"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."


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About Craig

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Craig's Activity

  1. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    Long time since my last entry.  I started over yesterday with the help of Respawn.  I'm not sure how I feel yet.  I do feel a relief (deep down) under the nerves and fear.  I'm also excited to start this new chapter of my life.  
    All of the things that were ignored and procrastinated while I was gaming are now all surfacing and "angry."  I know I can work through and will eventually be caught up.  Being "caught up" alone is a time that I look forward to greatly.  
    Ok. Back to work.  Going to read some more Respawn during lunch.  
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  2. Craig added a post in a topic Freaking out...   

    Ok. Xbox One S erased.  5 TB HD Erased.  Pre-orderd Game cancelled.  Console on Facebook Marketplace.    
    On to page 20.  
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  3. Craig added a post in a topic Freaking out...   

    OMG! I didn't even think of that.  You rock!  They canceled it with no problems because it hasn't been released yet.  Boom! 
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  4. Craig added a topic in Relapse   

    Freaking out...
    I'm back again.  This time it feels serious and I think I've come to terms with the fact that I have a problem.  I finally bought Respawn today and I'm stuck on page 19 "Action Step" 
    I've sold my console before and bought another in order to relapse.  Now I'm having a hard time making cancel my subscription to xbox live.  I assume I also have to wipe my hard drive with the games installed on it too.  Do I go as far as going into my favorite game and deleting my character profile?  I identify greatly with the pages that speak of the "Sunk Cost Fallacy" I recently preordered a $100 game that comes out tomorrow.  I'm definitely at an important crossroads today.  Any advice or support would be welcomed.   
    Thanks Guys
    • 7 replies
  5. Craig added a topic in Relapse   

    Time to stop again
    I'm not sure what the deal is with me.  I have sold and bought Xbox Ones 4 times now.  I realize that selling them is not the answer if I have the means to go buy another.  I'm going to put it in the filing cabinet this time.  I hopefully won't freak out and panic that it's gone which may enable me to work on my detox.  I have always been a terrible procrastinator.  The game makes it so easy to "tune out" for hours. Before I know it it's time to go home.  I beat myself up every day and say I'll get to it in the morning. I feel that if I am caught up on my work that I won't have that negative need to procrastinate.  
     There is a game coming out in about 90 days that I am looking forward to. Maybe that can be a reward if I have developed good habits by then?  
    I know if I can get a handle on my work habits and compartmentalize my time properly, I believe that I can game leisurely when there is time.  
    Detox should be the answer.  Any thoughts?
    • 4 replies
  6. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    I've been able to keep busy enough to not think about gaming (for the most part.)  I did veg out watching some mobile DVR'd TV and today I watched 20 minutes of Black ops 3 videos. 
    Overall I'm satisfied with myself.  I feel less guilty when going home from work which has translated to better communication with my wife from not being defensive. I also lost 4.5 lbs. not eating pizza and wings while I'm playing.  So, all good here. So far.  
    I'll check in again next week. 
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  7. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    Ok Bitches! I sold both of my consoles and re-started my 90 day detox.  I feel good about it. Trying to keep busy and not think of fragging noobs. 
    The moment of clarity was when I was thinking that online multiplayer shooters were the problem.  I was like "I'll just play a 1st person game once in a while for fun....no problem" So I bought the Bioshock trilogy for $60 (which I've played before) for my leisure gaming. Two work days later I found myself at the end credits of Bioshock 1 and no work was complete.  So I obviously have a problem with stopping gaming once I start.  I go into a meditative state and play.  No good. 
    I dramatically dropped the prices I was selling my consoles for and they went like hotcakes. Now it's just me and the backlogged pile of work to deal with. I'm looking forward to catching up on work so I can do a few non-game tasks.  
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  8. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    It's been a while.  I guess what you guys would call what I've been doing is "relapsing."  I decided that I could cut back. I said to myself that I'm an adult and I can play video games if I want to etc.  
    Whatever I thought I was going to do better didn't work.  I've been playing non-stop. I need to get on the track with all of my new friends in here.  
    I used the excuse before that nobody would buy my xbox consoles from Craigslist.  I'm just going to lower the prices dramatically, I bet I can sell them both tomorrow. I can't detox if they are sitting in my office begging to be plugged back in.  
    Here I go again. Reset, unplug and try to sell. 
    Wish me luck!
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  9. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    Mission Control

