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tirEdOrange

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About tirEdOrange

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  1. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic Phyxius   

    Yea! I plan to do that after I have some routine with my exercise. Variations are a good thing, nice tip!
    24.04.2017, 10:47:
    Day 5-10
    If there is something that would describe my last days it would be:
    BINGED!
    So during the last days I did a little bit of sport, some self reflection and a looooot of binging but no gaming. I have now a vision of the way how I want to design my day and today I made a step towards this goal and I'm happy about that.
    So far I woke up early and made some morning sport, now the next step is to invest my day for studying which will be the real challenge but I'm positive and motivated
    My counter right now is 30 Push-ups, 0 Sit-ups and 2km. The rest will be done throughout the day except the running part.
    Something that I realized is that I hid myself from everything during the last days by binging. On the other hand I had also a lot of creative Ideas and insight into my personality. So the last 5 days had been unproductive, but weren't completly wasted. Still, I need to find a middle line for this lol because I can't simply do almost nothing for 5 days haha.
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  2. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic Phyxius   

    Thanks! And I think that I will stay for a longer while this time^^
     
    17.04.2017, 15:58:
    Day 3
    I didn't went on yesterday, so I will write today about yesterday:
    I went out and helped my parents renovate their house and then spend some time with family. In the evening I had the opportunity to use my time more wisely but got stuck on binge watching for around 1-2 hours. The bad thing was that I have an infection at my foot that hinders me from jogging. Anyway I made 80 Push-ups and 80 Sit-ups during the day, I just wasn't able to run. I need to lookout for times when I can use my time for...something useful. At least yesterday I totally realized when that time window would had been. Anyway I still ate some fast good in the evening which hindered me from sleeping.
    Day 4
    Since I wasn't able to sleep I slept in pretty late today. I will regulate my sleep schedule over this week.
    Anyway, no running for me today since I need to heal off the wound for 1 more day before I should get startin', so far I did 20 Push-ups and Sit-ups, but I will go up to 100 today for sure! *starting now* okay I'm at 40/40 now hehe.
    I need to compensate my lack of time investment into university during the next weeks and get to the point where I am on the same level as everyone else. Good news about it: I have no life except gaming which means I can invest a loooot of time now to do that. Bad news: I need to really commit myself to it.
    I really dislike going to the university if I don't really have to. The reason behind it is simply that I learn better at home if I commit myself to it. If I'm in university and start to ask question the answer most of the times are: "You can look this up at home". Also during all the lectures the sentence "You will need to look this up at home again and again and again" comes way too often. Well what am I there for then if I need to look it up at home anyway?! Logic. It is wasted time in my perception and also the learning atmosphere at home is a lot more enjoyable since there are no outer distractions (like noise and talking students) and I save around 1,5 hours on a day to stay at home, which can be used otherwise than traveling and organizing.
    So in Order to be able to see a part of my home as a workplace where I can fully focus on my work without distractions (that happen in my flat).
    So the plan is: Catch up on the new lectures during this week and the full next week will be commited to catch up on the lectures that I missed during the last part of last semester that go on in this semester. In order to do that I need to: Have a good sleep schedule, work on my concentration and prepare myself mentally.
    Oh I also realized that every time when I write such a huge wall of text about my plannings for the future that the reason behind it is most of the time that I didn't do anything during the actual day, so in order to fel better or so (?!) I plan tasks in the future that justify my laziness. ---> Things you just realize when you write about yourself. Spooky.
    So yeah I'm a lazy varmint today but I will live with that as long as I don't game I'm fine with it (at least for today). I will visit my university lectures tomorrow morning in order to know how far they are and to get my ass up and get used to spending my time learning. We'll see how the day goes from there.
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  3. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic Phyxius   

    Nice to have such an instant welcome!
    There is no need to go slow. I'm used to sports, the only problem is just that I'm excessively gaming.
     
