"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

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Activity Stream

  1. Schwing added a post in a topic The Warrior's Infinite Opus   

    I tried a squat but I couldn't support the weights with my hands properly and they curled inwards. Maybe bad positioning? I'll try again tonight and let you know.
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  2. KevinV1990 added a topic in Non-English Language Journals   

    Journal KevinV1990 [NL]
    Dag -5317: Laten we beginnen bij het begin
    Om mijn Nederlandse journal te beginnen, is het slim om bij het begin te beginnen. Voor het gemak pak ik dan 1 september 2012 als de begindatum van mijn gameverslaving, de dag dat de middelbare school voor mij begon. Alles was nieuw. Nieuwe kinderen, nieuwe leraren, maar ook nieuwe omstandigheden waar ik nooit eerder mee te maken had gehad. Net voor de brugklas begon ik last te krijgen van acne, iets wat naarmate de tijd vorderde, ook steeds heviger werd. De middelbare school zou de middelbare school niet zijn, als ik daar niet mee werd gepest. Voor die tijd werd ik nooit gepest. Natuurlijk waren er wel eens ruzietjes, en zo nu en dan een vechtpartijtje, maar met pesten had ik nooit te maken gehad. Het vreemde was echter wel dat vrienden die ik had van de basisschool, de mensen waar je dus eigenlijk een beetje op rekende, mee gingen doen aan dat pesten. Het heeft ervoor gezorgd dat mijn vertrouwen in mensen steeds minder werd, iets waar ik vandaag de dag nog steeds de problemen van ondervind.
    Er was denk ik één iemand die ik echt mijn vriend kon noemen (op de middelbare school), en diegene had ook nog eens een Playstation 1 thuis staan. Zelf had ik de Nintendo 64 en de Sega Mastersystem II thuis staan, en hoewel ik daar graag een spelletje op speelde, deed ik dat niet erg vaak. Wat ik in die tijd al wel vaak deed, was het spelen van Pokémon Gold op de Gameboy Color. Het leuke daaraan was vooral dat heel veel mensen in de buurt de Pokémon games speelden, dus we zaten vaak met een hele groep in het trappenhuis, of bij lekker weer buiten. Dan zaten we met zijn allen Pokémon te spelen. Doordat ik echter games als Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy IX en Dragon Ball Final Bout speelde bij die vriend, wilde ik al snel ook een Playstation hebben. Het heeft nog een tijdje geduurd voordat we er één in huis kregen, maar vanaf die dag begon ik veel meer te gamen. Final Fantasy VIII was de game waar het allemaal om draaide.
    Het was echter aan het eind van 2004 dat ik echt verslaafd begon te raken aan gamen. School ging al niet geweldig, en toen gingen we voor de zomer ook nog eens verhuizen. Hoewel het niet echt ver was van mijn oude buurt, begon ik mijn vrienden toch een beetje uit het oog te verliezen. Ik zonderde me steeds meer af, zeker toen ik voor mijn verjaardag een Playstation 2 kreeg. De Playstation 2 was voor mij echt de console waar het allemaal om draaide, er waren zoveel goede games te krijgen, en tweedehands kon je zelfs pareltjes tegenkomen die echt niemand had. Ik denk dat ik zo'n beetje elke goede game die er in Nederland te krijgen was voor de PS2, op een gegeven moment wel had.
    Uiteindelijk ben ik op school afgezakt van VWO naar VMBO-TL, iets wat niet alleen kwam door mijn gameverslaving (ik heb namelijk een bepaalde mening over het onderwijs in Nederland), maar het had er een groot aandeel in. Op het moment dat ik mijn diploma haalde, hoopte ik op een nieuwe start op mijn nieuwe MBO opleiding, Marketing & Communicatie. Wat kwam ik bedrogen thuis. Er was daadwerkelijk geen verschil tussen de mensen op de middelbare school, en die op het MBO. Bovenal had ik al bijna geen zelfvertrouwen meer, waardoor ik veel moeite had met het uitvoeren van sommige praktijkopdrachten. Ik stopte, en hoewel ik van plan was om via het volwassenonderwijs alsnog mijn HAVO diploma te halen, kwam hier uiteindelijk ook niets van terecht.
    Ondertussen was ik al 18, had geen goede opleiding, geen vrienden, geen werk, maar wel nog steeds een gameverslaving. Het zou nog wel een tijdje duren voor ik daar vanaf zou zijn.
    Wordt Vervolgd...
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  3. SuperSaiyanGod added a post in a topic Super Saiyan Journal   