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  10. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    Good news and bad news.  The bad new is that I played Black Ops 3 all morning and past lunch (I'm not too happy with myself.)  The good news is that I reset, erased and unplugged my console again.
    I feel more liberated this time than when I first decided to quit the first time.  I want the consoles ..gone..
    I'll check in tomorrow with updates on cravings.  I really don't forsee another relapse though.  
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  11. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    I actually caught myself with console in hand, fumbling around with cables and getting ready to plug it in and start downloading my game yesterday afternoon.  Many aspects of my job are stressful enough to give you the sense of dread in the pit of my stomach.  I realize that gaming was also a wonderful escape from that stress. Even though it's still there later, while the game is on, I am unplugged from my life.  That's the thing. Gaming isn't truly "relaxing" it gives your consciousness somewhere to go that is exciting enough to distract you from life for a while.  I recall someone mentioned that gaming releases adrenaline into the bloodstream. Maybe Cam in a video?  I wonder if it releases other chemicals as well. Endorphins? 
    It will be difficult today as I can feel my willpower slipping.  I guess I'll lower the price that I'm selling the consoles for on Craigslist.  I hate giving them away though. 
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  12. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    I got a lot of work done yesterday.  It was, however, a constant craving to play.  I powered through like back in school when I put off doing my research paper until the last minute.  The tricky thing is what ti I do when I'm caught up with my work? I have a list of other things to do but... It will be way easy to justify a gaming session.
    I just have to make sure the consoles are sold by then.  Aak. 
    The problem with my Detox/Recovery that I can forsee in the future is the fact that I really have no time for a new hobby where I "get out there" and "meet new people."  I own a company which is busy work and when I get home, I'm needed by my wife and kids. The weekends are filled with home projects and family time.  I felt that gaming was my only escape because I could squeeze it in and not leave the office.  That obviously does not work for me. 
    Any suggestions of ways to fill the entertainment void?  I'm afraid that if I do work, home, work, home etc.  that I will eventually fall back to gaming for escape. 
    Well of to my next power through session. Thanks for listening. 
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  13. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    Thanks for the replies @play_time_is_over and @Piotr.  
    So I ended up watching a movie on Netflix during work yesterday.  I did, however, get back to work when it was over.  That is something I never do when I'm gaming because there is no real definitive end to online multiplayer.  So I'm not too disappointed with that decision. As long as I don't start a second movie... 
    I had Black Ops 3 dreams last night.  My brain is definitely trying to work something out.  I've already caught myself trying to justify plugging in a console this morning. "By the time the game downloads and installs, I can have a bunch of work done" etc.  Don't worry, it's still by the wall staring at me.
    It looks like I'm on the way to catching up on my data entry.  I'm hoping to get to invoicing and change orders by the end of the day.  Here we go! 

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  14. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    So today is pretty hard.  It's really the first day that I sat down in the situation where I would normally convince myself to play some online multiplayer.  The consoles are still sitting over by the wall staring at me.  I did schedule a service call this morning and actually made some money which is good (I own an electric company.)  I'm gonna buckle down and hopefully get myself in the swing of my office work.  Blerg. Wish me luck. 
    And of course, a new DLC is released tomorrow.  Time to unsubscribe from email lists.  
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  15. Craig added a post in a topic Craig's Journal   

    Nobody has bought them yet, so they are sitting there tempting me.  Kind of like being on a diet and your friend orders a pizza. Today is gonna be rough haha. I have some hobbies lined up for when I catch up on my office work. I am also planning to start exercising again as well
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