    15.04.2017, 20:21:
    Day 2
    What a good day I had. I didn't played a bit and did 40 Push-ups and 40 Sit-ups so far. I bought some fresh groceries and ate some good self-made food. Also damn I got fat during the last weeks. Good thing that I will run so much during the next weeks.
    Anyway, I need to work on the learning time. Somehow I binged my 6 hour learning with sleeping in and spending time with my girlfriend. Well at least I know now that Cola would be green without coloring, maybe this will come in handy some day. I will reduce this time to 1h, do it right now and then jog off into the night, I will try to avoid any fallen tree on my way though, especially if there are swamps nearby.
    Tomorrow will be filled with working, sports and learning. Great day incoming. Since I don't know for how long I will need to work it's hard to calculate the rest of the time but I guess that 3h learning will be doable. I will be such a wise human being afterwards goddamn.
    oh btw fk videogames. Actually just fk this one videogame that I'm addicted to. Looking at a gameplay video today I'm asking myself how I can be so hooked up about it. Well good thing that evolution is a thing (luckily evolution of mind doesn't take hundreds of years muahaha).
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  4. tirEdOrange added a topic in Daily Journals   

    Phyxius
    14.04.2017, 17:18:
    Day 1
    "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
    Based on this philosophical question I was asking myself lately:
    If you achieve something and nobody is around to notice it, is it still an achievement?
    While the rational part of me is saying that it all depends on my own perception, which means if I want it to be an achievement then it will be one, but the other emotional part of me clearly feels that the answer is no.
    As long as I achieve things and they go by unnoticed, I can't be sure what exact value they have to me. If I can't share them with others, I might as well just imagine things or try to talk them nicer than they are.
    So what drives a young 25 year old student to ask himself this question? Well, the answer to that is:
    I'm stuck in a pit that is filled with depression, anxiety and apathy. I have reached the absolute bottom of my life so far... and I wanna get out.
    So to keep things short:
    I'm pissed about myself and everyone who brought me down this pit and I'm ready to rip off some heads if needed (most likely mine) in order to have an enjoyable life.
    So if you wanna read about me bragging every day what a great human being I am by doing things over the day that I don't really want to do but that will (possibly?) give me advantages and opportunities in the future then congratulations! You have come to the perfect place!
    I'm fine with you bragging here as well, but don't overdo it! After all this is not your Journal pal *insert silly smiley here in order to not look totally egomaniac*
    So why am I writing then in a GameQuitters Forum about this?
    --> Because except from gaming there is absolutly nothing else that I do. I'm running in circles everyday until I pass out of being tired or I am so hungry from not eating anything for 2 or more days that I order something in order to save time so I can keep playing. Sounds a little bit extreme but well yeah, I like going "extreme" and test my borders.
    So far I got all my accounts banned and uninstalled the game I was playing. There will always be a way to get back to gaming since it's soooooo easily accesible but that's what this Journal is for now, reminding myself of what a useless little shit I can be if I go back to gaming.
    So future me, if you read this because you thought about installing a game just to try it out because this new change they made looks so fun and after all you can just regulate your time now since you learned soooooo much about yourself READ THIS:
    So far you passed out 3 times and one time you hit your head so badly you actually was in panic mode when you woke up because you lost control of your motoric function since your neck was in a really inappropriate position. Your whole Family exists of losers and addicts of every kind and no one is able to achieve anything and as soon as YOU FUCKING TOUCH THAT GAME AGAIN, you are not a bit better. Remember that time 10 years ago when you had so much pressure on yourself that you felt like you had to carry the world on your shoulders in order to succeed? Well forget about that because you're a fkn loser if you start gaming again as if there is no tomorrow. This life was meant to be succesful and there is no way out of it and you know that.
     
    So for today I did absolutly nothing of worth so far except breathing, but I will clean up my appartment now and then visit my family. Fk yea! Oh and I didn't game today and deleted my Stream with his 8 viewers and 27 followers. Fame time is over
    Tomorrow I will start my profect which is: 10 KM running, 100 Pushup, 100 Sit ups every day (If you get this reference we can be friends and if not we can still be friends) and since I already have no hair I seem to have an advantage there.
    I will also learn for 2 different topics for 6 hours and then proceed to have a nice fkn dinner. Fk yea!
    See you tomorrow and don't even think about touching the Computer or I will... virtually harras you, I mean me, or so!!!
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  5. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic 1000 DAYS CHALLENGE   

    I see a phoenix has risen from it's ashes, stronger than ever.
    I don't want your money but I request a swimming activity of 250 meters in exchange for it!
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  6. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic The Journey Within   

     
    Beatifully enlightening
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  7. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic The Journey Within   

    Hey Pierce!
    Nice to see you back again(what an awful sentence to say in this forum...haha)! To be honest I was worried for a while after seeing you stoping your Journal so abruptly. I hope you still got everything done that had do be done during this time?
    You are such an ambitious mind that I like to have around me that it would sadden me to see you simply quit for good. To be honest it is quite ... complicated to answer to your journal. You have so much insight on so many things, but somehow I think that this is your problem as well. Sometimes we have to do boring stuff or just stuff that men have to do in order to "prevail" our "existence" and often, or most likely always, these things are boring. But the thing about boring this is: they are great!
    I have just recently watched a video about it that might help you, I will send you the link via PM.
    Seems like I will need to keep up with my learn goals to now to be able to compare myself to your levels Looking forward to your future entries!
     
