to play - Hearthstone, then leaving that for Duelyst. I played it often after my regular job (M-F, 10-6) for a few hours. This was my hobby (along with guitar) until I went to a music festival in September. My model of the world was completely shattered. I stopped playing Duelyst entirely and focused on quitting my job and traveling. Today, I am unemployed and choose to stay unemployed for a few more months. I am currently living with a roommate and I am watching videos, reading books, and socializing often in my community. I want to improve my self to find what I truly want to do in life. In the meantime, however, I am unsure what to do about video games. I can feel the urge arrive often but I simply do not know why I want to play. And I do not know what the benefits are to playing video games. Questions on my mind include: Should I never play a game again? Should I play a game, but only 5 hours a week? Am I using the game as an escape? Do I truly feel challenged by playing video games? Should I play video games because it's something I'm "good" at? Thank you all, and thank you Cam especially. I've never even considered just how much impact games have had on me.
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