Coffee? Nothing like sticking my headphones on, playing some skeletonwitch, reading some manga and drinking some coffee while at school. Beats talking to any of the shitheads there any day! Does this mean more art soon?
132 days Days porn free: 15 Today I left my comfort zone by: Meditating in the forestRunning barefootRoutine: Get up 6:30 (8:30 weekend)BioenergeticsCold showerMeditation50 exp duolingoPhysical activityStudy or read 1 hourArt 1 hourGoal from yesterday done?: None set. Thoughts and Feelings: No journal post yesterday. I was working late.I almost relapsed twice this past few days on nofap! The past me would have buckled and submitted. But I called upon my resolve and battled through! Thank you to everyone who supports me on nofap!Ordinary crappy school day.It was really nice and sunny today. So I threw on my converge shirt and went for a run through the countryside. I came upon a small forested stream at the bottom of this little valley thing. So I sat down and meditated there. On my way back I ran barefoot on the grass for a bit. Then I lay around in the sunWhen I got home I slayed my workout and blasted converge simultaneouslyI talked to my mum about how I didn't know where I wanted to go. She knows her shit. I am sorted now.I mucked about a bit after that. Looking at metal merch and shit. Found some pretty dope stuff.I tried to get some work done but I just got bored. Tasks and achievements: Physical: workout, runMental: cv, thinking about lifeSpiritual: meditationWhat I am grateful for: MetalTwo weeks nofap holy shit!My mum for really helping me set things straightconvergeWhat I have learnt from today: No matter what I do the system is going to be there. The system is like an angry rabid dog. You don't turn tails and run otherwise it will get your ankles and floor you. You back down slowly and fuck off or throw something at it. But you'll still find it there the next day. In art I will be still fucked by the system. In engineering I will be still fucked by the system. Just gotta serve myself! Stay smart and play the game.barefoot running doesn't hurt that much.Tomorrow I will leave my comfort zone by: Getting up early and doing ALL the homeworkGoal for tomorrow: Get up early and do the thing. DO IT. Goal for the month: Finish all my coursework. Beat nofap
I need to work on making the daily journal a regular habit, as I haven't written anything lately. Though I am happy to say still no gaming. I guess the reason why I didn't write on Friday (day 2) was when I got home from work, my usual routine was to play some games to unwind or de-stress from what is usually a crappy week. I had the urges when I got home, as usual, but tried to think of something else to do. So I ended up going for a run instead for an hour for about 9km. That's the longest I have run for quite some time so I was exhausted and didn't have the energy to write after that. One thought/concern I keep having is strategies for fighting the spontaneous urges during the day to start gaming. I need to read more of Respawn maybe, or watch some of Cam's youtube videos. I haven't got around to either of those yet so I am a bit anxious about what control measures I will need to put in place, either mentally or otherwise. This afternoon will be tough, as it is another common time for me to be playing games on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I am going to try and focus on study instead. If I can make it to Tuesday it will be the longest I have gone without playing something for probably years. My excitement of getting on the program has tapered off somewhat which is a bit scary, that's usually when I fall off the bandwagon. I am telling myself that the difference this time is that gamequitters will hold me accountable So I don't have an option!
I will find some time this afternoon if the urges come back to get reading Respawn for some tips.
I have been thinking a lot about life recently. Rethinking the things I have rethunk several times before. I think I am resolved. It feels like it at least. They say a man spends his whole life learning. Previously all my ideas of career choice have been doing something that I 'believe in'. A dream so to speak. A star glimmering over a pitch black horizon so that I may sail on course. But what even is a dream? A desire; something you must obtain? A simple provision of means to an end that will not unfold; a reason to struggle? Struggle. We live for it. We can't live without a sense of purpose for sure. But do I take my idea of purpose too far? Do I fancy myself a lion amongst sheep? Do I fancy myself neo in the matrix? It's this fancy I find misleading. I'm just a kid. I'm not that special. Just because I've eaten the red pill doesn't mean I can stop bullets. I am not invincible and the world will fuck me. One thing mount and blade warband taught me other than any other game was this: You will get fucked over eventually. You will lose your shit. But the problem was the game wasn't realistic enough. You were the centre of the universe and you could easily start again. And once you beat the game you could push a little button to complete it. Then you would start again or most likely get bored and play another game. In real life, I was worried about the system fucking me and becoming a cog in the machine. This was half foolish of me. Half foolish because on the other side of the coin was my fanciful dream of doing something great. Time to toss this little coin in the wishing well (minus the wishing). The reason my grand dream won't work (even if it does work) is that it means nothing and if not less than nothing. It means sacrifice for the sake of attainment. If I'm not willing to sacrifice I die. Look what happened to griffith in berserk. He sacrificed his own comrades for what? To be a god? Well look at him now. He's a void. Bends for nothing but his dream. A cog for his own machine. And when your dreams come true they become your worst nightmares. You are faced by nothing. Struggle is nowhere to be found and the nihilism kicks in. There isn't any happy ending. I don't give a shit about building robots. I don't care about making wind turbines. I couldn't even give one about making amps for guitars and shit. Sure I might find the process fun. But revolving around your path in life as some form of divine and noble pursuit is in vain. Soon you will forget your dream. Or if you're really stubborn you will forget everything other than your dream. Life isn't about dreams. It's about the little detours. Just enjoying yourself while you can. It's about serving yourself and not submitting to the machine. As people we are perpetually a baby and society is our mother. You can't escape from the breast; you'll die. But when she tells you to shut up and stop crying and keep sucking- don't fucking stop crying. And when you're done: grab it and suck it dry. Then start crying again. I like drawing. I like making robots and shit. That's it. I don't need a dream. I'm just a kid. I just need to keep on my toes. Do what I like. Say "fuck you" to stuff I don't like.