     
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  8. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic Quit for 90 Days!   

    How would I personally describe the detox with my own words after the 90 days experience? Well... to put it short:
    You come back to be yourself.
    The world seems crazy around you as soon as you realize how much you numbed yourself with this drug. We are all so much more than we realize and as long as we numb our conciousness with gaming we only paralyze ourselves to the point where we become desperate and don't know what to do.
    The value that this program here has is not explainable. The name is more fitting than it firstly seems because after all my experiences I can really say that I have:
    Respawn-ed. (So now I'm the RespawnEdOrange ).
     
    If I would have to point out 5 things that should be considered (due to my experiences from it), it would be:
    1. Make a Journal. You probably won't believe it at first but this is some miraclestuff right here. Writing this journal in this forum is something that will change you, but not because people here are telling you how to live your life the right way(which they don't do, there are such great motivators here doing the right stuff), it is because you learn how to talk to yourself. How to listen to yourself. You start to get in touch with yourself and this is a very, if not the most, important lesson to learn during this Journey.
    2. Follow the steps of Respawn. Your first days will be filled with all kind of possible physical and psychological Issues and cravings but it sounds probably worse than it is. It is a crazy time in the beginning and you should respect yourself for every day that you can successfully finish during this time and the steps in Respawn are helping you during the beginning. They show you the way how to handle all these crazy things and how to endure them without simply giving up because of the smallest things.
    3. You will grow during the process. This whole detox felt so overwhelmingly undoable at some points, so don't give up if you feel like you can't do it, I can assure you: You can. If you need it then seek for the support here, because you will get it and it is simply great in this forum and helps a lot. Tasks that seemed very hard in the beginning will become easy in the end and you will grow stronger in so many ways that you will be able to handle a lot of different situations with your new experience!
    4. Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm a great friend of being too hard on myself...of expecting the perfect results from me or seeing them otherwise as a failure and this is the reason why I had some of my problems: because in the end a goal that had no failure is a road with no experience, it has no value. The experiences that you earn during your Journey are the most important thing, so if you do mistakes from time to time then don't worry, just get back on track as soon as possible and keep going!
    5. It is never too late. I am now aware of what happened to me during the last years and I think the most can relate to this feeling when you took a moment for yourself during the past and realized that you've lost a couple of years for this addiction of yours that you didn't even really knew about until recently. I felt very insecure about the fact that I simply lost so many years during my addiction and if I'm honest then I am still a little bit insecure about it at the moment because it still affects my life right now but,... you will learn during the detox that there is no reason to be insecure about it. The "ideal way that everyone should go" is just an Illusion. There is no time limit to that tells you that you can't start your life right now. You can start with it anytime.
    I guess this would be my core experiences during my detox. It opened my eyes and helped me to quit what destroyed me. Gaming was something to distract me from this thing but the detox did more than just letting me quit Video games: It let me left what pulled me down all those years and made me wanna numb myself so much. I still have to deal with the aftereffects from all this but hell... I'm so happy right now that I could cry tears... Well let me add another point:
    6. Don't be a crybaby after 90 days. haha just kidding! Go and enjoy your new life and all the things around you!
    Thanks Cam for creating this <3
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  9. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic 1000 DAYS CHALLENGE   

    If you feel like too much work puts too much stress on your BODY, then don't forget to provide it with all the nutritions that it needs especially when you work a lot. Healthy meals, enough sleep and a lot of water are a must be.
    I went through 12 weeks of 16-hour workshifts and as long as I ate healthy meals and drank a lot of water while having good sleep I was never really drained physically. It was a very boring time mentally though and I the days got monotonous. But after that every little activity was great, so I think it's the switch between working and not working that makes you appreciate the opposite
    Other than that I think that water is great. Swimming can have an almost massaging impact on your body while improving your physique as well. Something that worked fine for me as well was flipping a coin between my finger, you know like these cool poker guys and chip-dealer. It takes some practice until you can do it and also some concentration, so it distracts you a little bit from all the noise that happens. I could flip a coin in my hand for hours and feel somehow eased. It could also work with everything else that needs your dexterity, like pen spin or practicing some "magic tricks" in general. Maybe this would be something for you
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  10. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic 1000 DAYS CHALLENGE   

    This sounds like a lot!
    I personally do pretty much the same at the moment but I feel kind of depleted fast If I don't take some breaks here and there
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  11. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic 21st century Ulysses.   