    I couple of days ago I made the simplest tracker, it was just about not watching porn for 7 days, and I stopped trying after 1,5 days.
    I have been trying for so long I lost my faith that I can ever do it. That I can ever get the life I want.
    But I want to have it. I want to be able to run again, and be able to work out as hard as I want to. I want to lose weight so that I can make better progress with the workout, have more energy, sleep better and save my joints. I want to meet a lot of new people and have a satisfying social life. I want to get good at studying and be on the way to getting a doctorate. I want to learn as much as possible and understand the world. I want to read a lot of books and be able to veiw reading as a pleasure instead of a kinda chore.
    But I keep failing. Giving up actually. I wonder if I could ask my dad to help me. He's an alcoholic and clean for 11 years. But I'm afraid he won't understand. And I'm not at all very close with my family.
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  4. Ashley K. added a post in a topic Giblet's Journal   

    You got this! Welcome aboard! 
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  5. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days   

    Day 2:
    Didn't know what to do since I didn't plan out my day until I started thinking about ways I can start making money from home.
    While I watched my husband play video games, I was listening to him talk to his friend on xbox live about a new update with the game and what he wanted to do and whatnot. I kept thinking back to when I wasted so much money on buying things that I could never touch since it was just pixels. Then I realized how silly I was to do that and then thought about if I played right now, what would I gain? What would I be learning? Absolutely nothing. As always, I would go on, play for a few hours, feel guilty for doing so and then think about how I haven't learned anything beneficial or interesting. I know that I can't get my husband to stop so I just have to worry about myself and my children when it comes down to it. 
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  6. giblets added a topic in Accountability Partners   

    32M for 90 day detox
    I am looking for someone around my age(ish) to help hold me accountable for the 90 day detox. 
    I have also started training for a marathon, second week in! 
    I'd like to be able to chat every couple of days, especially at the start, which I have found the hardest in the past. Method isn't that important, probably email or just messages on here (if that is possible).
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  7. giblets added a topic in Daily Journals   

    Giblet's Journal
    Day 1.
    Time to start making an improvement. Cam is right - this is going to be emotional! It's only been a few hours and I'm a bit shaky.
    I have been suffering anxiety for over 12 months. I can't even remember the first time I saw a therapist and was diagnosed. I went to one initially because I thought I had PTSD, but it turns out it was stress-anxiety. It was such a relief to know what it was and start developing a plan to fix it. The date was 2015, so maybe 18 months ago.
    Anyway I have been using games as a way to escape my anxiety. Nobody online can see me struggle for words, or sweat over the smallest decisions. They just see a character pausing and think you're afk. But it's not solving it. Sure the anxiety isn't there while I am in the game, but eventually I have to go back and be a functioning member of society.
    So I am anxious that I am taking my crutch away and putting myself out there on this site to try and hold myself accountable. Sweating again thinking about it. But I am excited at the same time - there is so many more productive things I want to get involved with, and this is holding me back. Getting back to studying is one. Well, the main one. No more having a "5 minute" break from reading, only to play for an hour and forget about study all together, then barely scrape through with a pass mark. I want to excel. I want to be a role model, or at least, someone who is reliable and won't think of excuses not to go out with mates so I can sit at home and play games.
     
    My other attempts at cold turkey usually on average last 48-60 hours. I think I try at least once a month, if not once every two weeks. This time is going to work, surely.
     
    Here goes!
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  8. giblets added a post in a topic Time to quit   

    I know that feeling mate, I played WoW after a mate introduced it to me when I was at university and it was in vanilla. Being a druid and a rare class back then, I was in high demand and I felt wanted. It's a downward spiral that you can't break yourself out of! When I travelling throughout USA and Europe with family and discovered all I cared about was googling internet cafes and walking malls to try and find some, I knew I had to quit!
     
    To me the real addictive part was the social element. Trying to replace that IRL without the instantaneous response/at your fingertips is hard!
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  9. giblets added a topic in Start Here + Introductions   

    Starting out on day 1 of the detox!
    Good Evening,
     
    I am excited and anxious to be trialling out the Respawn program to finally kick video games for good. I don't think they are evil, I just don't like the dependency I have on them now; the 'crutch'.
     
    I have been playing games for 20 odd years, but in the last 5 years I think they really have started to have an impact. I mainly turned to them after moving around several times and not having a friends circle, or after several relationship breakdowns. Once I managed to get my life on track, I never eased up on gaming, always trying to hide it like my dirty little secret.
     