Day 80 I'm glad I made it so far and I can only humbly thank the community here. I couldn't do this alone before but now I have almost "completed" the 90-day detox, and still have absolutely no plans of going back to gaming.
Lately, I haven't had the power to go for a walk everyday after work. And I think this is okay. When I wasn't working, it was important to get out of the house everyday, but somedays now I don't have the time and energy to take an extra walk (on top of cycling to work). I've stopped doing the 15 minute stretching exercise, but that's just me being lazy. So here's the updated routine list: Daily routines (weekdays only) 5 minute mobility exercise and 1 session of Headspace after waking up and before leaving for workAbstain from Anything related to video games (playing, watching videos and streams, reading patch notes, etc)Surfing the web in bedI've surprised myself by not surfing the web with my phone before falling asleep or after waking up at all. I read books instead. Now that I've really got back into reading again, most of the time when I mindlessly surf the web, I get bored of it really fast and it feels like a too big waste of time for something I'm not really enjoying. That's when I switch to reading a book.
I feel like not wasting the day. I woke up at 1pm, did a little stretching and tried to exercise, but I only had strength for one set. I also meditated 10 minutes. Now I'm gonna go take a shower, run a couple errands, and then I want to start working on some projects for school. I also wanna finish reading a book today so I can move to something better. I would probably be gaming if I hadn't gotten bored with the last game.
Fin ~ Chapter 1: Hitting the Road of Life (Day 1-30)
30 days-The first milestone of the 90-day gaming detox has finally been reached. A month has passed since I have sold everything gaming, manga and anime related. The sole remnant of this period is my avatar here which stems from a series which also strongly reflects the "journey" motif, the "theme" of my journal. I decided to take a break, make a brief stop and reflect upon my progress and experiences so far. The previous month was tough, but change never comes easily or without sacrifice. I have socialized a lot more compared to the past, however I still waste too much time in front of the PC. My brief periods of escapism in the form of taking naps decrease and I feel comparatively higher energy levels throughout the day. This was presumably a consequence of my brain rewiring, trying to fill the wealth of time I now have at my disposal. Basic muscles and stamina are coming back as I spend a lot of time on our exercise bike/treadmill. Whereas I do not have built up sufficient muscle for lifting weights extensively, I am really looking forward to it. Moreover, I will also pick up martial arts and I'm really looking forward to the warmer weather. Training outside, learning the basic kata (moves) of kendo (swordsmanship). Meeting new people at the dojo will be exciting. I'm pumped! For a strange reason though, I seem to be more emotional compared to the past where I used to be rather stoic and without much external expression. It's like a sea of repressed emotion, built up over a decade, now breaking free as the dam cracks and the torrential flood gushes out (poetic mood again). We're blokes, so we tend to bottle it up - bulldog spirit, stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on, "ganbatte spirit" or whatever you want to call it. I'll have to learn how to deal with this circumstance, it does not go well with my ideal image of becoming a tougher, better version of myself. Presumably a temporary phenomenon. Practicing meditation and mindfulness makes my actions with peers significantly more enjoyable and deep. I bought a collection of incense sticks, a Nepalese singing bowl as well as qigong balls (Baoding balls). For the calming effect rather than the esoteric pursuit, I practice a full cycle of chakra meditation on an almost daily basis. People start to notice the change as I try to be more compassionate, listen more and provide advice. Some even jokingly call me a priest. Gaming and succumbing to my primal instincts (PMO) has cultivated anxiety and a negative self-image over the course of time, so I am quite astonished how well I'm received by others recently. Still, I should become less dependent. I started another period of monk mode and pair it with a light version of NoFap (7 day productivity boost). We are masters of our own instincts and we can forge our future for we are not slaves to primal needs and drive (gluttony, lust, urge to play games). It definitely feels like the right path. Cumulative Progress: Days of journalling: 12 Days without gaming. 30 (Status 25/03/2017)
Nice title for a journal, I could not agree more. We need to face our demons otherwise others they control us. Or let's reverse the situation: what if we actually sit in the cave and the shadow of the people passing by is our ideal self-image when we free ourselves from the chains of addictions? (reference: Plato's cave allegory). Keep up the good work!