    Hi Robert,
    I've just read through your Journal and I wanted to thank you for being so open. It is very inspiring to see you working towards this change and being so active with your Journal! I had the very same enlightment during my Journal and began to understand the things that were going on instead of simply knowing them in my head as soon as I wrote them down in my Journal. I'm happy to see you having these discoveries because they really are life changing and show that you are going the right path and make progress!
    With that being said: I have immense respect for you and you're a hero for me. Depression took 4 years from me and there was a point where I simply woke up and realized that I am now at the point where I should had been 4 years ago and there is nothing I can do about it. And you're facing this situation with a gap of 12 years. You're insanely strong for the decision to change yourself and not give up after such a long time and therefore you are my hero.
    The beautiful thing about success is that you can define it for yourself. This is a thing that you realize as soon as you drop out of the regular system. It is not about making the best results in the shortest time and living the regular life, it is about me being successful and only I can decide what success is for me. And to be honest: Achieving my goals, no matter if they are still the same as before, even though I had a 4 years gap makes my success just even more impressive for me. I think my breast would explode from the pride that I would have if I would achieve my goals after a 12 years gap!
    You're doing great and while reading through these entries I couldn't see any reasons why you shouldn't succeed in your journey. Keep it up! I'm excited to read more about you and your development
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  12. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic 1000 DAYS CHALLENGE   

    Wooooot what a big project.
    Go for it! #InstantFollow
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  13. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic Fagus' journal   

    I was struggling a lot with what I should write to you...
    We had been together on this Journey from the very beginning.
    And with all the people that got left behind a part of me is thinking: "Well...maybe he just needs more time or another relapse to finally find himself and his solution...maybe he is not ready for it yet."
    But we both know that this is not the real problem here.
    The real problem is: that you didn't do some parts of your detox right. It seems like you still lack your social component and this is why you crave to play with your "former friends" !?
    I always admired how persistent your were during your detox because I had 1-2 smaller relapses during mine, that teached me a lot though.
    But let's be honest, do you think that you can still keep on progressing with yourself if you fall back into your old pattern? Do you think that you can gain all the insight that you had now will still be obtainable if you continue gaming all day the way you used to before when you had your "former friends"? Because if you will start it now, then there will probably be no turning back for a while.
    Like Reno said,... you know what you have to do.
    And even if you have done something wrong during your detox, there is still time to make it right, no?
    Whatever direction your decision goes: I'm happy that I have you with me on this journey and I wanted to thank you for that  
    You have something special about you and it would be a shame if you couldn't live up to your full potential.
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  14. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic Army of one   

    hehe, I can totally understand you there. But your feelings and emotions are something that influence your behaviour and you overall too. It is important to do rational decisions, but it is also important to guide your emotions and lead them in a helpful way. After all they are a part of you and they can be a great tool for you to use, but you have to learn to lead your emotions by your decisions and not to lead your decisions by your emotions   But I think that you are on a great way to learn this with your detox. Looking forward to your future entries
    Totally agree on that one! Love board games with friends *.*
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  15. tirEdOrange added a post in a topic Army of one   

    First of all: welcome to the forums and good job on starting your journal!
    I can totally relate to this and I'm glad that you share it here with us. I can calm you that you will probably learn here how to handle such situations, as I did. I was usually depressed with similar thoughts for weeks but after a lot of support and good advices from this forum this time shrinks to day(s) instead of weeks and made me instantly get back on track. I'm surprised about the effectiveness of my own changes regarding this problem. The people here are really awesome and helpful and I'm glad you have joined us
    I don't know you personally but the fact that you want to improve yourself by tuning down your gaming time so you can pursue your goals better seems like a good personal "flaw" to me After all you have decided to improve yourself and this already shows a part of your dedication and that can be admired if you stay commited to it.
    If you feel miserable about your actual personality, and I can understand that because I felt the same when I started my detox, then start to think about the person that you will become after this journey and feel free to start to feel proud and great about this person because: you have already done your first step to become this person and you are on the right track to get there we'll be on this journey with you!
    I'm glad you have people around that are willed to help you with your problem
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