    In the last 12 months I have developed stress-anxiety, and my solution has been to turn to games again. I don't think it is helped the anxiety at all. Maybe in the short term while I am playing the game and escaping the real world, but as soon as the game finishes it's back to the old problems. I also don't really have an outlet anymore, many people feel like social media is their outlet, but I am so paranoid about being data mined and the archiving of everything you do that I do not feel encouraged to do it at all.
     
    I have joined the Respawn program as a way to hold myself accountable, and maybe these forums will be a good outlet for me. Day 1 here we go! I look forward to interacting with the community as soon as I can
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  10. AlexTheGrape added a post in a topic My Journal - Alex   

    Update:
    This week has been a busy one, i've been filling in much of my time with studying and almost every evening I've stayed late at school for a club gathering or event. I'm aware I've joined more clubs than I can handle, so I'm currently prioritising what is really important to me.
    I've been gyming relatively consistent this week, and had a better work ethic than the last, but my bed time has been quite inconsistent.
    I've been making plenty of friends recently, I hope that they'll stay friends for a long time. 
    I've applied for various leadership positions within my university faculty (engineering), so I'll see how that goes.
    I am yet to write here about my youth development voyage, so if I have time this weekend I'll try to do that.
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  11. AlexTheGrape added a post in a topic My Journal - Alex   

    Fair enough, tea is pretty good :D
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  12. Csaba_Bekesi added a post in a topic Übermensch   

    Just handed in a project. I'm aiming for 70 percent I will probably get around 50-60. I dare say I enjoyed writing it. I was told by a friend that I am doing quite well for someone who "doesn't like to code" which was a reference to a conversation where I told him I don't like it. I think I was just struggling to cope. 
    I'm taking the extra time on the other one. I will lose 10% but will be able to hand in respectable work. 
    I'm 75 days into this detox. I feel that this is one of the best transformative things I've done for myself. Whatever happens after my 90 days regarding gaming I feel I will stay here. I will come here to fight my struggle with controlling my internet habits. I will be here whenever I need help. And I will return the favor to the best of my ability, at least for quite a while. 
     
    I will get some chores out of the way now. Thanks guys. 15 days to the original goal. Quite exciting. I guess this is a milestone in a way by itself is it not? I think it is. I think every day was and is a milestone. Not just on GQ but in your life. After all, you managed to get out of bed and not die. That is pretty damn good if you ask me. 
     
    @destoroyah Thanks for the advice man! I'm trying my best to stay on top. I will have a great shot to "reset" when I go back home for 2 weeks. I will be guaranteed good food and good sleep, I will incorporate exercise and coding! I have a coding project in mind, I find myself missing seeing how many hours I commited to something like that little marker on steam. I want to see that I've only done X hours of coding so I am fine with how good I am! I think it is a feedback system that helps a lot. 
     
    Alright that's all for now. Cheers you all. 
    -Cs
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  13. AcupunctureFTW added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Right on! Glad to hear you are able to contribute more in lectures. 
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  14. AcupunctureFTW added a post in a topic Mhyrions journey   

    You are doing great!
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  15. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Don't see this in a negative light. You still have plenty of time to improve and undo some of the havoc gaming wreaks. I'm a couple of years ahead, yeah, but things don't get better by themselves. I wasted a ton of time and opportunities and everything feels like damage minimisation rather than improvement tbh.
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  16. Mhyrion added a post in a topic Mhyrions journey   

    I'm so productive this week. This is amazing. I am amazing. I also am too tired to take care of household things I'd normally do, I'll have to adjust my planning accordingly if I want to stay this productive for my study. I am out of socks now, clean ones anyway, but my study progressing at great pace. I've added this morning to work in the animation studio, to make some precomp material and clean up. After that I can edit and see the fruits of my labour. I've sadly haven't progressed on my treehouse sketches yet, so I can't discuss them with my tutor today. And I am also not sure if I have the material I worked on this week ready to show, so perhaps I can better reschedule meeting him till next week. We'll see. I am starting to feel a tiny wee bit overwhelmed, I haven't been away from home this much for a long while and I have less ways to relax/get calm/take care of myself this way. Something to be aware of today.
     
    Yesterday evening I gave in to some instant gratification in the form of YT vids. I didn't finish a single one of em and quit after a half hour. I could've better done something else. Also dreamt about gaming again this night, but it's starting to get more... I dunno. It feels like it's more about bright colours and the surroundings of the game then the actual game and gameplay it self. I shouldn't dwell too long on it or I'll get nostalg…. Too late! Oh well.
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  17. Simms added a post in a topic LilX Journal.   

