Paul A.

No matter what, you never fail to impress me with your consistency. No matter how many times you slip up, you always get right back on the wagon. That's definitely one of your best traits, and it'll serve you well in the future. Keep on keeping on man!

I can't even begin to understand how you must be feeling right now. That's awful news, and it pains me to think about how terrible you must be feeling. Let us know if there's anything we can do

I still remember when you first posted on the forum - you've made tremendous progress since then. Day 83 is a huge accomplishment. Keep it up, you got this!

Hey everyone! Wanted to update you all on how I've been doing. I've started waking up at 5am to go to the gym. Today's my second day. So far so good! Yesterday I did end up going back to sleep after I came back from the gym, but today I don't feel nearly as tired. I even had a cup of coffee to ensure that I'll stay awake throughout the day. So that's going well. I'm also still working on my social media presence and my music, but I'm starting to second-guess myself again. It always happens like this, where I go full steam ahead on a new venture, keep at it for a few weeks or months, and then lose steam and quit. I see the same cycle repeating itself with my music. And it's not for lack of enjoyment, because I enjoy making music more than anything else. I'm just starting to doubt whether it's what I want to do as a career. There may be a bit of an impostor syndrome going on, where I lack faith in my talents, especially in comparison to other artists. Not to mention, I don't fit the description of a typical rapper/hip-hop artist. I didn't grow up under difficult circumstances, and I live in a quiet suburban neighborhood. I didn't have to witness violence, drug abuse, and the like growing up, and yet that's what a lot of mainstream hip-hop is about. I'm trying to stray away from that subject matter in my music because it's not true to who I am, but there's something that's causing me to lose the passion I had at first. I really can't put my finger on it. And I don't exactly think these feelings are gonna go away with time. I need to figure out how to address them, as well as next steps - whether to keep going with my music, find something else to do, and etc. In other news, I'm applying for other jobs. I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who got into selling solar panels, and it made me realize that I'm not making any money selling furniture. At first, I thought I just didn't want to work in sales, but I figured out that I don't mind sales; it's really the environment of the furniture store that I'm not so fond of. A lot of the time, customers will tell me they're just "looking around", only to walk around the store for a while and leave. Other times, because I'm not in the immediate vicinity of the customer (because I let them wander around to look), they find another salesperson to work with, costing me the sale. Fact of the matter is, I haven't seen a commission paycheck in months. It's hard to stay motivated in an environment like that. But my current qualifications make it so that I'll have trouble breaking into any other industry apart from sales, retail, food, and maybe technology. And if I had to choose between those four, I'd lean towards sales. Anyway, I received a call from one of the jobs I applied to yesterday. I'll call them back today and see what the deal is. Anyway, that's what's been going on with me. I haven't touched a video game since last I posted about it, which was maybe a month or two ago - I really don't remember. For the most part, all is well. Hope you all are doing well!

The plan is to do it professionally at some point: that’s why I’m posting so much on social media, to build and grow an audience that will enable me to make a full time living making music. It’s little more than a hobby right now because it’s not making me any money, but I think if I stick with it long enough, I can turn it into my livelihood.

Well, I think it’s because I just have a lot more going on now. When I’m not working, I’m actively working on either music or content for my social media. I’m taking my music a lot more seriously now, and I was advised to start building my social media presence, so I dived headfirst into creating content. Gaming is the last thing on my mind nowadays. As such, I don’t have as much of a need (or time) to be so active here on the forums. I’ll definitely swing by every now and again with updates, but for the most part I’m locked in with my music!

Well, I fell off the wagon for a while. After my last post, I began a period of gaming almost incessantly for about 2 weeks, during which I missed work and messed up my sleep schedule pretty bad. I was able to get away with it by brushing it off as my mental health acting up, but in reality it was just a lack of self-control. I know now that gaming in moderation isn’t possible for me. It isn’t all bad, though. After I got sick of gaming, I rediscovered my passion for making music, and I’ve been working on some new tracks for about a week now. I’m really trying to polish my mixing skills, and I’ve devoted a lot of time and even a bit of money to learning from mentors and fellow mix engineers. I’m having a blast doing it, way more fun than I had gaming. I figured I would just post a quick update since I’ve been MIA for some time. I don’t intend to be as active as I used to be on the forum, but I’ll still drop in every now and then. Hopefully you all are doing well!

Burnout is real! Try to pace yourself when it comes to your studying, break it up into manageable chunks of time by practicing something like the Pomodoro technique. As far as the feeling of drifting, it happens. Take all the time you need to explore different hobbies/outlets, or to sit with yourself and just think about what you want to do. It may feel like you’re just going through the motions now, but if you take the time to be introspective and explore your options, I’m sure you’ll overcome. Hope this helps

1/6/2023 What I did well today: I completed another day of my DPV, but at a lesser quantity of each exercise. I did 20 pushups, 20 crunches, and 20 squats, followed by 5 minutes of meditation. I didn't run today, likely because I was in a hurry to game. I'm going to try walking before I run to see if that lessens the mental strain of it. What I could’ve done better: I spent maybe half an hour or so gaming. I realized why I wanted to quit gaming to begin with, so I promptly changed my password and logged out. I'll have to go through the trouble of resetting my password if I decide I want to play again, which I don't for now. Thoughts/realizations: There's a lot on my mind today. First and foremost, I need a better approach to quitting games. I haven't been able to complete a full 90 days yet. Whenever I quit, I find some activities to replace gaming, but they don't stick or they're not effective enough to fully fill the void gaming leaves behind. After a while, I end up feeling nostalgic and I miss playing the game, and the cycle begins anew. I'm really going to take finding replacement activities a lot more seriously this time. Second, I want to get a new job. I work in a high-touch sales job, where the expectation is that if you greet a customer, you're entitled to that sale (if they do decide to purchase). However, I find myself in a store where certain people are inclined to steal my customers, even though I greeted them. It's happened more times than I can count at this point, and I'm tired of dealing with it. I lost motivation for the job itself long ago, and this customer stealing situation is one more reason why I don't want to stick around. I'm gonna start searching for other jobs in the meantime. My parents are also looking into an IT certification for me, which seems promising. Between the work situation and my gaming the past few days, I've been dealing with some mental and emotional exhaustion. Not to mention, it's been difficult to get out of bed in the morning for the past week or so. It may be because I'm dreading my DPV in the mornings, but I've been waking up quite late the past several mornings, around 10-11AM. It's pretty strange and I may consult with my physician about it when I go in to see him on Monday the 9th. But that about wraps up my thoughts for today. Plans for the future + timeframe for achievement: Within a week: Attend next martial arts class Within a month: Visit a nutritionist Within 6 months: Successfully create and maintain a sustainable nutritional plan More than 6 months: Change careers

