Thanks for sharing. There's going to be ups and downs and that's ok. The key is to be aware of them and keep going. Keep learning from your experience and make the necessary adjustments to move forward.
I would suggest setting goals and surrounding yourself by a group of people who can support you with that on a more regular basis. Obviously the forum can help you with that, but having even more accountability will make a big difference. Without goals you lack focus and direction, and without those it's hard to find motivation, or a reason why you should even pursue a life beyond gaming in the first place. So I would definitely start there. What are 1-3 goals you have in the next 3 months. Not watching YouTube is cool... but then what? What do you want to do with that time instead? So those are some ideas you can implement. I'm launching a mastermind group soon that will meet on a weekly basis to talk about our goals and challenges to support each other to succeed in them. If you're interested in that, apply here. No pressure or anything, just an idea if that's something you resonate with.