Http://fundersandfounders.com/how-elon-musk-started/ This infographic was very inspiration to me. Elon Musk didnt have the perfect situation to be a billionaire; his parents divorced, his father is abusive, and he gets jumped in school. But he became a superhero and leader of world changing companies through his brave decisions, hard work, and never giving up. The first three rockets that he launched failed before he successully launched a rocket. Man I just teared up a little when I read that. What we can learn from this is decisions leads to results. We decide our future. Quitting gaming is our decision. What other decisions will you make?
Day #33 - Friday So much for delegating... the pile grew. Much work to be done. But that's Sunday's problem. Speaking of Sunday's problem, I don't think I realistically have time to reflect on my journey so far. This is further compounded by friends being here tomorrow all day and evening which likely means my Saturday journal entry will be missed/deferred until Sunday. Trying not to stress that too much. Going to enjoy the day skiing and not think about work. Using it as a true reset. Gratitude journal Great lunch today brought in for our busy time. Many different curries to try. GF for tidying up the whole house! Can take 5 instead of running around like a madman now that I'm home. One amazing thing that happened/I did today Bought groceries! Workout/run Rest dayReading + taking notes Nada What went well today: Another solid workday. What I could have done to make my day better: Slept better last night...- Theme of my life. =p Misc thoughts and plans: Less mindless surfing today and most of the week. It helps that I'm so sick of American politics and it invades every corner of twitter, google news, instagram... there's no escape. Plan of action for Sunday: **Deferred one week, aim is now to have a roughly 1/2 way mark check-in** Re-read old journal posts... time to reflect. ****************************************************************************************************************** Weekly Goal(s) - Monday start Climb 2x, Stronglifts 3x - So far 2x stronglifts 1xclimb Journal daily - So far, so good. Track mood daily at least twice on Daylio: So far - 23 day streak - Back to feeling good. Monthly Goal Information gathering on buying a mountain bike. - Visit the bike shops in town. Friends gonna let me know when the first Demo days start up. Use Training for the New Alpinism to assist in shaping training plan. Got the book on my nightstand. It's screaming to be used. NEW - Work hard to the end of April. - Be proud of what I've accomplished. 3 Month Goal Top-rope a 5.12a successfully on the tall wall. Found a suitable project Sunday... will it be up long enough. /sigh NEW - Be in excellent condition for June mountain trip. Climb 1x technical, 1x non-technical 11,000er in the Canadian Rockies. May need to bump part of this out to 6 months. Outline novel. Chunking this. Creating manageable pieces relating to it in my weekly goals. - May need to evaluate if novel work is realistic with work and physical committments. Do an editing pass of one of my shorts. Dropping these two as not in line with my current goals and commitment level. To revisit later.
Hello! Today was a nice day. I've read, relaxed, worked and met my friends. It was awesome to get back to work after a while. Cycling in the sunny weather sparked my mood. The best moment of today was either reflecting, being with friends or working. I got new ideas about what I want to study further on. I'm trending towards international business, which to me sounds exciting. We'll see I'll have to make a couple phone calls regarding it tomorrow. All in all a good day. Today I'm grateful for: Bulgakov's Master and Margarita; I've yet to drill deep into the book, but I'm digging it's theme plentyApparently doing better then I expected in Finnish and English examsPlanning meals beforehand; Increases the chance of actually cookingReflecting about my career choiceCreedence Clearwater Revival
@Mhyrion Keep at it, I know that you can do it...You've been a great support for me throughout it all, through the good times and the bad ones. As @KevinV1990 said it isn't pathetic that you still need videos, this addiction that we're all fighting is a constant work in progress. This journey is a long one but it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get there, but how you get there. Not everyone completes their journey in the same way, or at the same pace. The important thing is that you keep fighting and clawing your way to the finish. No matter how many times you get knocked down, get right back up and keep pressing forward.
Day 26 I've been doing good, this is the longest that I've been able to go without gaming. I have more free time now and I'm trying to be more productive with my time and I've had some success but it's a constant work in progress. What I plan to do is to try and go back to what I did before which is to plan out my days, so I can keep track of where my time is being spent. Also when the weather starts to get better for walking, I will get back into a routine of walking. Right now I feel like I'm gaining momentum but I won't get too ahead of myself and continue to take things one day at a time. "Leave the Pixel World and Enter the Real World."
As a healthcare professional working with work related injuries and psycho emotional issues daily, I see burnout all the time. Unfortunately, preventing burnout is easier said than done, and comes with a lot of wisdom. The essential components are recognizing early signs, prioritizing self care, and stress management. Self care comes in many forms but generally it means getting enough sleep every night, good nutrition, drinking enough water, exercising, and learning were to set your boundaries with stress-producing sources (could be friends, work, family, etc.) People do improve their lifestyles, but with any habit change, it goes back and forth while on a general rate of improvement. So patience is key.