    Nice to see you keeping accountable to your goals! I like the way you're breaking them down into specific challenges.
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  18. Simms added a post in a topic Mhyrions journey   

    Great job being mindful of where your mental state was at and taking the extra time to sleep. That's been such a positive change in my life, to take a few extra hours when I need them to recharge. Amazing what kind of day you can have when you're intentional about being properly rested.
    Sounds like some challenging relationship circumstances. Sending positive wishes your way, hope everything goes well for you both moving forward!
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  19. Simms added a post in a topic The Warrior's Infinite Opus   

     
    What kind of movement are you doing that the 10kg dumbbells are giving you trouble with? I feel like you should be able to handle the squat, stiff legged deads, lying press, and bent over rows with that weight.
    Lying flies, overhead press, lateral raise, bicep curls, lying tricep extensions, and the abdominal crunches are going to be killer at that weight. I've trained for years on and off and still really only use 5kg for flies, raises, and extensions.   You can work the overhead press and curls up, but some of those other movements just have too much physics working against you. =p
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  20. Simms added a post in a topic The mountains are calling...   

    Day #31 - Wednesday
    Had a great day today. Was a little late getting out of bed, but didn't beat myself up about it. I think that mentally helped me as the day went on. - I knew I was going to work late, so starting a little later in the day wasn't anything to stress over.
    Went for a great climb with my GF over lunch. I've been meaning to try and work a route more than once to see improvement in one session. It's harder to do when the gym is busy because it feels like you're monopolizing a whole section of the wall when you climb the same route over and over again. There's no pressure when climbing in the afternoon because the gym's so quiet. I love the flexibility I have in my new workplace - even when it's crazy busy right now and I just put in 10+ hours of billable time, it's no problem to step out for 2 hours in the middle of the day.  It's the best sanity change from Big4 accounting ever.
    Afternoon into evening work was solid. No mindless surfing - For @Schwing again, when I think mindless surfing it's usually google news, into looking at my local newspapers websites, just looking for distractions to try and coast for a while. I like your idea of being intentional when you get online. - Deciding which websites to visit and having a reason for every link visited. I've had similar thoughts. - It's hard to stay committed to.
    Gaming feels like a distant bell for the most part. - My friend that's coming to ski this weekend is still a big gamer. - He sent me the link to his stream so I could watch him raid in WoW. - I played WoW back at release... and one of the guys from my original guild is still playing. The two of them play together now. It blows my mind that the guy has been playing WoW for 13 years... and not in a good way. My friend and I have enough interests in common between skiing, hockey, and fitness that I don't think the gaming side will be an issue. It's mostly a potential trigger to be aware of.
    Gratitude journal
    Partners for beer-o-clock tonight! - As the nights get longer to get the work done during out busiest time of year, as we wind down the day a craft beer gets cracked and shared out between the soldiers who made it late into the evening. Tonight was Neopolitan Stout! It was one of the better stouts I've had. =D
    One amazing thing that happened/I did today
    Red-pointed a hard 5.11a after three consecutive burns. Made progress, discussed the difficult moves with my GF - made more progress, and then got it! Usually I just climb whatever different routes until I'm too tired to hold onto anything. Today's session was intentional and felt like tangible improvement in process.
    Workout/run
    Climbing, around 2 hours.Reading + taking notes
    Read EY's Canadian budget summary... amazing how such a gigantic document can contain essentially no changes.
    What went well today:
    Climbing, work, feeling good.
    What I could have done to make my day better:
    Packed more good.
    Misc thoughts and plans:
    Haven't even been looking at my monthly and 3-month goals. Need to think about that when I'm mindlessly surfing. I'm running out of time each day and that time I'm wasting could be used to read this and contemplate.
    Plan of action for Sunday: Re-read old journal posts... time to reflect.
    ******************************************************************************************************************
    Weekly Goal(s) - Monday start
    Climb 2x, Stronglifts 3x - So far 1x stronglifts 1xclimb
    Journal daily - So far, so good.
    Track mood daily at least twice on Daylio: So far - 21 day streak - Back to feeling good.
    Monthly Goal
    Information gathering on buying a mountain bike. - Visit the bike shops in town. Friends gonna let me know when the first Demo days start up.
    Use Training for the New Alpinism to assist in shaping training plan. Got the book on my nightstand.  It's screaming to be used.
    NEW - Work hard to the end of April. - Be proud of what I've accomplished.
    3 Month Goal
    Top-rope a 5.12a successfully on the tall wall. Found a suitable project Sunday... will it be up long enough. /sigh
    NEW - Be in excellent condition for June mountain trip.
    Climb 1x technical, 1x non-technical 11,000er in the Canadian Rockies. May need to bump part of this out to 6 months.
    Outline novel. Chunking this. Creating manageable pieces relating to it in my weekly goals. - May need to evaluate if novel work is realistic with work and physical committments.
    Do an editing pass of one of my shorts. Dropping these two as not in line with my current goals and commitment level. To revisit later.
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  21. LuminousBean added a post in a topic The Cave You Fear To Enter Holds the Treasure You Seek   

