WEEK 2 PROGRESS: Still video game freeA few moments of desire to play gamesBriefly (about 5 minutes) looked up some info about Dreamhack Austin CS GOFailed to work on my daily scheduleReread through RespawnOverall the past week wasn't too bad. I didn't get around to fixing and following my daily schedule, but I was so busy over the past week and completed a major project anyways. I'm sure I wasn't 100% efficient with my time, even though there was a noticeable increase in my productivity. One of the most important things I've come to realize is that I don't have a desire to play new games or learn of new games that are coming out. My desire is to play old games that brought me joy and happiness years ago such as Team Fortress 2. This explains a lot about my gaming actions in the past few years. I simply was hoping to experience the joy they used to bring me, but often ended hour sessions in frustration or a state of *blah*. There is still a part of my mind that believes playing those old games will bring that youthful joy, yet the logical part of me knows that from historical experience this won't be the case. Here's to another game free week and continuing to squash out those thoughts.
Day 28: Today I went running again. Was completly exhausted afterwards but felt really good. Was productive the whole day and ate really good food. I am half-way through another mix. Really looking forward to finishing it.
01 May 17 Game Free: 14 (17 Apr) I am still disappointed that anxiety took over me for the last few days of last week. I don't know why it came back with a vengeance either, that's the frustrating part. I thought this journal was the outlet I needed to keep it under control, but it obviously isn't working. I also thought forcing myself to stay productive meant my brain was happy that I was progressing rather than being idle and causing it to overthink everything. That hasn't worked either. Normally this would be my cue to escape into gaming to ignore all the feelings, but I need to confront them and work out what the problem is. I just don't know what angle to take now, as it feels like I have tried everything.
I'm in quite a positive mood right now - the rebound from quitting games always makes me feel powerful. It's kinda weird I know, but when I press the delete button and begin to make ambitious plans again, everything feel possible. I go in a really developmental state. Working on a lot of productive things right now, but the main two challenges I'll have to face is 1. Qutting all youtube/netflixing, since this is completely unresourceful, and 2. Talking to strangers, specifically the ones called "girls", haha. Compared to skydiving, performing at a concert or holding a public presentation approaching a girl I do not know is literally the most terrifying thing I can think of, but I wanna get better at it, so I'll have to try. You know, where there's resistance, there's possible growth. That's it for tonight. The weather's getting warmer, summer looms on the horizon. Life is good.
Do the thing you fear most, and the death of fear is certain <--- I'm going to tatto that shit on my brain
Yesterday has been a pretty productive day, I gave it my all and did mini workouts between study. I had a couple of long skype calls and I had to work in the restaurant in the afternoon which took up a lot of time, but I think I spent my time well. I didn't achieve any of my normal habits though.
(Only major events. lecture time, and time on the road are not included. click the image to see bigger picture. Bed time is not correct, ignore it)
Summary of Day ( Good work / Bad work )
- I'm annoyed when someone tells me to do something miscellaneous.
- Went church. I don't believe in god. It's wasting time. I want to go home and do the rest of the work. After that I want to finish my assignment and start studying for the exam.
- I wonder how people decide to go to mental clinics. I planned to go there on Saturday, but I didn't. Perhaps I should go there next weekdays.
- I went to a market to buy something. I walked for a while. It was good because the weather was nice. It's spring and warm. There were bunch of flowers I could see.
- FUCK THIS I WONT DO EVERY LITTLE SHIT IF NOBODY'S GONNA HELP ME OUT, STAND BY IDLY AND JUST WATCH. I'M GOING TO DO THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME. NO MORE ALTRUISM.
- Why the fuck should I give a fuck about other people's thoughts? It is my life, not theirs. I have to live my own life. Not controlled by others.
- I became more stable after I took a nap.
- Back to Chungju city(the place where my college is). Had dinner and started Hydraulics assignment. It's good because the amount of work is small. Balanced between work and break. I'm ok now. Little bit bored.
- Break time passes so fast compared to study time. Interesting.
- Done hydraulics assignment! I'm happy because I finished one thing!
- Trying to figure out a way to put math equations on my blog. I have a plan to take note on my blog. I can use wikipedia's sister project to do it. I need to choose.
