(Thank you, Piotr. I like your aura of gentle wisdom.) Update: I haven't touched a game since May 11th. I'm very glad that I took this big step. My September calendar said that my 3-month Second Life subscription would have expired at the beginning of this month, had I never cancelled it. I can not imagine how I would have had space in my heart for Burning Man (yes, this was my first year!), had I not made this effort. I would not have had the presence of heart and mind worthy of a transformative Burning Man experience. I also had some time to think about ways to earn an income, and decided on professional pet caregiving, and reselling clothes and jewelry online (Poshmark, Ebay). (Exciting discovery I made was that what I was seeking in Second Life was to contribute something to the community, get paid in return, and create a following. I just didn't know what it really was that I was looking for. This longing could be perfectly replaced with thrift reselling!) I must share though, that upon returning from BM and experiencing post-BM blues, I saw images of the games I used to play and felt a missing for them. They were just images I observed, without acting on. I was most tempted to log in to a MUD I tried once or twice, but I have not, and this desire is now withering. I still can't figure out what it is inside of me that gives birth to this archaic longing. It must be a childlike part, yearning for her "pacifier". The BM trip was quite rough (which is the ironic beauty of Burning Man), also involving a train accident, though no one was injured. My boyfriend and I came back a bit shaken up. I wish I understood what this inner part wants. I only know that deep inside I came back in a tumultuous emotional state, hurting...
Hey sweet crew, I don't post as frequently as I should, but often think of this community. There's a free online conference starting tomorrow, and it looks terrific. It's all about recovering from addiction, with a wholesome and holistic approach. Sign up here: http://recovery2point0conference.com/ <3
An update on my detox, which started 11th of May (Not sure if I should be posting this in my journal instead?): It's hard to explain in a couple of sentences without going into my history, but I've felt zero desire to play and 100% revulsion. It's just that gaming reached such a level of sickness for me, that there was no way forth but out of it. This time it wasn't just my brain and heart telling me to stop. It was my body too - heart pain and trouble sleeping. I am now free to live and explore other approaches to that which is the driving force behind the addiction (which has simply transferred itself to another addiction: clothes shopping). Overall though, I feel light, free.
Thank you so much..... I will reply individually in the morning, but for now I wanted to update the journal and triumphantly write that this act is a great gift I've just given myself. I feel infused with life. There is color in my cheeks. I am not weighed down. So far, I've read a lot yesterday (about Snowden, actually) and listened to wonderful music today, in place of what I'd normally do when I'd reach for a game. And: it felt really good and refreshing. Be back tomorrow.
Okay! Files deleted, and account deletion requested. This time I'm going through with this. Why: Words used to describe how this game makes me feel: Juvenile Regressing Suppression Trapping Suffocating
Today I'm going sky diving for the first time in my life (I hope the weather will allow it) with my friends. I wanted this to be a marking point of a new start in my life. In August I am going to Burning Man in Nevada (also for the first time). It will be a very sacred thing for me, and I do NOT want to be weighed down by this here issue.
Thank you so much!! I am back. I'm ready to participate in the 90 day detox now. Is there a specific thread dedicated to the 90 day detox somewhere? I saw it on Reddit, but can't see it here. My greatest addiction of 11 years - the virtual world of Second Life. I absolutely have to let go. I've let go of all the other games. This is the last hurdle. Alex, your signature was sorely needed right at this moment. It's holding me back from life. During the past on and off 11 years, I can't think of anything it's given me. Except distraction. I guess I should delete the character too. --- 90 Day Detox, Started 05/08/2016!
Lo and behold, I got super addicted to something as innocent as Solitaire recently, so much that I had to uninstall it in fury. For me, it was both a way to relax and not worry, as well as a major addiction. There is something intensely bothering me every second of every day, and gaming provides (provided?) a relief from that. It's possible something is eating up your father, in response to which he does not have adequate coping skills. Or he may be doing it for a different reason altogether. Best way to know is to ask him?