I changed the password on my Roblox account to a randomly generated one and logged out. Now there's a bit of friction in place to prevent me from easily accessing my account. Thanks @Yan, @Ikar, and @Faroe Islander for your input. I appreciate you guys for reading my journal and for providing your input where necessary. You're absolutely right. I did give in to gaming in a moment of weakness. What happens most of the time is that I go without the game for a month or two, but I end up getting back into it due to boredom, or nostalgia, or whatever the case may be. I saw a video clip of the game and I started to miss playing it this time around. But these past few days of gaming helped me realize why I wanted to quit in the first place. Thanks for pushing me in the right direction. That's a great point. Even if our efforts are focused on staying away from the games, we're still indirectly focused on the game, in a sense. The game (or avoidance of it) still controls our thoughts and actions. Good advice, and thanks for the thoughtful questions! To answer them all in one fell swoop, no, I don't think gaming, even in moderation, would be in line with my values and with who I want to be in the future.

1/5/2023 What I did well today: I completed another day of my DPV. 26 pushups, 26 crunches, and 26 squats, followed by 5 minutes of meditation. I also did a brief kung fu practice session, practicing what I learned from my first class yesterday. My personal practice session lasted all of 5 minutes, but it's a start. The more I learn, the longer I intend to practice. What I could’ve done better: I gamed a bit today, for about 10 minutes. I realized that the gaming itself isn't the problem, but it's rather the amount of time I spend doing it. If I could learn to cut down on the amount of time I spent playing, I could probably have a pretty healthy gaming habit. I also remembered the reason I wanted to quit in the first place: the games are more frustrating than they are fun. I'm not very good at the game I play, and naturally that results in me losing quite a bit. Call me a sore loser, but I don't take losing very well. That's more or less what prompts me to put the game down after a while, but some time passes and I end up missing the game again. I don't want to go through the process of deleting my account yet again, so I'm gonna try and moderate my gaming this time around, down to 1-2 hours a day. Plus, I play this particular game with a good friend of mine who lives in another state, which is more reason for me not to try and leave it behind completely. Thoughts/realizations: I found a fun replacement activity in the form of chess. Chess is itself a game, which is why I think I'm enjoying it so much. But it's more strategic than anything, which is prompting me to think in new and different ways. Even at work, I was playing mobile chess with my coworkers (traffic was slow, so don't be alarmed lol). I'm eager to learn more about the game and to improve at it. Chess was the one activity I was looking for that could take up a majority of my free time, the same way gaming did. That's not to say chess is the only thing I plan to do. I've compiled a list of other activities I can try out, most of which I can do online. Other than that, I'm glad I was able to find a few activities to fill time with, and in such a short period of time, too. Plans for the future + timeframe for achievement: Within a week: Attend next martial arts class Within a month: Visit a nutritionist Within 6 months: Successfully create and maintain a sustainable nutritional plan More than 6 months: Change careers

1/4/2023 What I did well today: I completed another day of my DPV. 25 pushups, 25 crunches, and 25 squats. I wasn't able to meditate today, nor did I complete my run. I stopped running about a minute in, likely because of the mental strain of running. I'll likely have to dial back the amount of time I'm running to compensate for this. What I could’ve done better: I relapsed today (more on that in the next section). I failed to find adequate replacement activities, and it resulted in me making a new Roblox account and playing for several hours today. I've already installed a website blocker on my browser to restrict my access to Roblox. Thoughts/realizations: This far into my detox, I didn't even believe relapse was on the horizon. I'd been going strong without any major cravings for so long, I thought I'd pretty much overcome my gaming problem. Clearly, that wasn't the case. I haven't yet come across an adequate combination of activities to keep myself engaged outside of video games. I thought anime would be good enough, but it doesn't hold my attention like it needs to. That means I'll have to take finding activities a lot more seriously. I'm giving reading (fiction specifically) a shot, and hoping it can at least fill some, if not most, of my time. Other than that, I need to invest more time and energy into finding entertaining and engaging replacement activities. Plans for the future + timeframe for achievement: Within 1 week: Attend next martial arts class Within a month: Visit a nutritionist Within 6 months: Successfully create and maintain a sustainable nutritional plan More than 6 months: Change careers

Congrats on 90 days! It’s been a pleasure to watch you grow and mature as you progressed along your detox journey. Best of luck in your future endeavors!

Leaving your phone in another room is helpful… and you can decide to check for any important notifications every now and then, like every hour or so.

I’m 20 turning 21 this year, what I meant is that I’m getting older and I don’t necessarily have an infinite amount of time to choose a career path… because at the moment I’m really struggling to simply DECIDE what it is I want to do. This is good confirmation for me, a few people have told me to invest in some good running shoes because the shoes I run in now aren’t providing adequate support. Thanks for the heads up