    Game Free: 6 Days
    5AM: Yes. Started today feeling sluggish, then oddly euphoric after meditating, then exhausted, then coffee.
    Meditation: 15 + 26.  Nice long afternoon meditation helped me get through the end of the day
    Body: 4.5 miles walked just from work.  Walked gf to work in the morning, but she took the dog to the park this afternoon.  Want to start lifting again, but not wanting to deal with the drive there at 5pm.  1 beer, 7%.
    Mind: More Willpower Instinct.  New Radiolab.  Started "Ghosts of the Ostfront" Dan Carlin series.
    Writing: Wrote for 40 minutes plus.  Was glad I did, now I remember how satisfying longer sessions are.  Shorter ones feel like I am putting in the time but not getting anything from it really.
    Notes: Stressed out about a work thing tomorrow, and about finishing the week strong.  Having trouble taking action because there are a lot of mid-level priorities that I could work on, but they can also be procrastinated.  Excited to get back on my discipline game once I have some time off next week.  Going to try an immersion tank, something I've been thinking about for awhile.  Noticed in @Simms journal that he has his goals set in months, going to consider that and then actually labeling with due dates.  I have wriggled out of due dates in the past but if it's even partially effective, it's pushing me towards my goals.  Breathe.  Be patient.
    No game cravings.  No time for them today, and I feel the draw weaken when I'm busy or have it together enough to remember that time spent meditating or walking makes me feel better, while time spent gaming makes me feel worse.
    Short Term  (week)
    Lock down scheduling of time, specifically for: Lifting (3xweek), writing (40 min daily), sleeping (5am wakeup, supported by being more responsible/firm with bed time)
    Schedule test for work.
    Mid Term
    Get Resume together for job applications and moving cities
    Brush up on espanol
    File taxes
    Get back into surfing
    Long Term
    Complete draft, edit, send out novel for consideration
    Push beyond comfort zone, get outside

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  22. Cam Adair added a post in a topic Cam's YouTube Videos   

    New Keynote: CHAS Calgary
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  23. Schwing added a post in a topic The Warrior's Infinite Opus   

    129 days
    Days porn free: 12
    Today I left my comfort zone by:
    Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk toRoutine:
    Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)BioenergeticsCold showerMeditation50 exp duolingoPhysical activityStudy or read 1 hourArt 1 hourGoal from yesterday done?:
    yeeeeeeeeeeeee
    Thoughts and Feelings:
    I woke up at 6:30 and the same shit happened from yesterdayStandard school day. Running was cancelled because of bad weather so I finished my coursework instead.Vagabond is the shit! Still waiting for new berserk chapters thoughRowed 2km when I got home.did energising routinelooked at uni stuff. Was looking at industry placements in particular.Did some art. Drawing up a comic. It's very sketchy right now. but as I get more confident I'll make the panels more elaborate. Tasks and achievements:
    Physical: rowingMental: studying, art, uni researchSpiritual: cold shower, bioenergeticsWhat I am grateful for:
    MetalNo fap record is approaching. Gotta hold out tonight and I beat it by a dayKeeping up with drawing. I am getting better!Bad weatherBlack trenchcoats. Haha I love that thing. Doesn't make me look like a school shooter at all.What I have learnt from today:
    Just because I'm going to beat my nofap record; doesn't mean I get to PMO. Fuck thatTomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by:
    Talking to 3 people I don't usually talk to.Goal for tomorrow:
    Hand in coursework
    Goal for the month:
    Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap
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  24. SpiNips added a post in a topic My Journal - SpiNips   

    Hello!
    Today was my last day of high school I guess. My last finals were maths and it went rather well. Feeling confident. I've spent the rest of the day relaxing, eating and seeing my friends. the best moment of today was going out to meet some friends.
    Today I'm grateful for:
    Holidays beginningHospital neighboursTime to focus on non-school subjectsPretty good flow with mathematics today as well
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  25. Schwing added a post in a topic Schwing's Art   

    I'm making a comic. Check it out.



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