Alright, I'd just like to post about how things are going right now. I'm also gonna try to post once a week with a status update from now on because the daily thing obviously hasn't worked too well thus far. Although if I really think about it, I'm not even sure why I'm journaling to be honest. It doesn't feel all that important to me at this time. I guess for now I'll just keep at it and see if a compelling reason shows up later on. Not much to say about the apartment, I've largely settled in and things are progressing quite smoothly on that front so far. Some big changes in other areas though. I've decided to take a vastly different approach to personal development than I have in the past. Before I would make changes to 1 or 2 things, and when I saw those were going good, I would quickly start piling more and more stuff on top. It would quickly become overwhelming and I would just give up, which was really frustrating for me. Part of the reason for that frustration is because of my age. I want things to progress rapidly because I'm already 30 years old and basically just now getting started on life. However, I've come to learn that when it comes to major change, it can't be rushed. You still have to take the appropriate amount of time to make changes into habits. So I've decided I'm going to focus on 2-3 major changes at a time and shelve everything else. The reason I came to this decision is because of what happened last Saturday. A few weeks before that, I had started going to the gym again, as well as making some changes to my eating habits, and it was actually going pretty good. So I decided to pile another thing on top of that, and last Saturday I started to feel like giving up again because it was too much on my mind. I actually skipped a gym visit because of that. There are many things I want to do or change in my life: - quit video games - read more personal development material (currently: none) - go through all of Cam's videos - go through all the bookmarks of positivity and personal development stuff I've collected - complete the courses that I've bought - find a girlfriend - go hiking at least once a week - quit drinking caffeine
I'm sure there are a lot of other things as well.. and all of this is going on the shelf for now. Both mentally and physically. For now, I'm just going to focus on the following (and I know I need to make them a lot more specific): - control spending habits - above goes hand in hand with controlling my eating habits, because the vast majority of my spending was on food - commit to the gym 4 times a week I really feel I can handle the above with great consistency. So far it has worked. My plan is to make those habits rock solid, and then move on to other things once I am very confident I won't backslide from them. I might set a date of May 31st to re-evaluate how things are going and think about adding some more changes. Even if it doesn't work, I can always do what I did last yesterday: take a step back to what was working to that point. EDIT: I should probably get into why I chose these specific changes to make. The long and short of it is that they offer the most compelling reasons for me to actually do them. Spending habits: Should be obvious. Can't do anything if you're broke. I want to take it a step further (and am currently doing so) by tracking exactly how much I'm spending, so I know exactly how my money is flowing. I'm not real great with budgeting up front, so tracking my expenses will at least give me a way to get a great overview of what's going on with my finances. Becoming financially responsible is quite important to me so this was obvious. Nutrition: Another no-brainer. I want to be like Christopher Lee - be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, even when I'm 90+ years old. That's not going to happen with the way things were going. In fact, with what I was doing before, I would probably end up in a wheelchair with who knows what kind of diseases by age 45. Gym: You don't necessarily NEED to go to the gym on a consistent basis if your eating habits are rock solid, but I don't believe that eating right by itself is going to make you healthy long-term. Any part of your body that isn't used for a long period of time will eventually atrophy. Going to the gym not only helps to avoid that with certain muscles, but also helps to build up my strength and endurance so I can, again, be like Christopher Lee when I'm 90 years old.
Unfinished Day 5 Date: 30.04.2017 Time I woke up: ~ 12.30 Time I went to sleep yesterday: ~ 01.50 Today I'm grateful for: - Coffee - Sleeping - Meditation - Meditation 10 min guided meditation, I noticed that I got distracted with my toughts several times during that time. Compared to last time (Friday) my mind was a lot busier now, but mostly thinking what to do next etc. One amazing thing that happened/I did today - What went well today - Meditated - Got the track I'm currently working closer to release point - What did not go well today - - - Quote of the day: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" -Maya Angelou Summary:
No powiedzmy sobie szczerze, chłopaki wpadli na pomysł na biznes. Niby to ok, ale mam wrażenie że za chwile ta spoleczność będzie pay to win xD, no chyba że ktoś na prawdę zainwestuje czas i poszuka źródeł bezpłatnej informacji. Co by podchodziło pod commitment chyba :D. Z drugiej strony powoli wchodzimy w strefe gdzie nowoprzybyli czy zdesperowanie będą zalani płatnymi ofertami i uwierzą że jest to jedyna, efektywne wyjście.
Moim zdaniem, nasz założyciel powinien oddzielić swój biznes od gamequitters, a nie używać tej społeczności do zbudowania go od podstaw. Jednakże jak sam widzisz ludzie sa chętni kupić taki program, albo raczej nie widzą z tym problemu. Tylko że to prawdopodobnie pierwszy świat gdzie i zarobki inne.
Jeszcze sobie tak myślę że jakby to wszystko było częścią organizcji charytatywnej to byłlaby też przejżystość /tego nie jestem pewien/ każdy taki kurs szedłby na wydatki organizacji a ta muszą być upublicznione.
Hey, for me Todoist app really works right now. I recommend you to try it, because this way you'll structure your goals better. How about your room? Is it cleaned up or represents a high level of entropy? You should put some effort to keep it clean, because this way you'll have really engaging acitivity and cleanse your mind. Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
Well, of course you can do it! This should be a status quo for every man on Earth, to avoid masturbation at all cost. But trust me, when you'll get rid of this devastating habit, you'll feel free, much more free than by just quitting video games. Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
Wow thanks for the reply. You made me laugh a bit haha. Good word flobbled. I get it, it's hard to deal with but i gotta get through it. I gotta work on improving my self or i will never go further. The reason i'm addicted to games is simply because i liked them so much. Recently not so much and it has been affecting my life and i feel it isn't healthy anymore to play. I feel like my biggest problem is dealing with school. I used to be a good student and seemed like it was so easy to me. Ever since i started high school i have just been getting worse. I'm so stressed about it but i cant not give a fuck, you understand? I feel like i won't be able to do anything productive until i get good at school again. I see you replied to my post for accountability. Lets do it .
Uroczyście przysięgam, że knuję coś niedobrego. Dzień #1776 To dzisiaj mam dzień 100% pracy i muszę przyznać, że nieźle mi idzie! Swoją drogą, jak będę miał możliwość to spróbuję zrobić tak, żeby po prostu pisać tutaj trochę więcej. Nie wiem kiedy to nastąpi, ale może jak pozdaję trochę rzeczy na studiach. Koniec Psot
Day 8 I had a really great weekend sightseeing in Kyoto with my wife and our guest. There is still time to do some exercise before going to bed. Tomorrow I get back to writing. Pretty excited for this week. The challenge will definitely pressure me up.
Ok man, I'm 17 here's what I think: Forget the shrinks. I felt depressed too from time to time. Nothing major really. Came and went. I was just at the whim of my emotions like a sycamore seed in the wind. So you have to plant yourself somewhere my man. And that why you're here. To plant yourself and grow am I correct? Don't let some dumbfuck who's paid to assess your psychology assess you. Don't intertwine the societal system with your internal emotional struggles. Assess yourself. I understand you've done a fair bit of assessing already. You're here. You know you want to quit videogames and such and such. But it's time to do a bit more! I know it's a drag but it's necessary. I can help you. But you have to do it yourself. A psychiatrist hasn't fucked himself up and been through this kind of shit. He just read about it in a fucking book when he was a student. Find a root cause for your gaming addiction. Psychological trauma from a bad childhood? That was mine. Questions. What ails you? What do you want? Like really really want. I saw you wanted these things: Get a girlfriendImprove my social skillsGo out moreI would like to be perceived as a good guy, a friend you can rely on. Someone who's outgoing.Hah! My goals were like this too when I first started out. It's a good start! A great start! But they need to be flobbled around a bit (is that a word?) to set you straight: A goal is something you need to be able to fulfill on a regular basis. Work towards. You've got the outline! Now it's time to make them into actual tangible tasks to be done! Approaching women might be hard for you at this stage. Still hard for me! I'm a single loner too! Confidence is key in socialising. And what is the definition of confidence? The absence of giving a fuck my friend! I could tell you to stop caring but that would be hard. To have change you must embody change. The mind, body and soul are all linked in unison as separate modules of one unit. Physical exercise is great. When you break yourself down and throw your mind out the window. All that exists is the pain and the euphoria! 'tis gloooorious! Here's a small workout I was recommended. I never really used it but it's a good start: Stretch (just do something. make sure it feels GooOOOooooOd!) 20 pushups 20 situps 20 crunchies 20 squats Go for a 1.5 mile run Stretch and take a shower You will feel so much better just doing it. With the running outside. People will be looking at you. So you can gain confidence in exercising in public. Know this: people don't care. They probably just see you as another person. Everything we perceive exists in the mind but we feel it with the soul. So let your emotions rule your social life and tell the mind to go suck a bag of fat hairy dick! Blegh! Therefore if people are mean to you- know this: "what the fuck are they gonna do about it? burn my house down? rape my dog? ok that one was weird but they wouldn't even go as far as to touch me in any way at all. I don't give a fuck!". If someone tries to humiliate you; be humble! Smile and laugh! For then no one laughs at you but with you. Next. Develop your character. Do something. You say you want to study? Fuck studying! Studying is not art. Studying is work for the machine man! You've gotta do it for sure but it can't be the only thing you have in life. What did you like about video games? Making characters? Making stuff? Fighting? Making builds? Video games always appealed to us because we were making art in them. But in life we sucked! We were pouring our artistic vigour into a leaky bucket! Think about it. Google it. Plan it. I never used this but try this: http://gamequitters.com/hobby-ideas/ Women love character and confidence! Strength, character, self discipline, self reliance. All masculine virtues! Don't focus on wanting to be perceived a certain way by others. Learn to just love life and what it has to offer. It take time but it's fucking worth it! Good luck.